𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄 ! 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎

plus que tout (c. sturniolo)

↳ summary: in which y/n is scared to tell her boyfriend when she feels like her world is falling apart, luckily enough, he knows her better than she thinks.

↳ warnings: swearing, anxiety, self deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety/panic attacks.

↳ author's note: title loosely translates to more than anything in french.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

THIRD PERSON POV

y/n very seldomly outwardly praised herself for anything. she wasn't quick to give herself a pat on the back for much, due to constant self doubt swirling around in her mind.

but the one thing she prided herself on was her independence. she was quick to admit that she didn't need help with much, and was even quicker to go to extremes just to prove her point on the matter.

and that's what caused chris to fall in love, he needed a girlfriend that was independent because his hectic schedule called for a lot of time away from those he held closest. so when he met y/n and got to know her beneath her stubborn front, he thought she was perfect.

but,

as much as he loved her independence, he also hated it. dating an independent person meant that chris wasn't able to spoil the girl in the ways he so desperately thought she deserved to be. he would give her the world on a silver fucking platter if he could.

he wanted to plan dates out, treat her to a nice dinner and pay for her because she paid for everything she wanted, she achieved everything she wanted, and it pained chris because he knew that she saw as it a charity case.

and that's not what it was.

so after a few arguments, chris finally got his point through to her. he wasn't doing it because he felt that she wasn't able to do it herself, he was doing it because he felt that she deserved a chance to relax, to not worry about something for one night.

and it took time for y/n to accept the idea of allowing herself to let other people in, to let others help. it took her a long time to realize that she didn't have to do it all by herself. but that's what happens when you grow up learning to do everything on your own.

for the most part, she let chris help. she let him weasel his way into her heart and soul, although she didn't put up much of a fight, and she let him start to take care of her in ways she desperately craved deep down.

but, she was adamant that she could solve her mental problems on her own, that she didn't need someone to hold her while she cried or came down from anxiety attacks. she was strong, she was capable. and she'd repeat that to herself like a self-proclaimed mantra.

but everyone needs a shoulder to cry on every now and then.

THIRD PERSON POV

y/n sighed, pacing the laminate flooring of the kitchen in triplets' los angeles home, anxiously biting her nails as her eyes fluttered shut, trying to ease the pressure building behind them.

she didn't know what caused the sudden influx of anxious pressure rising in her chest, or the instability of her hands. she didn't know and it caused her to panic further. she just wanted it go away.

she quietly pulled herself away from chris' sleeping figure before trekking up the stairs and into the kitchen. she felt bad, chris had been rather clingy tonight and she craved nights like this. but her anxiety had disrupted the night and now she was moments away from breaking down right there in the middle of the kitchen.

"c'mon y/n, get it together." she spoke to herself, rolling her head back and forth over her shoulders as she shook her hands out, hoping that she was just restless after a busy day. but the shaking in her hands, the pounding in her ears and the pressure behind her eyes only got worse.

she felt her entire body start to tremble slightly as she stumbled over to the couch, tucking herself into the corner of the sectional with her arms hugging her knees tight against her chest and her forehead pressed against her knees.

chris, overtime, had developed a sixth sense when it came to his girlfriend. he could tell of something was wrong or off within a mere second of looking at her.

so when he woke up in the middle of the night to her side of his bed empty and the blankets askew, his heart immediately sank to the pit of his stomach. she was normally able to sleep through the night without waking up once she had climbed into bed.

so with bleary vision and tired movements, he climbed out of bed and checked his bathroom only to find it empty. rubbing his eyes with a limp hand, he sighed and walked out of his room, blindly taking the steps. as he neared the second, he heard soft whimpers and sniffles.

if he was a dog, his ears would be fully perked up and alert as he climbed the last few stairs hastily, rounding the corner his eyes worriedly scanned the room, almost immediately landing on the figure of his girlfriend sobbing into her arms, softly rocking herself back and forth.

y/n's head whipped around to the sound of feet padding across the floor, her sight landing on chris' walking toward her. the tears flooding her waterline impaired her vision terribly as she tried to morph the four blurry visions of chris into one.

"y/n, it's me." chris tiredly whispered, slightly hoarse as he sat beside her, keeping space between the two just to prevent her from feeling even more overwhelmed.

"i'm okay chris, go back to bed i'll be there soon." the girl mumbled, angrily and shakily wiping at the tears falling down her face.

"baby, you're not okay. what's wrong?"

"it's nothing chris, i can deal with it on my own." she sighed, her voice trembling as she tried to steady her uneven breathing.

"i know you can deal with it on your own, but you don't have to. let me help, please, i hate seeing you like this." chris pleaded, taking one of her shaking hands in his, feeling it come to an almost immediate standstill. he took that as a sign to pull her into his lap, her head resting on his shoulder while the side of her body pressed into his chest, his arms wound tightly around her body.

he held her while she cried, his left palm applying pressure her back as it ran up and down along the span of her spine, his other hand rested against the side of her face, his fingers tucked beneath her hair as his thumb rubbed against her cheek.

"i love you, y/n, more than anything. but you don't have to do everything by yourself anymore, you gotta let me help you sometimes, okay? let me be your shoulder to lean on when you're tired and can't do it by yourself." chris murmured, his lips moving against her forehead as he turned to face her as she nodded.

"we're a team, neither of us are alone." he whispered again, pressing one last kiss to her skin before sitting there and hold her, moving both his arms so that they fully wrapped around her, gently rocking her until she fully calmed down.

it wasn't going to be easy for her, letting her guard so completely but she felt that chris was worth trying for. he was compassionate and understanding, he took his time with her, and that alone was more enough for her to really try.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

a/n pt 263736: this was fully self indulgent bc i'm stubborn and won't let ppl help me when i'm struggling