I Want to Die in New Orleans // $uicideboys

19: It's about me.

"Thank you fo this shawty."
"It's not hard to roll a blunt.." I teased.
"Nah.. forreal.. im feelin like this shit might just work out," Scott confessed to me.
We kept our eyes towards the window as the smoke began to roll over it. A sudden wave of panic rushed over me. I abruptly straightened my posture, handing the blunt hastily to Scrim. I could feel him looking at me as I silently got out the car, shutting the door, and making my way back inside.
My heartbeat was in my eardrums at this point, my knees weakening, I was angry with myself for blatantly leaving Ruby inside knowing the past him and Marley have had. As I rushed down the hall I could hear footsteps trailing behind that were going my pace or even faster.
"Shawty," Scrim called out to me but I had no control to stop and talk to him, "What's the problem huh? Why you rushin like that-," He asked as he caught up to me, grabbing my arm so I could stay still.
"Nothing," I forcefully stated back to him. Something changed in his face, I felt my eyes widen, looking down to see he still had somewhat of a grip on me.
"Why the fuck you lyin to me?" He asked with a strong tone in his voice.
"What do you mean?" I questioned back.
"Well first off, you rushing around this bitch like you on a mission. forreal," He explained calmly as his face loosened up along with his grasp.
"I was gonna let you finish smoking, I didn't wanna miss anything," I lied.
"Ain't nun was gonna start without me," He answered as my eyes met his. It felt like his soft eyes were trying to hypnotize me into telling him what was really happening.
"Just anxious," I said quietly, looking towards the floor. Silence filled the room for a couple seconds, waiting for his response. His hand finally dropped to the side as he nodded to himself. I looked up to try and determine the expression on his face. His eyes were locked on the ground, then once again met my gaze.
"So you snort dope when you're anxious?" His question, or statement, pierced me.
"Excuse me?" My voice began to raise. He reached into his pocket, taking out the straw that I had put back into my bag.
"So you go digging through my shit?" My voice now boomed.
"Don't give me that shit, there was fuckin dope on the tray," He responded, somewhat raising his voice aswell.
"Like I said, so you go through my shit! You're the one judging me? Seriously Scott? If I didn't know you, or at least I think I do, I woulda thought you was going to the car for them pills anyway." The untrue words poured out of my mouth. I never thought he would've been the one to bring out this side of me. It hurt.
"Ain't nobody said nothing about judging, Im one to say cause I kno bout bein on that. And that shit's what you sellin bruh, you on a job right now and you snortin yo supply?" He said authoritatively, aiming his hand towards the direction of the car.
"I can't believe this," I chuckled.
"Oh well i'm glad you think this is funny," Scrim said low pitched.
"Why does this matter to you?" I growled at him.
His face turned to surprised, as my heart beated rapidly. As bad as I wanted to contain myself my mind had already agreed to follow through with my words.
"Huh?" I spoke walking towards him, " please tell me, or can I just say it? It's cause you need this fuckin thing to work out for you. You want to look good? I'll make you look fucking good, just don't try to return the favor when you feel bad," I sneered.
I turned away from him, making my way back into the main room. A clattering noise came from the room I left Scrim in. There was no contemplation to turn around. My eyes were being boiled by the hot tears waiting to launch out. I looked around to check if everything was going fine with Ruby, then quickly directed myself to the bathroom before anyone could pull me aside to talk.
After a couple minutes of composing myself, I made my way back out. My heart rate finally settled down after re-applying my makeup. I opened the bathroom door to a dimly lit room with bright lights that lit up every so often. People started to flood in, snapping me back into realization that along with the Boys, I had to get my own show on the road. I made my way once again down the hallways and out the back door. I walked up to the car, opening the backseat door on the passenger side to grab my bag.
A groan came from the front seat, peeking over to see Scrim slumped in the driver's side.
"What're you doing?" I questioned him.
Another groan came out as he lifted his head up, swaying his head towards me.
"mmmh? mm, uh, chillin," He croaked.
"You need to get in there," I said seriously.
"I got time." He grunted back in a smoky tone.
"No you don't, people are flooding in there, c'mon," I said sincerely, shutting the back door.
I made my way towards the building, about to let myself in when my heart stopped me. I stood by the entrance for a second in contemplation, then turned around to take a look at the car. I waited for him to get out, hoping he would.. but he didn't. My heart stung for him as I began walking towards the driver's seat as my body began to shake once again.
"C'mon," I said to him after I opened his door, trying to keep it brief so he wouldn't hear the amount
of distraught in my voice. He kept his eyes shut as his head rested on his shoulder.
"Why do you care now? It's about me remember, I do what I want," He murmured in such a matter of fact manner. I could've dragged him out the car by his hair, I should've dragged him out .
"Because if I don't care then I don't know who else will," I answered. His eyes somewhat opened, staring forward, then down, then forward, then at me, and back down. He bit down on his bottom lip, assuming to find the words to say.
I reached my hand out to him, and accepting the grasp of his hand I gently pulled him out of the car, "next time, just ask for a pill don't get jealous or steal it," I answered.
He rested against the car, looking down, holding my hand tightly still.
"I jus wanna always be on the same mindset as you," he said captivatingly but somewhat sadly.
His eyes once again mesmerized me, making me want him to hold me firmer and closer to him. As I started to gravitate towards him a loud noise came from inside.
"Maybe it's time to get some shit done forreal," He grinned as he scratched the back of his head. The expression on his face was something I'd never seen before. There was confort behind his eyes. I could see the dim sparks that shot in the darkness of his pupils. For the first time I was relieved to not be on bad terms with someone. It felt nice.