I Want to Die in New Orleans // $uicideboys

38: Mask & Da Glock

    As tensions filled the room Scott's eyes flickered from once an innocent look to one of no soul. The confirmation hit me like a punch in the gut.
    "You gotta be kidding me," I said quietly, the last slip of sanity exiting my body. My voice slightly trembled with a mixture of anger and betrayal.
    "You don understand," He replied, looking elsewhere then at me.
    I stood up and made my way to his bedroom, throwing whatever I could into a bag. My legs removed me from the living room before I had a chance to show how deranged my mind had grown to be. The audacity of his actions, the sheer recklessness left me speechless with rage.
    "I don't understand? Well maybe if you weren't slurring all the time you could tell me, or if you ACTUALLY gave a fuck!" My mouth resumed its rant as I finished with my stuff.
    "I'm doing this fuck shit to keep you safe!" His yell from the kitchen echoed into his bedroom.
    A familiar feeling creeped upon my heart, sorrow clashed with my rage, the only person that could do that to me. Of every person I've been through, not one spike of sadness for them tended to reach me besides Scott.
    "Well...where the fuck am i supposed to go.." My voice quivered, the little girl in me peeking through my shaky words. I picked the bags up and exited his room, meeting the two in the living room. Ruby's eyes were fixed onto the floor, his hands clasped together.
    "Jus somewhere for a little while," Scott's tone was now collective since I was in the room.
    "There's so much I could say.. really.." I trailed off, their silence speaking volumes.
    And with that I presumed to be unfinished, my voice rising with each word confronting him head on. The bashing and blaming went on and on. I couldn't even dictate if they were hearing or ignoring me, my rage was releasing as I shook and compulsed. Tears streamed down my face, wiping them and the smeared mascara across myself. I made my way to the door after the rampage of mine was finished. I felt foolish but I also did not give a fuck.
    My hand reached the knob as I softly turned it, hearing the door unlatch I pulled it open.
    "I never thought you couldn't protect me. You've made it obvious that you're capable of that.." I said calmly, glancing at scott, finally meeting his gaze, "I jus always knew you wouldn't."
    His cold blue eyes had come to be the only thing on my mind for the next couple hours. The emotions swarmed me, I was exhausted from the restraint I put on myself from attacking either of them. My heart hurt from betrayal. My mind boiled with revenge, but above all I didn't know where to go.
    I would eventually pull up underneath a bridge, and scavenge through my bags. A little baggie with residue of a white substance would be the treasure I'd come across. I dipped my nail in, leaving me with a good bit of powder, to which I snorted. My thoughts overlapped each other even more, though the painful ones subsided.
    I'd go on to plan all the ways of revenge, each plan having some fault to them. Each plan became distinctively different from my own thoughts. Of course my tactic was to blame the drugs but more and more I grew this urge within my muscles, something I was not used to. Ideas I would never have on my own.
    "Just wait until night..." Not a thought, but a voice grew clearer in my mind, "Then I can go back...."
    "I'm just crazy," I whispered out loud, trying to reason with myself. Wondering if these malice words were mine.
    "I know she'll be there," The words dripped with venom. The tone was cold and calculating, laced with a cruel amusement that made my skin crawl.
    It felt as if dark shadows were creeping through my mind, to an extent where I could even slightly see them. The voice echoed in persistence, its sinister intent clear with every syllable.
    "just do the exact thing I know I want to do."
         
                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "What the fuck am I doing," My adrenaline pulsing tremendously.
    "One more hit then get out the car," The voice in my subconscious spoke, to which I obliged, taking one more snort and doing the unthinkable.
    The moon hung low casting long shadows off of the cluttered streets. There were two cars in the driveway, though only one was for the boys. My breath came in shallow, controlled busts as I crept along the side of the house. My senses heightened and my heart raced due to the combinations of adrenaline coursing through me.
    I peaked my head around the corner to make sure no one was in the backyard. The house loomed before me, its windows dark and uninviting. Thinking of someone other than me in there made it feel almost alien.
