One true love | Eddie Munson

19 : H A I L E Y

. . .

Flashback after flashback. It was bad before. Now it's just worse.  We all have bad days, but I haven't been out of the house in months. After Christmas break I went for the first three days, but nothing felt right. I felt out of place, I didn't go to any of my practices. At lunch I would sit with Nancy and Steve. 

I haven't been talking much to Nancy. A part of me wishes that we weren't friends anymore, not because I don't want to be her friend, trust me she's the only true friend I'll ever have. But I didn't do anything to try and save her from the demogorgon. I just stood there, and I'm normally not the one to back down from a fight, middle school me could tell you all about that. I don't think I can forgive myself for it. I've felt guilty ever since. 

It just all comes and goes in waves. Normally I know how to keep myself happy, but recently I haven't been able to find it or how to make the temporary happiness stay. It's been over three months and I just haven't been able to get back into the swing of things. I stopped going to school after the first week back. 

Eddie comes by and drops off my school work and stays with me for a while. Nancy came by once to check on me. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to be around me either. Eddie complains when I wake him up for school; he begs me to come back, but I just don't feel comfortable yet, or maybe I just will never be comfortable with anything again. I haven't verbally quit the cheer squad, but I bet they've kicked me off by now. I don't want to go anymore because I don't want to keep starving myself for the perfect body. I also didn't want to be second best to Cassidy, but that's what I'll always be at that school; second best.

I've started to wear sweaters and sweats more often. I didn't feel pretty anymore and this is the closest I can get to hiding my body, the secrets it possesses; I would do anything to hide from everyone. My nightmares started up again and not only of the night with the demogorgon, but when my dad died. My mom wouldn't sleep and she was constantly smoking and drinking. I remember when she got better. I would walk her to rehab on Fridays back when we lived in Ohio. I was proud of her and I still am. I think I'll always be proud of my mom. She's been through too much. I wish she wouldn't worry about me. She knows I'm not okay, but she doesn't push me to tell her what's wrong. I know I'll be okay. Secrets I couldn't tell her or Eddie were eating at me. 

Secrets that I wasn't supposed to talk about only to people who know which is Steve and Nancy. Steve had found out what I had been doing to myself one Sunday. 

. . .

Trigger Warning: If you feel uncomfortable with mention of SH I recommend you skip to the next three dots :) 

. . . 

*flashback* 

February 24th, 1985

I jumped seeing him in the threshold. I wasn't expecting anyone, since my mom was at work. I wasn't surprised to see him here. It was Sunday and he knew where our spare key was. We were both frozen just staring at each other. He had caught me. 

"Hailey, what are you doing?" He looked down at me, seeing it, he dropped the bag of food and sat on the floor across from me.

"I can't do this anymore." I looked at him, ignoring what I'd just done, "I'm stuck and I want to be unstuck so badly. I was trying really hard Steve, I was trying really hard to get back to how I was and I just couldn't. I'm trying to get to how I was before but I can't." I sobbed and brought my knees to my chest and hid my face, I was ashamed of it. 

Steve wrapped his arms around me pulling me closely into him. He kissed the top of my head. I could feel him shaking, he was crying. We were both crying. He looked at me and wiped my tears.