I Want to Die in New Orleans // $uicideboys

5: Probably An Erotic Book

   "Feeling better yet?" Ruby asked as we cruised on the backroads of New Orleans.
    "Better?" I scoffed, shifting my view from the window to Ruby. He turned and looked at me with an eyebrow raised.
    "Yes, much better," I smiled, "..Thank you," I said quietly, as if I didn't want someone else to hear, ashamed internally. 
    "Don't thank me shorty, I get it, I knew you was going thru it the minute we all walked to the back room," He replied.
    A silence fell over the sound of the quiet radio. I looked up to see the covering to a sunroof, I pulled it back to a view of the starlit sky. Ruby kept his eyes on the road, picking a lighter out of the cup holder closest to him. I turned up the radio and changed it to station 93.3. I clicked a little button that slid the glass back on the sunroof, Ruby pushed down the button on his door to slide all the windows down. I looked at him as a smile gleamed across both of our faces, the wind drowned out the music, adjusting the volume so we could actually hear it.
    Before I knew it he was sparking up the blunt he was rolling only about 30 minutes ago, "you don't have to hit it if you don't want," he clarified.
    "I was withdrawing from an opioid.. you think I don't want to smoke a little weed? If it was my choice I'd be rolling my ass off," I said to him.
    "Relax, very defensive, no reason to act like you're worse or better then me," he said, hitting the blunt while slightly side eyeing me.
    The smile on my face dropped, "I'm sorry," I said once again.
    "And stop being sorry," he added, passing the blunt.
    "It's just new," I confessed.
    "What is?" He asked.
    "Marley doesn't know," solemnly I responded.
    His silence felt like five minutes, "you worried?" Once again he questioned.
    "No one knows. Well. No one I'm fond of knows.. Nothing to be worried about though, just different," I explained.
    "You wanna go straight hom-," he began to say.
    "No," Softly slipped from my mouth, replaced with the blunt that rested on my lips, "I want to do something fun," I suggested as I handed the blunt back to him.
    He laughed, "your fun and my fun are different," he confidently stated.
    I laughed as well, "you sure about that beanie boy?" I teased. His eyebrows dropped as he looked at me with a disappointed face, I pouted at him as he let out a little wheeze.
    "Beanie boy can take you straight home," he said.
    I rolled my eyes, "Ruby, would you be a doll and give a gal a good fucking night," I said with a grin, my voice slightly seductive though I didn't mean it in that kind of context.
    He sighed, "you're lucky night." His statement followed a little giggle from me as I sat up in the seat, fixing it to where I wasn't reclined so far back.
    "God and you didn't tell me there were seat warmers?" I said excitedly.
    "Huh, it's Louisiana, it's 80 degrees and you're worried about a seat warmer?" He said as if amused.
    "Uhhh huh," I said. My muscles in my body were loose, not numbed to where I couldn't feel them at all, but just numbed enough to only feel my skin.
    We drove around for a while talking about seriously random, and some sentimental topics surprisingly. More so about me, though he told me the 'fun' he had with cocaine that the other members didn't like, and the ruckus he and his cousin would make that caused a separation between them, though they'd always find a way to cause some type of chaos once again.
    Low vibrations of buzzes appeared out of nowhere that didn't catch my attention until they were consistent. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.
    After about the sixth or seventh buzz, I realized it was my phone.
    "Fuck," I murmured.
    "You good?" Ruby asked.
    "You came to my rescue so quick I forgot to let Marley know what was going on," I laughed.
    "Oh shit," he said with a laugh as well as his eyes widened.
    "Oh look, pull over right here!"
    "The gas station?" Ruby asked, throwing the ashed blunt out the window and rolling up the windows.
    "Yes please," I said as he swerved off the road into the parking lot.
    I picked up my phone and answered the ongoing call from Marley, turning to Ruby seeing him mouth the words "speaker." 
    I pressed the circle and Marley's voice came alive and viciously through my phone.
    "Where the fuck are you?" He exclaimed dramatically, "we're in fucking New Orleans, you're a girl, you have no fucking car, you feel.. or felt shitty before I left, you disappear and not even fucking tell me? Like seriously what the fuck," he rambled.
    "Marley chill," I said in a relaxed tone.
    "Chill??" He repeated.
    "Yes, chill, you're not my dad," I said calmly again, "I told you don't worry if I wander off," I explained.
    "I don't care who the fuck I am to you, you could be dead, or drugged, or raped," he continued on.
    "Jesus Christ you're worried for me when maybe you should be scared of me. Like seriously dude, I know how to handle myself, I'm sorry I didn't tell you but not everything is your business, Ruby popped by, saw I wasn't doing good, took me to the store to see if some aleve would work," I explained. My tone was high and aggravated but became nonchalant the more I spoke.
    "You're with Ruby? You don't even know him, for all you know-," he went off.
    "For all you know what pussyboy?" He interrupted. I felt my face blush, I felt horribly guilty. Some guy I met four hours ago is going off on my friend of four years.. and I didn't care to do anything to stop it.
    I took a card out of my phone case and handed Ruby my phone as I got out of the car, leaving him to converse with Marley.. which from the sounds of it wouldn't be too pleasant for him. I walked towards the bared up doors of the old Texaco gas station.
    I walked into the bathroom, a disgusting bathroom, dark yellow piss stained the floor surrounding the toilet. The mirror was scratched and stained with God knows what. I looked in the mirror to see the life back in me. My cheeks weren't rosy anymore, and thankfully I still had a good bit of makeup on, I didn't look that bad.
    I walked out and found my way to the counter. An older woman, maybe mid fifties was sitting there reading a book, probably something erotic to read out her fantasies.
    "What gas pump sweetheart?" She asked without looking up.
    "No gas ma'am," I said as I stood at the counter. Her eyes met my face as I studied the liquor and cigarettes on the back shelf, "a pack of kools, the milds, and..." I said as I tapped my finger on my chin, "amaretto as well, Di Amore," I said, pulling my money out of my pocket.
    She stared at me for a second, then went to fetch the items, "I need an ID ma'am," she said sternly, placing the items in front of me, as if she was taunting me.
    I reached in my picked pulling out my 'ID'. I handed it to her with a smile as she took her glasses off and studied the ID from far away.
    "Okay hun, you're lucky, don't look a day over seventeen," she chuckled, "I remember being twenty-two, just be careful sweet pea, don't want to ruin those pearly whites or flawless skin, it's thirty seven twenty eight," she rambled as she bagged the items in a paper brown bag, dropping my card back into my hand.
    I felt the blush flood my face again as I handed her two twenties, "well thank you so much, you can keep whatever's left, be safe tonight!" I said, grasping the bag as I headed out.
    I walked out to see Ruby parked right in front of the entrance, he pushed open my door from the inside, "hurry up princess we don't have all day," he picked.
    I climbed into the car, unloading the amaretto and taking a kool out, leaving the box in the bag. I snatched the lighter that was in the cup holder, and lit up the cigarette.
    "They don't ID?" He questioned.
    I flashed him the fake ID as the cigarette hung from my lip, pulling drags from it to keep it burning as i put the card back in my phone case. I grabbed the cigarette from my mouth, "darling you don't look a day over seventeen," I mocked. A beaming smile spread across his face.
    "Could I bum a cig?" He asked.
    I grabbed the carton out the bag, "I got kools," I said, taking one out and handing it to him.
    "That's cool," he said as I handed him the lighter and we ventured back onto the road.