Memories

defenetly not love !

Time passed. My friends and siblings and i where all playing in my backyard. I was climbing up the slide, and right before i went down the slide Miguel was just right in back of me and he said " Vanessa , do you want to be my girlfriend ?" When he said that i went down the slide and waited till he slide down also. I was smiling , so happy he asked me that because i really liked him. " what did you say? " i asked like if i didn't hear what he told me .

" if you want to be my girlfriend" .... " yes" i excitedly said but in a quite voice because my parents where near .

Later that day , still playing in my backyard i was wondering if i could have my first kiss! . I went up to Miguel's sister and told her to tell his brother if he wanted to kiss me. She did and Miguel agreed. We went to hide in the laundry room but it was to hot. The only place that was available was besides the horse stables. It was like 9 pm so the moon was out, the stars where shining, the climate was fresh and windy, perfect for a first kiss !. I leaned to the wall and he pressed against me so we couldn't be seen from my parents and friends.
He grabbed my face very gently and guided my lips to his. I didn't know what to do with my hands, they were just there hanging besides me like spaghetti, so i placed my hands on back of his head and gently stroked his hair while we kissed.
We stopped and then checked if the coast was clear and continued to make out. All of a sudden our mouths started to make weird noises, so we stopped kissing and looked at each other for a few seconds and laughed because of the awkwardness.
This is where it gets confusing. The next day he broke up with me, and the 3 days passed and he then asks me again if i want to be his girl. I said yes all the time. At this time of my life i was 9 years old with a boyfriend, so i started to open my eyes to sexuality and the physical contact between two people who love each other. We would hug and stuff but sometimes he would flip me to my back so he could "back hug me" yeah..... he would press to much against me . I'm going to be honest , i liked that.
Miguel had a cousin name Daniel. Daniel liked me and Miguel knew it. Both of them had perverted minds. One day my siblings, friends, Miguel, Daniel , and i where outside where the horse races happened.

Everything started with me playing with Daniel and Miguel. My siblings and friends where climbing trees and not paying attention. Daniel started to grab me from behind and pushing me down on my knees........ ( this was a very weird , and maybe traumatic experience i had. This thing that happened to me is called sexual harassment . I was a victim and i didn't even know this till when i was 11 years old )..............

Miguel joined him and put me on my fours. Daniel started to dry hump me from the back , Miguel from the front. I was overpowered . They were to strong. I don't know how i did it but i just pushed them away from me and left running to my house.
Apparently Miguel's sister saw everything because she told me that she saw me, and the guys doing sexual stuff. I was embarrassed. She then started slut shaming me, but only for a brief time. Months passes, i never spoke to Miguel about the incident . I really don't know why i still was with him. I guess i loved him . One day, the harassment started again . My friends and i where sitting on the swings , talking about stuff, Miguel was sitting besides me. He slowly dragged his hand towards my thighs. I slapped his hand, he kept doing it, and even tried to touch me further my thighs. ( i repeat .... SEXUAL HARASSMENT) there was another incident where i really was severely touched in my genitals .. i was climbing a tree pretending to be a tiger, Miguel and his stupid cousin Daniel climb on the tree i was in. Since i was very high in the tree ( not that high ) i was slow wen descending the tree. Miguel and Daniel caught up to me and started to block my way down the tree so they could touch me . I wanted to get down so bad i almost fail down the tree. ( i wont go into details since it might be too disturbing :( )
I finally got down the tree and left running home crying and ashamed. I have never told anybody from my family this incidents , since I'm to ashamed to tell them. My relationship with Miguel ended when i moved to Laredo Texas for the first time. We didn't say goodbye to each other.

Till this day, i wish i could see him again..... thanks to him I'm sexually awaking. I'm not proud of that . It disturbed my mind at a young age. At 9 years old I'm not supposed to think about sex .... but who cares... all of this happened in 2007 - 2008 . bye .

The song is to show how i feel right know telling this part of my childhood .... listen