I Want to Die in New Orleans // $uicideboys

36: $uicide, nightime

The space intensified as I realized it was just me and this being I stood before. I was sucked into her aura as chanting from outsiders created a barrier.
"Who are you?" I said as I began to feel frustrated, my skin steaming as I felt my body latched into place.
"Not your concern," She replied, "but what can I do.."
"Quite a lot I can see," My panic rushed through my veins, I tried to tell myself I was just high and I could just walk away, or wake up, but neither of the two were happening.
"I can feel da tenseness, let go, your soul echoes with untapped potential. I can help you, to unlock power you didn't know you possess."
"I don't need help, i'm fine as I am.." though undeterred she closed the distance between us two.
"Denying your true self is tragedy," The woman paced around me, "Jus' a prick to help you weave your destiny," The aura became more vibrant, "Shape realities," Her voice depended in an echo.
An existential awareness fell over me as I realized there was no drug on earth that could do this to me. I wanted to laugh at the irony of the situation I was stuck in but I couldn't.
"How do you know what I feel?" I asked.
"Voodoo is attuned to 'da energies that course through all living tings. I sensed your turmoil from afar, and from dat I even gathered that 'dere is un visiteur pour toi,"
"I've never been the dark magic type," I said trying to laugh off the whole situation.
She chuckled along with me, "You cannot escape destiny, child. What I offer is da key to your full potential."
The air crackled with tension as a response from me was expected, though I genuinely had no idea how to react in this situation. I began to struggle against the unseen force keeping me in place.
"An answer?" Snickered into my ear.
"Let me... FUCKING... GO!" I shrieked as the world around us clashed. I would've never realized I was in the air until I fell onto the cold concrete. All of a sudden there were no lights, no aura, no people. I was hopscotching over thoughts that maybe I was insane, maybe I was never here in the first place, but the piercing pain in my brain made sure to put me in my place.
"..Stubborn child...." Whispered through the darkness.
Although my sight was gone I could hear the muffled noise of Scrim and Ruby as they performed elsewhere. Meanwhile I was here left to scavenge the void I was dumped in for an escape.
" 'Dere's no.. Resisting.. Destiny..," Her voice was dripping with malevolence, echoing through the air, the whisper sending shivers down my spine. Though I realized, it was because she was breathing down my spine, "Your fate is intertwined with the shadows."
"Get out of my head!" I said as I tried to summon my inner strength, attempting to prevent the infiltration of my own mind.
The sinister chuckles grew more frenzied as I tried to push against her. For a moment I was distorted back into normal reality, seeing sights of my own. My body rested for a moment as I saw people passing by without a care. I was then dragged back into my previous visions.
For once I was gripping with all my might to finally dwell in reality, to swim to the surface of my own perception. In turn I was weakened through each relentless assault she would put me through. I tried to gather the remnants of my strength to unleash a surge of resistance that would be sure to cast out her influence. I tried to tunnel this "untapped potential" I was claimed to have, though let myself down.
The ethereal being chanted or, what I now know, summoned some entity to emerge from the darkness. When the aura of the Sorcerer relit the area, I was able to see soul hands, ghostly appendages, reaching out to grasp me.
"Tis will help you child,"
I was in disbelief as the hands closed on me relentlessly as if handcuffs. My attempt to evade the spectral clutches failed. Each grasp sapped my strength, weakening my system so that I would be a vulnerable vessel, which gave her the perfect opportunity to enhance her ritual.
"Stay away!" I tried to fuss.
"O, to be so young, so dumb, you take help when help is handed from now on, you shall be brand new," She preached as if through a megaphone, and my ears didn't want to listen.
The aura dimmed and the only thing standing out from the silhouette in front of me was her wicked eyes that seemed to almost shoot out lasers. Chants that sounded gibberish were now roaring as I became extremely dizzy.
The atmosphere felt charged with energy and in an instant I felt my body begin to rapidly convulse. I felt my jaw fly open and the agony of my vocal cords though my screams seemed to be minuscule in the deafening environment. My eyes rocked with my body for what felt like ten minutes, my veins flooded with what felt like fire. My mind began to flicker on and off as I became more and more overwhelmed. As much as I wanted to throw up I couldn't cause my brain to choose an alternative, pass out.

~~~~~~~~~

A searing white light pierced through my eyelids. I cracked my eyes open to welcome in the violent fluorescent beams. I perched myself up from a bench that seemed to be placed in a bathroom. In my peripheral vision a glimpse of something kept teasing my eye. While at first I thought it was the light playing tricks on me, I turned to see wisps of energy snake around my body. I tried to shoo it away but the remnants vanished into my skin.
I stood up feeling somewhat disoriented but also unchanged to observe if I had felt any different. I approached the mirror ahead of me to find my pupils were blown up heavily. My eyes were glossy and my face was somewhat pale. The thought of accidentally ingesting a hallucinogenic crossed my mind, though the effects would linger much longer. With a shrug I dismissed the thought, and began to focus on finding Ruby and Scott.
Stepping out into the bustling crowd, a surge of vitality coursed through me. I began to feel more and more alive. My thoughts were washed away as I glided effortlessly through people. Eventually I found their location with a drink in my hand, a smile gracing my lips as I basked in the energy of the moment.
The clashing of people mixed with some individuals singing along made me excited for the two. As the music swelled and the crowns erupted into motion, I found myself swept up in euphoria, joining the swirling mass of bodies in the mosh pit as "Paris" played in the background.
As the night wore on the music gradually faded, especially when Scrim and Ruby were done with their performance. People began to disappear from the underground location while some conversated in corners. Despite the surreal encounter with the sorceress along with the lingering whispers of her cryptic warnings, I found myself oddly unphased by the whole event.
The first hint of dawn called us to retreat home, seeking solace in the comfort of the Boys home. I tried to push the haunting melody aside, determined to cling onto a semblance of normality.
Once inside and freshened up I ended up in Scott's room, awkward to be there since we haven't exchanged many words in a while. I laid down before he could arrive and tried to drift asleep, cocooned by the soft glow of the lamp light. I allowed myself to drift into the embrace of sleep, the turmoil of the night slowly making its way into my brain's background. In the quiet solitude of my dreams I found a pleading sense of peace that fought against my plagued nightmares.
The same nightmares that seemed to be zapped away by the touch of Scott. The same nightmares I have that have only escalated. Scott's arms eventually snaked around my waist, which truly led to me to a peaceful rest.