Diary

Heyy

I realised I was probably something different from everyone else when I was probably 10? Not that I really knew what 'gay' was all I remember was that my aunty would go "man his so gay.." While smirking at the t.v she usually depicted homosexuals with bright hair and a girly voice. So that's what I thought they were?

I thought there was only gay men I never was told about lesbians or bisexuals or even transgender for that matter. But that doesn't matter I was young anyway. But I do remember I was always curious of why homosexuals have girly voices and how did that even happen?? But yeah.....

When I was 11 I made a instagram account and actually found out what lesbian,gay and transgender I hadn't learnt what bisexual meant yet or pansexual ect. I found it pretty cool and that was about it.

When I turned 12 I knew something was up. I would look up pictures of adorable lesbian couples and be like "AWEWWWEA" I wasn't actually into yaoi as such....

My dads sister (basically my aunty) she came to vist and what I didn't know was that she's a lesbian and she's married to her wife. So I was like "hold up wait a minute." I had never known this and I found it super cool so my Aunty micheal and Sue came around and I hung with them and it was very fun. Although now I realise so much that Sue is a total butch (btw they both have short hair) she spoke manly and just her whole personality compared to my aunts was much more tomboyish should I call it?....

When i was 13 I went into high school... I remember my mother telling my it was gonna be fun and I was gonna make heaps of friends. But my first day sucked.. I had come two days after everyone you would think it wouldn't matter right? But people had already gotten comfortable.. So here I am getting lost around this huge school with no friends.. I had no friends until the second week where I met Ebonie and I sat with her and a bunch of other random people I didn't even know... I tried to hang with the big groups of girls but I'm not good with large groups I never know what to say!

So anyway Ebonie introduced me to a girl called Elli and this is literally the exact conversation that we had and how we became best friends.

Ebonie: this is Elli she's like
obsessed with this anime guy.

Elli: yes! His so hot...

Me: cool what anime?

Elli: fairy t. a. i. l

Me: OMG NATSU!???!?

Elli: OMG YESSSSSSS

Me: HIS SO AMAZING, OH AND LUCY!!??

Elli:YEAHHHHHHH

Ebonie: what are you talking about..

And yeah we basically bonded instantly over a anime called fairy tail which I almost didn't watch so thank youuuuu!!!

The year was pretty fun actually.

And now to the present I'm 15 and never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. But I'll start from the start of the year when I realised I might be gay... Or bisexual.. UGH DONT JUDGE ME. :I

it literally just hit me. There was no denial state or anything. I knew I was bisexual I have had crushes on boys but now that I really think about it girls are super hot and I'm just attracted to them. I decided I was going to tell my friends...

I had made two new friends durning the year called Inca she has short hair which is extremely puffy and a almost Afro she's super good to talk to about stuff and every understanding. We call her the fangirl :3

Loran she's the girly girl she's sweet and has a nice high pitched voice she's got blond ish brown hair and works at three places.

I may as well describe Ebonie and Elli. So Ebonie had dark brown wavy hair that LITTREALLYY looks like it's been styled every day but she wears it in a pony tail so... Anyway she's got the best personality and I super kind and funny oh and she's half aboriginal which find is awesome. We call her the cuddly snuff XD

Elli is very tomboyish. She has brown hair which ends at her shoulders and the tips are bright red she's super fun and not Afraid to express her thoughts. She also shops in men's section and refuses to wear makeup and dresses :3
She's basically the big sister because she's very very protective!

I talk a lot..... Stay on track Ace...
Eh this is my diary so be warned...
Anyway that leads to me!! I have blue long hair ( literally like the picture for the cover of this book) and right side swept bangs. I can't really say much about myself but I'm obsessed with music!! Mainly pop punk and classic rock songs. But to be honest..... I have been called a emo fag and gothic and all this stupid labels before. I refer to myself as alternative :D

Ok... So back to the sleep over

Elli unfortunately couldn't come cause she was sick. But we stayed at Incas house me, Loran and Ebonie. So night time peaked around and we were walking back with snacks from Woolworths because it was literally across the road. So we're walking back and we start talking about love... And how we can't wait to fall in love.

I stop at least 4 times not being able to finish a sentence because I probably would have said something like " yeah I hope she's sweet and we can cuddle." -.-
(They didn't know anything yet..)
So I decide that this means I have to tell them other wise it will keep bugging me.

So we get inside and when we're about to go bed I get up and say this.

Me: guys I need to tell you something important.

The pressure is on as everyone looks at me and get comfortable waiting...
Then suddenly Inca comes over and whispers in my ear and is like.

Inca: do you want me to tell them something worse so it won't seem as bad what your gonna say?

Remember she had no idea what this thing was. So I'm like yeah thanks!!

Ebonie: hurry yu upppp and say it already!!

So inca stands up as I lean against the wall still nervous and I didn't even know why but I felt like I was gonna say something stupid.

Inca: ok.... So........ I'm gay.

So... My heart goes 'NCSKAPAJFSN' I couldn't tell if she was saying the truth or.. She just made that up. So I'm like

Me: are u serious or are you just
saying that?....

Inca: *shrug*

So after a while of me fumbling and saying stupid things she goes

Inca: I'm actually not I just said that...

At that point my heart just shrivels up in confusion and utter shock.