Getting Over Him

She Knows

Paa's P.O.V:

I have always seen the way that Pran looks at Pat. I know that he is in love with my brother. His glares when Pat is with another person laughing, his dimpled smile when Pat glances his way, his frown and pouty lips when Pat is not where he expects him to be. I'm not gonna lie, it is low key disturbing because I have always thought of them two as my older brothers. But as I grew, I saw how both Pat & Pran have many burdens to carry.

Pran does not notice that he looks at Pat with a longing expression that is mixed with pain, and love. But I do, I can read Pran's mind just like I can read Pat's mind from a mile away. I know Pran hasn't realized that he has feelings for my brother. I know that he's in denial.

And by being in denial, he has dated a handful of other people. He will sometimes tell me about his love life, how none of his relationships ever make it past a month. I know that the reason for this is that he unconsciously compares them all to Pat. He also unconsciously feels guilty for doing so, and will end it with them.

By him being in denial is just wounding my brother. My brother has always been very upfront about everything, wearing his heart on his sleeve without fear. Which is why Pat immediately realized his feelings for Pran, and I know that if it wasn't for the fact that our parents are enemies- he would have already confessed to Pran a long time ago.

He would have probably confessed as soon as he realized his feelings! But this is the first time I've ever seen Pat get so scared of being honest. Which is why he just smiles at Pran like he usually does, cooks meals for him, sometimes even buys him meals, and will routinely check up on him to see if he's alive.

When Pat gets wounded by seeing Pran dating someone else, he will buy a ton of alcohol to drown out his sorrows. He will miss school the following day because of his hangover. He does this in my dorm, as Pran won't be able to see anything.

(A/N: Paa and Pran live in separate dorms. Paa lives in the floor and room directly above Pat's)

Pat always puts on a smiling face as if he just won the lottery when he sees Pran the following days. He should win an Oscar with his impeccable acting skills. I think it's become second nature to Pat now. Putting on a face that says he's okay when he's really not. There is nothing that he can do about it.

Nothing that I can do about it. Which makes me hurt for my brother.

Pat has always been pressured to do what my dad wants, it has never been about Pat. I'm lucky that I'm be youngest, because I don't have as much expectations as Pat does. Pat never does what he wants, so I don't think that he has ever felt the desire to actually act on what he wants to do. He's incredibly frank, but that doesn't mean that he always does what he wants. Pat just thinks about what needs to be done. He only thinks about how to make his friends feel appreciated. He only thinks about how to hide his feelings so that Pran won't ever notice.

Whereas, Pran has had less pressure on him to follow his dad's footsteps. Pran unlike my brother, has always done what he's wanted to do. He is not frank like my brother, he will think before he speaks. He will hold his words back if he thinks that they are not appropriate for the situation. However, Pran is not honest with his feelings. Pran has been a little more selfish than my brother. Like how his dad wanted him to go to Engineer or a business school, but Pran ended up going to the Architecture faculty.

Or all those times when he would make Pat cross the rooftops to get to his room so they could practice playing music. That is not to say that Pran hasn't had any pressure on him. No, he's always been pressured to be number one and even when he wanted to do certain simple things like coloring a book he wasn't allowed to. He was never really free even when he seemed like he was. It was/ is an illusion.

His parents make him believe that he has freedom, but in reality he doesn't. All they care about are his grades, being number one, and getting a high paying salary.

I think that they each make up for what the other lacks. Pran is more about action, less about feelings, and more about thinking. Pat is less about thinking, more about feelings, and sometimes about action. I think that they still have a lot to learn from each other!

Maybe that's why they're each other's safe haven. They understand each other like no one else will. They have experienced the same yet different life, and know exactly how to cheer up the other one. It's a world that only they know.

Pran is very sarcastic and says bad things to Pat, I think it's an attempt to keep Pat far away from him. But it never works- no, it just makes Pat get closer and be ten times more nicer to Pran. Pat can't leave anyone alone until they feel better. Pat thinks of Pran as a friend, because he can't afford to think of Pran as something more. Although he'll tell Pran that he thinks of him as an enemy. Pat thinks that Pran will push him away if he calls him a friend, so that is why he lies to Pran about being his enemy.

I have made it my life mission to get them together! Even though it's gross that Pran and Pat are in love with each other, I will support their love and try to make Pran become aware of his feelings for my brother. Maybe it's not very ethical of me to do this, but fuck it. I'm not an ethical person, I'm not a philosopher, nor a philanthropist, and certainly not a saint. So by my rules, it's fine!

Which is why I was stoked when Pat told me that he was planning on going on dates with other people to try to get over Pran. I knew that Pran would start getting possessive and jealous when he would see my brother out with other people. I also knew though that my brother deserved for Pran to chase him this time. That is why I volunteered to relay Pat's messages to Pran. I want Pran to miss my brother, and maybe by missing him he will realize his own feelings.