Diary

Once and for all. Genderfluid.

It's been a week or so. And I've read some diaries from genderfluid people of awesomeness. And then some from the majestic transgenders c:

And I'm more then %100 percent genderfluid. And I am god dam proud to say that. Yes I know I thought I was demigender, but no. And for peeps who might not know, but genderfluid.

Can be sorta different for some people. It's basically you may accept yourself as a girl, but also love being a boy. It can also be having say three different personalities.
Bob, could be your name when your a boy, Katey might be when your a girl and then Sam might be when your neither.
You could also just be a girl one day and a boy the next you never really know. And that's how I feel because I understand am a girl, and I don't exactly hate myself for it. And I'm not gonna pretend to hate my parts just so I can classify as transgender and be done with it. But nope, I'm both, neither, and the one at a time. And that's just how it is, that's also might be why I'm bisexual. It makes heaps of cense now. I'm feeling a lot better about myself, I feel a lot more comfortable.. and I know it's still gonna be hard because I know for a fact that some most boys in my class are gonna be dicks about it to me and be all like "so your a boy?"

" are you a lesbian?"
"How can you be both genders??"
"That's weird having two names."
And I really don't feel like explaining my gender orientation to some thick skulled meat brains.

Is is also convenient that I wanted to change my name to alex, I really do love the name Alex. Maybe that will be my name when I'm a boy ^3^
(Author note: I'm smiling like an idiot right now.)

I know it's gonna be crazy hard to come out to people besides my close friends. Ill start with my mom. Then if I get the guts to, Talk to my dad and seriously hope for the best. My dad is the one I'm scared about talking to. I know my moms gonna be so ok with it. But i really don't know what to expect from my farther.
A little moment that happened a couple days ago~

Me and my new friend Ruby were sitting together and this substitute teacher came over and said something congratulating that she did her work and she also said the word boy in it. I can't remember the sentence don't judge me. And we both turned to each other like

'What.........'

And then without thinking I just said "am I a girl or boy?" Because I wanted to see what she thought I was.
And she was like "girl obviously! Unless you want to be a boy." And I couldn't really answer her. I hair replied saying "I didn't say that.."

And it was even weirder when the teacher literally looked at Ruby's boobs then was all like.

"Oh sorry! I thought you were a guy *laugh*"

And it's also been kinda hard when friends are calling you girl pronouns and I'm kinda here like "yeah...... I'm not gonna say anything." And you feel kinda guilty I guess,

(Authors note: I'm almost crying from how happy I am)

Either way I'm so happy, I know who I am. I can't even Write down my happiness in this diary!! I'm exploding!! x33
I just dyed my hair blue again because my hair was looking pretty gross. And put on my black beanie some jeans, red checked flannel and a black and white Mickey Mouse shirt X3 also pinkie toe nails... And some big yellow glasses without the actual glasses part inside of them, lewl dun judge I felt like it >3<
I'm really happy. But one issue I'm gonna face is buying clothes and wanting to get a chest binder. Untill I feel comfortable telling my mom I'm genderfluid I still wanna be able to buy some new clothes . I only have a few things I can wear when I'm a boy. And it kinda sucks, but eh I'll deal with it but is it still kinda disappointing when you dress all like a guy and then see your.... Yeah, that's kinda how I feel now not that I have big boobs or anything but I can still see them when I'm wearing a shirt ):(. But anyway I'm still smiling c:

And I'll always remember this day. When I knew for certain that I am and will forever be, a genderfluid bisexual.

~Amber.