Getting Over Him

Hiding

A/N: WARNING ⚠️ THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM! DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THESE ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU! 

☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎ ☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎

Pat's P.O.V: 

I turn the swan in the palm of my hand to see the intricate details on it. How many times Pran must have folded, and refolded it until he would get the straight perfect lines that he had been aiming for. When I turn it to the left side I see a sticky note on it's wing. I take it off, but I don't see anything written on it... 

Why did he leave it blank? 

Ugh. My brain is fucking killing me right now after all that alcohol. 

But it's fine, I'll just sleep it off. I can think of answers tomorrow when I wake up. 

I head back inside my room, but I look over to Pran's window to see if his light is still on or not. It's off. Completely dark inside, so I decide to just go back into my room while closing my large window.   

I place the swan along with the sticky note on top of my desk, then I head straight to my bathroom so I can brush my teeth, and wash my face before slipping into my pyjamas. I go under my blankets while grabbing my old, worn out Nong Nao doll and placing it next to me. 

So I'm 21 and I still sleep with my old ugly comfort doll, so sue me. 

I love Nong Nao, and will die for it! Nong Nao has been my comrade since I came out of my mom's womb, has seen me go through many nightmares where I try to run away from my demons, where my ugly truths come to light. Nong Nao has been there when I was too scared to go into my first day of school, Nong Nao has been there when I would burst out laughing out of happiness. Nong Nao has seen all of my sides, while never judging me for being who I am. 

I remember that many kids would always make fun of me for being so sensitive as a kid when I was so buff, so I decided to hide that part of me so that I would never be made fun of again. Now look where that got me... It got me to be the leader of the Engineering faculty, the captain of the rugby team, and it has earned me a lot of respect. 

Now people aren't laughing at me anymore, but it feels a bit like I'm holding some sort of big lie. I don't like it, but I must go through with it. Just how I will never show my weak side to my parents, if my dad ever saw me crying again he would just look at me in disappointment. 

Sure, he might not hit me- but sometimes it feels as if I have just sank to an all new low when he looks at me like that. 

Paa, Pran, and Korn are the only ones who know my more sensitive side.

How I remember Paa's wide eyes that held so much horror, along with sadness when she first began noticing them. 

At first, I had begun just explaining to her that they were from rugby practice when I would fall on the floor. She had just nodded her head without asking any further questions, until she started noticing that they would appear too often. Too often, too bloody, too many scars on my body in random places. 

They were a way of punishing myself when my dad would give me those looks, he would never say anything. But his silence said everything to me. Pran also noticed them, and I would just give him the same excuses. This happened in high school... 

Then, Pran and Paa had cornered me in an empty hallway at school and had had intervention with me. I remember trying to deny everything, that I was okay, that nothing was wrong. But they could always see through my façade... 

Then, I started crying in the hallway. Big tears were dripping down my cheeks as both of them held me in their arms, whispering that they would always be there for me. 

It took a while to stop blaming myself for everything, sometimes I still get the itches to do it again. I hold on, because I remind myself that it isn't my fault. That I have people who truly see me for who I am, that they don't care if I am the best a something or not.  

Remembering these memories, my eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep.