Diary

Stuck in place.

So yeah, I'm still in love with the girl that broke my heart.
Ebonie <3
AND YES, I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE MOVED ON...
(Sorry :,,,| )
But it's not that easy when you really like a person. I've tried ignoring her a little.. Nope, I still flipping notice her like crazy and kind of just stare at her perfection..
am just going to write down my feelings about her and the period after she broke up with me.

Period 5:gym class

So we took our shoes of and stuff and started doing exercises and going on the tramps..
I look up from taking of my shoes and my eyes kind of land on her.
Her cutely painted red toe nails against her tanned skin <3
Her almost black hair was taken out with her salon curls on her shoulders. Her adorable smile when she closes her eyes and her teeth showing, her dimples close to her mouth. Her opinion is so different then others.. the way she says she hates you before cracking a little smile and looking down trying to hide it. The way she says she'll punch the shit out of anyone who says anything racist and she hears it. Oh and don't even get me started about her voice, that unique little voice.
The way she absolutely hates all types of sport but yet she's the skinniest out of us all. When she tries to stop me and my bestie Teeto from killing each other like the big mother hen.
Ok, I'm scaring myself about how much I notice about her. I could probably do something similar about all of my friends cause I watch people's moves and face expressions a lot. But Ebonie stands out like a flare.. I just love everything about her, I love her flaws like there complements.
Ugh, this is seriously painful..
Why can't she just be mine God dammet.
Also... I remember another gym session, a girl from another class came up and told me and Ebonie who were talking that people are thinking we're dating. Ebonie said a quiet "no" while looking down in her little thinking face while dragging me by my jumpers sleeve towards a gym trampoline.
So yeah, I really hope it doesn't spread cause she'll probably hate me forever and it'll be so awkward.
Anyway *le sigh*
I hate feeling like this. I want her so bad!! Not in that way.. but I want to hug her and share shirt adorable kisses while she sits on my lap. I want to feel love, something to keep me occupied from my messed up gory mind.
A couple friends know this but.
I have these really weird images that run through my head.. say I'm looking in the mirror doing my eyeliner, then I'll have like a image of me stabbing my self in the eyes gorging then out of the sockets.. It happens all the freaking time. Say I'm cutting something, boom. I cut all my fingers off and started eating them. Woodwork is the worst.. so many object to get images from..

Anyway, that's about it..
Bye for now I guess ^3-