Memories

my weight

⚠[ WARNING ]⚠

DO NOT READ IF YOU GET ANNOYED EASILY WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT WEIGHT. DO NOT READ !

IF YOU WANT TO READ IT , THEN GO AHEAD . BE A REBEL

I've always been fat, chubby, big , overweight , obese, plump,portly, heavy, bulky, flabby, whatever you want to call me. Its still the same thing.

There was this one time in my life where I wasn't.

But since I was too little to notice I don't know how it feels to use small or medium size clothing. I don't know how it feels to use revealing cloth I don't know how it feels to walk without being tired for a couple of seconds , I don't know how it feels to be pretty, I don't know how it feels to be skinny.

Yes . this chapter will be about me talking about me being fat. About me always being scared to die, about me constantly being taken to the doctor because I have other diseases .

if you don't want to be annoyed don't read this chapter. And no , the insecurities that you have are not the same as mine. If you weight 200 lb then I understand, but if you weight less than 170 please do not complain . OK I might shame skinny people but... That's just how I feel. Skinny people don't have that much problem than us overweight people do.

Look I don't want to talk about skinny people because I feel that I'm just being a bully. I'll just talk about how it feels to be fat since the day I was born.

Sometimes I think of being anorexic because its easy . I can stop eating . the thing that has stopped me from continue to do it, is that my blood pressure lowers and I start to feel sick. I get a headache y start to shake a lot. I feel like waves of hot breeze, and get shortness of breath. And my heart starts to pump faster.

Then there was bulimia. I dong like to vomit so no.

"Well stop being LAZY and go to a gym and STOP EATING"

Oh how I wish I could do that. ITS NOT EASY YOU MORONS!!

Right now I'm a size 22 of a dress. That's pretty big. I wish I could be a size 14 or 10 or why not 8 .

I hate going to parties, I hate going out, I hate having to wear fat people clothes . I'm just wishing to just wake up one day and be a size 8 weight 150 and not have a double chin.

I will go to a gym . I will eat healthy. But when?

Well . at first I used to eat because I didn't care. Then I used to eat a lot because I cared , now I eat a lot because I just got addicted.. A doctor might not diagnosed me with an addiction to food , but how can I explain why I eat so much, why do I feel like I need to eat to feel good ? Why do I feel bad after eating ? I don't want to be anorexic nor bulimic. I know its stupid, but when you are so desperate to lose weight because your almost 300lb anything is good for losing weight.

When I was 6 years old I was 4feet and weighted 89 lbs I was overweight. By age 10 I was already 200, by age 14 I was 267 then my current age which is 16 years old I'm currently reaching the 300 lbs. I predict that by age 20 I won't be able to walk.
This is depressing

But I don't let it get to me that much.

I was schedule to have a weight loss surgery this November, but I don't think that's going to happen because we haven't gotten any news from the nutritionist .

Supposedly she was going to tell the doctor that I was ready to have the surgery , but we haven't gotten a call since 5 month ago.

I just lost hope. I just need people to help me. I don't want to do this change alone