After - A Delena Story

3 - Journals -

My Elena.

I'm lost. I'm lost without you.
I know I'm going to regret writing all this sappy shit in many years time but I have to. For you.

I could lie and write that I'm 'Living my life happily' and 'I'm getting through this with the help of my friends and family' or some shit like that but I won't.

I promised myself  (and Bonnie) I'd write the truth.
So you'd know what happened while you were gone.

It has been a week.
It has been the hardest week of my life.

The only person I've spoke to is Bonnie, yesterday, over the phone, she kept calling so I finally answered. She said 'Hey Damon, How are you?' And I groaned and hung up.

I told myself I'd try. I'd try to live and not shut down.
Because I know you'll be upset if I don't.

But I can't. I can't live without you Elena.
I'm hiding away in the darkness of my bedroom.

I feel pathetic. It is pathetic.
I know that's what Stefan and Caroline are thinking.
I know that's what they're all thinking.

I'm pathetic.

I'm going to keep telling myself the pain will go away. The pain will slowly drift away and I'll go back to normal. But all it's done so far is get worse...

If it continues to worsen, I'm going to carry out my plan and let myself desiccate.

I'll lay in a casket next to yours.
And when you awake you will have to wake me too.

I'd leave a letter for you and a few blood bags in a fridge for me.

It's just an idea.
But when you're reading this you would obviously know if I followed through with it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Damon. I told you to live your life." I look up at him, tears in my eyes. I can't believe he was going to do that.

"I couldn't. Not without you. The pain never drifted, never got better, I just got myself together and learnt to deal with it...for you." He explains.

He learnt to live with the pain?
I can't imagine how hard that was...

My face softened as I looked up at him.

"Thank you for doing that. Stefan and Bonnie needed you." I pause before asking "How bad was the pain?" I think I'll regret asking that but what's said is done.

He hesitates before answering me.
As if he doesn't want me to know.

"...Bad. Really bad, Elena. Some days it would be worse, some days it would be the same. But never better, never less. I eventually carried on..."

"And I'm so proud of you for that." I smile.
"You shouldn't be. I followed through with my plan for a little while. I left Bonnie with a letter, no goodbye, I was going to say goodbye to my best friend forever with a letter..."

He felt guilty. Damon Salvatore didn't feel guilty about much. But this. He did.

"She didn't take it well...she got upset, like really upset, Elena. She didn't forgive me for a little over a year.
So when Stefan woke me up, he was all I had...
But I didn't really have him because of the mark..."

Every conversation I have with someone confuses me more, the mark?

"She cares about you. She loves you. And you're her best friend. Trust me." I reassure him.
I've always known he cares about Bonnie but I never thought they would be best friends.

"I'm going to keep reading because I'm just getting more confused. Okay?"

He nods and I smile before looking back down.

- Lots of reading later -

"Well. I might need. A few...years to process all of that." Damon laughs at my comment.

"It's a lot. I know."

A lot is an understatement.

"Heretics,Julian?,Rayna,Hell marks,Jo surviving,Jo giving birth to twins,Stefan nearly dying,Sybil the mermaid?,The actual devil,The ACTUAL devil Katherine which is actually the least surprising thing, Caroline and Stefan getting married and Bonnie and freaking Enzo!? That's the craziest thing out of all of that." I'm out of breath by the time I finish what I'm saying.

Damon chuckles, "I beg to differ. I think Jeremy making it out of art school successfully is the craziest thing that's happened."

"Where is Jeremy? Is he home?" I ask.
"Him and Matt are roomies." Damon smiles sarcastically. "Oh god. That can't be good."

"That was my first thought too. But they actually seem to be okay. I mean they haven't burnt the house down yet and Jeremy moved in a week ago." He smiles and I laugh.

"Oh yeah and Matt is a cop now. Pretty bad one at that but a cop all the same."

Matt is a cop?
He always liked the idea...
But I didn't think he actually would.

"Ready to see everyone? Or do you want some time." He asks. Do I need time?

Nope.

"Now. If we can get them all together that would be a miracle." I tell him.
"Not when we have Caroline persuasion."

His answer makes me laugh.
I've missed laughing. Laughing with him.

I've missed him. So much.

"I've missed you, so much."
"You, Elena Gilbert, could never imagine how much I've missed you."

I lean up and kiss him again.

We're interrupted with a cough.
Damon groans but I pull away and by the stairs are Bonnie and Caroline.

"Sorry to interrupt you two love birds but if we are going to see everyone today we better get started now."
Caroline says.

She's right. It's getting late.

Many phone calls later, Caroline was able to get everyone to meet at the boarding house.

"It's going to be crazy being back there...has it changed?" I ask.

"Not really, Caroline might've added a bit of her own decor but apart from that..." Damon tells me.
"Right. Because Stefan and Caroline got married the other day. Wait you guys never told me how I'm back."

"It's probably best to wait until later now."
Bonnie says as we walk out the door.

Bonnie and Caroline take their own cars and I go in Damon's car.

"Your car hasn't changed." I smile.
"Of course not. It's my baby." He strokes the side as he drives. I roll my eyes and looks out of the window.

My surroundings are familiar. Bonnie doesn't live far from town, about 20-30 minutes.
"You don't know how happy I am you're back." Damon smiles and puts his hand on my thigh.

I look over at him and smile.
I'm so happy. I'm back with the love of my life.
My best friends are happy and healthy.

Somehow no one is dead.

Life seems great. Life seems surreal. So far.