Getting Over Him

Answer

Pran's P.O.V: 

I can feel all of my blood rush up to my cheeks as he says in a soft, yet worn down voice, "give me some time to think about it." 

His big rough hands are still holding mine as if they were the most delicate things in the world. 

I feel very weak after Pat had just applied ointment on my palms, after he was holding my hand while walking to the nurses office, after he had just really looked at me.  Looked deep into my selfish, greedy, prideful, and needy soul. He sees me as I fully am now, and I see him as he fully is. The look in his eyes tell me that he is tired. That he is tired of me.

That he is both emotionally, and physically tired of me being really selfish. Maybe I unconsciously knew that I had an invisible leash on him. I would pull him any way that I want even if it made him choke. When I saw him walking freely without me, being with someone else-I- I couldn't bear seeing him walking so freely with someone else. Selfishly, I wanted to find the leash and wrap it around his neck again. 

This time, I would have a tighter grip on the leash so that he would never leave my side again... 

And despite all of that, here he is- not getting mad at me for being so unfair to him, when any other person would have lashed out at me. I would have lashed  out at myself for being such a prick. Any other person would have given me a piece of their mind.  He should be lashing out at me, cursing me with every fiber of his being for having put up with me for this long, and tell me to never bother him again.  

But Pat instead gives me s slight shimmer of hope. He's really too kind- too forgiving. Even when I wouldn't forgive myself. 

I just slowly nod my head, "alright. You can give me an answer any time that you feel ready.." 

He nods his head, lets go of my hands, and places the medical supplies back where they were before he leaves the nurses room.  

I let out a heavy breath that I didn't know I had been holding while slumping down on the chair.  

I decide to stay there for a while so my thoughts can slowly calm down.

My body feels wobbly all over!  

I wonder how long he's going to take to give me an answer... Part of me hopes that he doesn't come up with an answer right away so that I am not rejected right away. I don't know if my heart could handle that....