Getting Over Him

Swirling

Pat's P.O.V: 

I am not sure what kind of face I am making right now. There is a mix of disbelief, slight happiness, surprise, anger, and confusion swirling inside me right now.  

I want to yell, throw and break everything that is here in this classroom, shake Pran to get him to answer why he is doing this to me right now! Isn't he just upset that he doesn't have his favorite toy anymore?! Now, he is just saying anything to get me to stay with him?! 

I open my mouth to yell at him like I want to, but then nothing comes out so I close it again.  

Pran has not looked away from me this whole time. He has just been staring at me to see my reaction, to get a response from me. 

I decide to fully look at him, and what I see catches me fully off-guard. 

His dark orbs only have me in them, yet they look as if he is scared of my response. However, Pran has never been one to ever lose- not even against himself. His face is beet red, sweat is coming down his face, he looks dead tired- yet he is looking at me with determination. 

His fists are curled into tight balls, and I know that he is probably hurting himself from the way that I can see that his knuckles have turned white from the pressure he is applying to himself. 

Then P'Ink's words from last night come to my mind again, "he looks at you like you are his world, like he can't breathe if he's not with you." 

She was right... Pran is in love with me...  

The way that his pupils are dilated while looking at me, how he has been making many efforts, using many excuses to just see me- makes me fully realize that Pran has been trying in his own way to get close to me when I have been trying to do the exact opposite. How I have noticed that he has been staring at me longer than usual now when I am not looking, but I can feel his lingering gaze on the back of my neck.  How his voice goes slightly higher now when he talks to me, and why he kissed me when he was drunk...

But it's hard to accept his feelings so suddenly, to accept the fact that my feelings are finally reciprocated after all these years...   

As much as I want to express all of my emotions, to tell him off- I just can't find it in me anymore when I think about how much courage he must have mustered up to confess to me. Thinking about how the prideful Pran must have swallowed all of his pride to do this. Something that I-myself have never been able to do. I want to laugh at myself for being such a loser. 

I slowly move towards his smaller figure, reach out for his hands, and gently unclench them for him. I am just looking at the marks that he left on his palms from his fingernails that were digging in harshly. I grab his hand and he is still stunned, so I lead him to the nurses office so I can apply some ointments on the wounds on his palms. 

We have been in silence the whole way, after I apply some ointment for the wounds on his palms, I gently rub over them with the back of my thumbs, hoping that it will soothe some of the pain. His breath ever so slightly hitches, and if I was not this close to him- I would have not been able to catch it.  

I look up at his still dilated pupils that are focused on our hands as I tell him in a voice as soft as I can muster, "give me some time to think about it."