    The hum of distant traffic and the occasional chirp of a night bird kept me company. My mind buzzed, the substances distorting my perception of time and space. I blinked rapidly, trying to focus, to stay grounded. I just knew I needed to get inside, to see for myself what was happening, to end it once and for all. My thoughts were jumbled, the paranoia and jealousy feeding off each other in an endless loop.
    Moving with a grace that I didn't quite feel, I made my way to the back door. My body felt disconnected, each step an effort to coordinate. I reached for the back door and carefully tested it. The door slid open silently, and I stepped into the darkened hallway. The familiar scent of Scott's cologne mingled with the smell of weed created a surreal sense of déjà vu.
    I paused, listening. My heart beat almost covered the sound of the faint murmur of voices. My stomach churned as I quietly crept towards Ruby's room since he wasn't home. Each step seemed to stretch into infinity, my mind playing tricks on me, making me doubt my every move.
    Once I made it into the comfort of Ruby's room, the voices became clearer. Scott and Tori were talking, their tones low but urgent. The adrenaline pounded in my ears, drowning out their words. I moved toward the doorway since Scott's room is diagonal to Ruby's, trying to desperately understand what was going on.
    Peering through the gap, I saw them. Scrim sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, while Tori stood by the window, her arms crossed defensively. I strained with all my might  to hear their conversation, though only catching fragments.
    "...ion know bout all this shawty," Scrim said, his voice almost defeated. .
    "I know, but we need to talk about it," Tori replied, her tone pleading.
    My thoughts were a chaotic whirl. Everything in me wanted him to throw her out the window, to go off on her for making life fucking miserable, to say something at the very least in my defense. My heart ached every second he didn't tell her he couldn't stand to be in front of her. My limbs were numb as my mind concentrated on the voice I once cherished hearing. I slowly made my way towards the wall that was on the same side as Scott's room, walking down it carefully.
    "Scott," Tori continued, "I need you to understand...I'm just trying to remind you how good life is.. with me."
    "Uh-huh, then why we not together?"
    "Because I left you, even though we both know you owe a couple hundred grand.. and some back massages you never gave me yet," She chuckled, her voice was demanding and seductive.
    I peeked through the crack of the door, between the hinges. Tori was now making her way towards Scott, pushing him gently back. 
    "Scott," She whispered as I watched her crawl onto him.
    I let myself into the room as my presence was oblivious to them. Sparks zapped my body as I felt my brain go haywire. She began kissing his neck, I didn't know who to rip apart first.
    "I love you still, you know we'd be good together," Tori's hand trailed its way down his pants, "For old times sake."
    "You kno I have a girl," Those words were enough to hear, whether I should've waited longer to see if he would've fallen into her trap, I was tired of being disappointed.
    Without a second to spare my hand went from empty to full of hair, gripping Tori by her scalp and slamming her head first to the floor.
    "Pick one before I pick her off for us," I proposed to Scott, pressing her face into the wood flooring.
    "It's obviously ME," Tori screeched. She jolted her body towards me, landing a mean kick to my temple.
    "Oh my god bruh," Scott began to mutter. His cold gaze still in my mind, fueling my anger along with every other damned thing she's casted upon me.
    My mind switched from angry to biliderant, shutting off every other thought besides kill. My consciousness blacked out as my hands did what they could, all while hearing Scrim's shouts for it to stop covering the room.
    The air cackled with anger and desperation, each of us determined to be the demise of the other, though both for different reasons. Trash cans and shelves clattered as we collided, fists swinging wildly.
    We exchanged blows, each landing a force that sent echoes down the narrow passage of the hallway. While my wild, unrelenting rage pressed on, Tori's demeanor was of agility. Or as agile you can be almost getting your head stomped in. Tori began to doge vicious punches, though I countered her efforts with a kick that sent her stumbling back.
    Refusing to back down she lunged at me, her eyes blazing. I tried my best to wear her out at this point, to match her intensity, as it was obvious it genuinely would be one of us dying before leaving the house.
