Diary

Dad..

Ok. This topic has been itching my brain out.. Take your favourite ice cream... Scope out a big chunk. Eat it and think of the flavour, then put it back when you just started. that's how I feel -.- (I'm the best in descriptions aren't i XD *sarcastic*)

Also I downloaded 'sleeping with sirens' album madness and omggg I'm in love fuck!! If I don't find love I'll just marry this album, I seriously recommend, for those who don't know there a punk pop/ rock pop band :DD
Ok...
On a more serious term
I think my dads a homophobic, there's a %60 percent chance.. Actually make it %75 *sighs*
It's stressing me the fuck out.
His not Christian. And his sister (my Aunty) is gay and married (they were in my first chapter)
And I really really wanna visit them. because I know I'm bisexual I would seriously do anything to talk to them.
(Authors note: I'm almost crying.)
I feel like there the only family members I would feel comfortable talking about it to. because I wouldn't be surprised if they had the same feelings and confusion. UGHHJ the urge.. :,,,(

Now back to dad. I think I'm going to ask him tomorrow..
But here's a couple things his said since I got here.

So when America made gay marriage legal. I wasn't in aware in the time and sitting next to dad, and he was on Facebook and scrolling i notice a lot of rainbows, and then a picture of my Aunty and her wife hugging and a rainbow background so I was like.

Me: what's with the rainbows?

Dad: some gay thing.

So.. Yeah. I then looked it up and saw the massive news, I think it made people so happy was because America is like the biggest content in the world fame/popular wise. And so many countries will notice what they had done and perhaps copy. Anyway, I saw people so happy and partying and that made me happy :)

Another thing his said.

Me: whoa.. That's such a nice car!

Dad: *laugh* it looks so gay.

Another thing... his so freaking strict about my image being perfect, I'm not kidding. I'll be wearing some black jeans (my school ones that I wear everyday) thing one small hole in it. And he'll look at me like,
"I didn't raise a tramp."
(Even though he barely raised me.. But you get the point.)
Also about how I wear black all the time, calling me a, and I quote,

' heavy metal'
'Tramp'
And something that I can't remember but something in between a red neck and bogan?

So yeah I'm feeling like I wish I wasn't here. Also I got into a fight in emails with my mom, so I feel really bad.. and yeah that's that.

Another two things his said today actually and these are word for word true.

"I'll turn gay and marry a big black guy, or maybe a skinny aboriginal"

So that's not only racist but I had the worst feeling in my stomach..

He started picking on me how I always wore black ..

"God.. You may as well paint your nails black and get black lip stick."

So I just look at him without an expression.. Then he says

"I use to have black nails.. Yeah I was gay, joking I just liked experimenting"

And that just disgusted me, *le sigh*

I just took a little break and emailed my mom who's is Bali (holiday) and asked her what I should do (with out saying much things about me being bisexual and stuff....) and also apologised a lot and alot.

Also I just watched 'zombie land'
It's amazing omg... The twinkies, the badass guy and the two girls!! Daddy likes :3

Ok I'm going to go!!
Love ya bye

~Ace