Memories

Overall high school experience

My high school experience was not bad actually, it was very normal, and maybe some drama here and there but overall it wasn't that bad. I remember feeling so accomplished everyday when school ended because I attended a very good school. I was going to university classes and high school classes at the same time, and it made me feel smart for a minute. The people I hung out with made high school very fun, and able to handle.

Back then I still hated school, and not so much the people but because of the friends I had, everything was bearable. I was able to handle 3 years being in the high school that I was. When I became a junior, I was already at my limit. I don't remember exactly why I was feeling so done with school, and just trying to work. I just know that I wasn't in a good mental place back then, I was so tired of doing anything, of doing my work.
I would hardly take care of my self, my hygiene was bad, and I didn't care anymore. My friends would get after me because I wouldn't do my work, and I was falling behind everyone and everything.
My life just felt like it was too much to handle during my junior year, I was going through some hard life changing decisions, and it led me to shut down completely. One of the decisions that I had to make, was either stay in my current high school, and keep on adding to my stress and most probably burn out or move to the ugly ghetto normal high school; graduate early thus relieving my stress, and get into work to help out my parents economically.

I decided to move schools, and graduate early to get into working. I enrolled in that freaking ugly ass ghetto school, and it was hell. Oh my God, it was hell. I went through so much of emotional and mental breakdowns during that period, that I legit felt so alone, and so freaking empty.

Just imagine moving schools out of your own free will, and leaving all of your friends behind, a really good school behind to go to a really nasty ass school with horrible people... well not all the students where horrible, just the ones that gave the school a bad rep where the horrible ones...moving on, I hated it, it was so depressing for me.
I had no friends during those 6 months of senior year in that school. I would sit alone in class, hating everyone with all my heart, hoping everyone would shut the hell up, and leave me alone. I dreaded waking up every single day, I wished I could just graduate already! I was tired, so so tired of everything.
I even got to the point where I would skip my last class everyday. I would get out of my 3rd class, and walk out from campus like nothing, and even if the security guard called me, I would put on my headphones and keep walking as if I heard nothing.

I got reprimanded by that, and I had to go to my last class in order for me to be able to graduate. I did that, and everything got back to normal, and I was able to graduate.
My counselor would try and encourage me to apply for scholarships, but like I told you earlier I was done with everything, I had no strength, no motivation whatsoever to do anything for myself, for my future. I let myself go.
I was asked if I wanted to walk with my class for graduation day, and I said no. Why would I wanna walk with people I hated, with people I didn't even know and despised with all my heart and soul. I was that bitter at my life, I was so done with my life that I wanted nothing to do with human interactions. The only people I loved being with was my best friends, and being with the brothers and sisters at church.
My only refuge was my friends, anime, drawing, and church. I went to the graduation by didn't walk. I watched as my name was called, and I had a big laugh knowing that I was there but just didn't walk with them.

Once that was done, once I finally left that crap hole, I was finally breathing a bit. There was still a lot of things that brought me down but having graduated, I was less unhappy than I already was.

I'm back !