    As the fight wore on, Tori began to gain the upper hand. She landed a series of quick and brutal strikes that would have me now staggering back against the wall. Maniacal laughs came out of me as the taste of blood filled my mouth.
    "I'm tired of this shit," I said as we both stood and took a breather.
    "You think i'm not tire of the dope whores he fucks?" Tori replied breathless.
    "Says the whore," I yelled, tackling her body with full force.
    We both fell to the ground, I straddled on top of her as I bashed my head into hers.
    "Your ugly. fucking. teeth." I said, gearing up all the rage, all the power I felt from this, all the regrets, "Crackhead. fucking. face." I added as I threw fists to her silly little head on beat. Literally.
     As I tore at her face and banged on her chest, along with cursing everything about herself, she had her very own plan. One that went accordingly.
    Scott finally exited his room, most likely following the blood trail that led to the kitchen. His presence took me out of the zone for one second, causing a reaction that isn't too favorable in my situation.
     One shot went off that directed my attention back to her, a glock was aimed right to my face. I don't know what had gone through her mind but for a millisecond she froze, leaving me to reach for the cold metal, trying my hardest to rip it from her bony grasp.
    Another shot fired though this time it had grazed my shoulder. More pleads from Scott filled the room. I used all my might to restrain her from pointing the gun at me.
    "Who's it gonna be?" I question Scott frantically.
    "Who the fuck said it had to be like this," He panicked.
    "ME, and her when she decided to step foot in my fucking path, now make a choice," I sternly yelled.
     "Fuck you bitch!" Her squeaks remained unphased by me.
     I cracked my head across her skull, loosening her grip of the gun. I snatched the heat right out of her hand, and aimed the barrel right between her eyes. Her consciousness slipped for a second, making me able to put my legs over her arm to hold her down for good. 
    Tori's laughs began to fill the room, as if she had a chance out of this. I flipped the gun around, whipping it across her face.
    "Yo, yo, yo! Shawty you goin kill
someone doin this shit!" Scott said as he whipped his phone out.
    A part of me wondered if he'd dial 911 on me, as if I wouldn't have leverage over him. One of her teeth hit me as the metal clashed to her face.
   "Who's it gonna be?" I persisted.
  His silence was off putting, my heart questioned why I put myself in this position. Though my hatred for Tori burned hotter than any emotion I ever had.
   You." He said, though his voice was unsure.
     "Good, cause that's who it was gonna be in the end anyway," I flaunted.
     "Fuck no it's not!" Tori bursted, though her words now sounded like yelps.
    I pointed the gun back at her, my finger on the trigger ready to fire.
    "This necessary?!" Scrim yelled, "Cuz get over here now,"
    "Why you so nervous, you not used to actually finishing shit?" I snickered as Scott ran outside.
     I clicked the trigger, a pathetic, unloaded, shot. Tori's laughs are now hysterical, filling the room.
    "Bitch you think you're gonna be fine, you about to wish you were shot in that thick ass skull," My sinister voice mixed with malice and glee.
     The butt of the gun began clashing with her face, tearing apart her skin bluntly. She had suppressed her cries before with whatever maniacal rage but I had broken down that barrier. Whatever empathy I had in my body, if there was much, had slipped away. I knew things wouldn't be the same after this, but I was okay with that. The gun was slippery, covered in both her and my blood.
    Some time later Ruby arrived, snatching me off of Tori's sobbing body. I spit on her as he drug me down the hall, "That crater in your fucking skull feel good or what?"
    "You needa chill," He sternly told me, " You got Scott shitting, like, forreal.."
    "I don't care." I responded shakily, my body was exhausted.
    Ruby's chest rose and fell slowly, each breath deep and deliberate as he pondered. The room around us was hushed besides the sound of the same bird I had heard earlier. As the adrenaline began to ebb I tried to piece together the lost fragments of time. It felt as if I had been somewhere completely else all along.
    Ruby's jaw tightened, "This is a lot of shit man..."
    I sat in silence.