I Want to Die in New Orleans // $uicideboys

30: Repressed Trauma Does Remarkable Things.

My body was once again on a mission, chugging forward to the stage reserved for entertainment of the night. People surrounded the area from every way, making it seem impossible to pry through. It was like playing a game of hole in the wall.. or maybe slither in the wall, trying to pass through the minuscule gaps in between one another. There was something that intensified the situation other than my anger and confusion, I just didn't know quite what.
Then, what could've been directly over my shoulder was the words, "I thought I lost you,"
I turned towards the voice as everything inside of me scratched at my skin from the inside, trying to prevent the sight of who was there. "Whoops, got carried away,"
"Weird huh, actually hearing myself," He said as he watched what was essentially his own creation engulf the people of this very building.
"I'm sure it is.. i mean.. it kinda is," I said, trying to converse, but my brain repeatedly lashed itself with the question of who.
"You know the people here... why didn't you get them to play this music before," I questioned.
The very corner of his lips curled up ever so slightly, never making contact with my eyes, "Because it's not my music. It's our music. But it's mostly Scott's music," He answered, "Now don't look at me like a lil bitch, we both decide on shit, no way without the okay you feel me," His words danced around coincidently which somewhat plastered a smile on my face, i had felt warm and nostalgic, it reminded me of what our friendship used to feel like.
"So why did I get to?"
"Well you didn't," He replied, just as the conversation was beginning to actually be good. My face immediately turned to a frown, glad he never actually fixed his gaze at me, I'm sure he could still see it from the corner of his eye. My face burnt up from embarrassment.
"So more lies," I blurted annoyingly.
"No lies,"
"How!" I snapped as I pondered about how sober Ruby wasn't to have this conversation with me right here.
"Did you make a playlist?" He asked.
"Well Scott had-,"
"Was it on your computer?" Ruby interrupted.
"No-,"
"Did you DJ it?"
Each point he made jabbed me harder and harder, "So he's up there right now?" I asked.
He nodded his head no with the most expressionless face I've yet to have seen plastered on him.
Betrayal beat into my face as fast as my heart rate was going, "Who's playing it??"
He began to shrug as I flung myself through the pile of people in front of me, striking and dashing through the crowd, probably knocking some off balance. The lights faded in and out at such a high rate, my inebriated mind almost threw itself into a seizure.
I frantically climbed up the steps of the stage, standing there to view the many bodies that clustered the area. I scaled the equipment and scanned the people in the area, none looking recogniziable to me. As people sloshed around new faces appeared for me to detect, each face drawing a blank. After I had been standing at the edge of the stage for some time, I decided to proceed forward, deeper into the mess.
In the mix of everyone a glare of light peaked in between the gap of someone's arm, I ventured closer to it, slowly gaining sight of what seemed to be a computer. As I got closer and closer, a hand enclosed on the mouse, my radar began to go off, my heart pounded, and eyes sprung around. My heart endured a couple flutters from just a distinctive hand but I felt relaxed that it was just him. The magnetism that drew me into the area only intensified, now on a quest to catch a glimpse of what I've been missing.
The crowd grew, struggling to keep my head above the wave of people. The music thundered maliciously as everyone thrashed and threw down. Once again Scott had vanished from my sight, giving me a weary feeling that wasn't uncommon.
"Ma'am!" I saw a man yell from my peripheral, "You can't be here!"
Fuck. Bolting through the crowd seemed like a choice I've only rehearsed a thousand times, though this time there was a real threat.
"Scott!" I yelped, drowned out by the chatter of people and roaring of speakers. In my mind I'd imagine his crystal eyes targeting mine.. and maybe a beam targeting the dude chasing me. The thought made me chuckle.
The flashing lights halted and black covered the place, shielding me with comfort. I wound up hovering over the unfamiliar laptop.
"Someone get this bitch out of here!" A new voice yowled, a female voice. The laptop was then abruptly shut, any source of light was now eliminated, my ribcage shaking as my insides stabbed me.
"And who the fuck are you!" I barked at an earsplitting pitch.
"You're that bitch that did that weird shit to Marley," She said collectively.
A dagger pierced through my brain, "Oh you're THAT fucking whore,"
"You're the one fucking my boyfriend!" Her voice drew in closer. The lights went back to their consecutive flashes and I had finally found a face to the name, and was ready to rip it apart.
"You're gonna wish they grabbed me earlier," I maniacally shouted, feeling my lungs try to leave my mouth with the words.
The world scorched around me, I felt the burning sensation begin in my feet which propelled me to sprint directly ahead, tackling her onto the table of what was expensive, quality equipment. The same burning sensation jumped from my soles to my fingertips, where I observed myself burrowing them into her flesh.
A piece of my mind drifted to doubt about if this was even..her. Tori. But she knew me, she knew I was with Scott. Where was he? Because he was here. What if he was watching me, I urged myself to stop, but the controls of my brain to my body was disabled.
"Youre a fucking psycho!" She yelled in anguish.
"Tori?" Slipped from my mouth.
"Yes!!" She shouted, as she threw her arm to the left of her, snatched the laptop and unplugged the music. The laptop rushed towards my face, I raised my arm to block her, causing her to release the computer.
One of the corners could have hit me but I couldn't remember. My grip was still firm onto her and I was sure the crowd was booing and whining. All i could decipher was the sound of Ruby's voice, "Hold the fuck up- Just hold up-,".
"You're gonna regret," Tori began to say as she saw me observe the group of people who began pushing closer to us, her voice invoking me to head butt her.
Wetness splattered onto my face as I shoved Tori, leading her to a clumsy fall that would've made me chuckle if I was under different circumstances.
"You're not making it any better," Ruby shouted, but I wasn't able to see him anymore. My feet carried me away to escape the disaster
of a building I stood in.