𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄 ! 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

contes de regret (m. sturniolo)

↳ summary: in which matt spends his days writing his tales of regret leading up to the day, knowing he has to act fast or he'll lose you to a mutual friend for eternity.

↳ warnings: swearing, allusions to cheating, anxiety and i think that's about it.

↳ author's note: title loosely translates to tales of regret in english from french.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

matt's pov

i knew it was wrong to be flicking through her recent posts on instagram. to be looking at the life and relationship she was building for herself and feel anger i wasn't a part of it. i knew it was wrong to feel jealous. to wanna be the one she's marrying. i fucked up. i made the wrong choices. i chose the wrong girl after telling yn that she was it for me.

with a loud and heavy sigh, i pulled out my notebook, dating the page and allowing my feelings to spill out before me.

hey yn,

it's me again. it's been 1, 095 days since we broke up. three years. it hasn't gotten any fucking easier. god i wish i hadn't picked camila. i wish i picked you. but now you and nathan are engaged. i'm glad he's able to love you in the ways i couldn't.

but jesus christ it kills me to see you with him. it kills me to see how happy he makes you. i should be the one making you happy. but i'm not. and that's my fault entirely.

i'm glad you and nathan agreed to invite me to the wedding. if i can't be the one to marry you, i'd like to celebrate you getting married.

love,

wait never mind.

sincerely, matt.

as i wrote love, i found myself furiously scratching out the word, ignoring the the way my heart shattered. sighing, i folded the cream coloured piece of paper, tucking it away in the box of letters i'll never send and hiding the box beneath my bed. leaving the tales of regret for another day when i can't stop staring at the polaroids of yn, tucked away in an envelope hidden in my desk.

dear yn,

it's been 1, 145 days since the break up. three years, one month, two weeks and five days. counting the days is the only thing that helps me. i don't know why but it does.

you had your wedding social last night. we talked for a bit and i had never seen you smile so big. party planning was something you had always loved.

but don't think i missed the look of relief that flashed in your eyes when you saw me. it was the same look you always gave me after a long day at work. or a busy day with university. it was the same look you gave me whenever you needed me.

i'd like to keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, you still need me like i need you. that you miss me just as much i miss you. i found the ring i bought you. it was tucked away in a box in my closet.

god it fucking hurt to see it. because i was reminded why i have again. i remember you throwing it at me the day you found camila and i. i can't believe i brought another girl to our room.

i haven't fully apologized for what i did. maybe it's because i'm not ready to admit that i fucked up. and maybe because if i apologize, it'll mean that i'm accepting we're over.

and i'm not ready to do that yet.

sincerely, matt.

like i had many times before, i folded the page and tucked it away for the day i finally send these to yn. grabbing my phone, i sent her a text, asking if we could meet up for a moment, just so we could talk. when i had finally gotten a response, i grabbed my keys before quickly and carelessly trampling down the stairs and shoving my feet into my shoes.

pulling into her driveway, i watched as she walked out of her mom's house, drawing her hoodie tighter around her. when her eyes met mine, it felt like the world around us had stopped. everything moved in hazy blurs in different hues of grey, blue and white. except her. she stood there as clear as ever, her red hoodie held tightly in her hand and her h/c tied in a loose bun. after she knocked on the window, i was transported back to reality, quickly unlocking the car and turning to face the steering wheel as she climbed in.

"so what did you wanna talk about matt?" she spoke, her softly spoken words reverberating around my head and chest, causing me subconsciously chew on my nail, which i hadn't noticed until her hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling my hand away from my mouth.

"quit chewing your nails matt."

"i miss you. i know i fucked up. but you should know that after you left that night, i never did anything with camila. i had know the intention seemed like it was there but i promise it wasn't. i was gonna hang out with her yes, but i never planned on going any further than hanging out as friends. i never could've done that to you. christ i am so in love with you. i don't know why i'm trying to convince you that i didn't cheat because you and nathan are gonna get married soon but a part of me hopes that you're still as in love with me as i am you. part of me wants to know if not being together kills you like it's killing me." i rambled, fiddling with my fingers as she sighed.

"you still chose her after the break up matt. that's what fucking killed me. that's what still kills me. seeing you with her, god it hurts. i'm with nate because i thought i loved him but seeing you tonight, i just-"

i cut her off by delicately placing my hand under her chin, turning her face to toward mine, my eyes flicking toward her lips.

"can i kiss you?" i whispered, testing my luck as i unbuckled my seatbelt, leaning over the centre and closing the distance between us, my lips ghosting over hers as she nodded, smashing her lips against mine desperately, growing tired of my hesitation. what was supposed to be a quick kiss turned into a slow makeout session. pulling away from her, i sighed.

"fuck matt, what am i supposed to tell nathan?"

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

a/n pt 3: oooooh cliffhanger🤭