How To Have You (Professors Series #1.)

Prologue

Regrets.

Regrets from the past that were holding me back.

That's what I have right now, regrets of keeping my love for one person. Regrets of choosing to think of everyone else, make everyone else proud than to stay and fight for who I really love. Regrets, because I was afraid to ruin her world. Her reputation mean to her because she has the name and who am I? A nobody.

But those regrets are what motivates me, it motivates me to wait, to wait for her to come back, to wait for the right moment so I could tell her that i love her, because I do.

I still do.

They say first love never dies. But the greatest always kills us, with pain. With pain that we wanted to endure just for who we love. The pain that made me love her more, the pain that I was willing to take just to love her. That pain made us changed. She has changed, a lot.

The old her wasn't able to be visible again, she was now stronger and matured, she is now the person who I've used to be. Cold and ruthless, those eyes that always looked at me with much adoration was now looking at me with nothing but a blank stare.

Blank stares like she didn't know me, love me. Like she didn't hurted me. The way I've hurted her.

There was the woman who made me felt Love because loving her was easy, pleasure because she was the only one that could give me butterflies, safety and assurance because she was the one who could give it to me willingly with no excuses.

How could one person make you feel like home, peace, and love. But that was everything before.

"Engineer Cortez, from Avex Engineering Firm."

That voice, the voice who was always sweet and loving to me. That voice who used to calm me. It was now gone, and it was now cold.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig dahil sa narinig ko mula sakanya, hindi ko napansin na nasa harapan ko na siya. My heartbeat was increasing.

"Avery Ferrer. Vice President of Cortez University."

Hindi ko alam na nakauwi na pala siya. I never saw her. Not even once in a long period of time. It was three years ago since the last time I've saw her.

"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry," Kasabay ng paghikbi ko ay ang paninikip ng dibdib ko. It felt like something was crushing inside me. "If I could take every pain you are feeling right now, trust me. I would."

"Please, let me go. I'm leaving."

"No! Let's talk. You misunderstood everything. I could never do any of that to you, paniwalaan mo naman ako... I just need you to believe me."

Even I don't get myself, I was the one who caused pain to her. I was the one who broke her heart, ano nga bang karapatan 'kong humingi ng tiwala galing sakanya?

She was ready to leave me.

"Pagod na ako. How could you hurt me like this? Ano bang ginawa ko para saktan mo ko ng ganito? Bakit? Why are you hurting me like this?"

"I know. I'm sorry, you did nothing wrong." I held her, she was now crying in my arms. Her sobs are breaking my heart and if only I could take that pain of hers, I would do anything to have it. Just so she can't feel that pain.

"I don't want to love you anymore,"

I couldn't let her go, she was my home. Hindi ko siya kayang bitawan kasi mahal ko siya. I love her. Her whole being, even her whole existence.

"I have to do this. Go to him and marry him."

"No, don't leave me."

Without any words, I kneeled on the floor. Lumuhod ako sa harapan niya kasabay ng sunod-sunod na mga luha at hikbi ko dahil napaka bigat ng nararamdaman ko ngayon, I couldn't think straight.

We were both hurting each other but I'll beg and do everything for her, I'll beg for her to stay. Risk everything I had just to have the chance to love her.

"I'm begging you... please, don't leave."

That's when I realized that I was beginning to be pathetic. Begging wasn't enough, pinapahirapan ko lang ang sarili ko dahil ayaw ko siyang bitawan. I am hurting myself because I was still loving her.

"Loving you means destroying us."

She left. She left without another word.

Umalis siya at nawala ng parang bula. I never got any news about her, she left without any trace na para bang ayaw niyang mahanap ko siya.

"Hey. What are you still doing here? The event's starting soon," A man approached me.

Tumango ako. "Yeah. I was about to go."

My eyes quickly landed to one girl when we entered the hall. She was in the center of the crowd, greeting and talking to the other guests. All of the attention are on hers. Lalo na sa suot niya ngayon.

She was wearing a light gray skirt and it was partnered with a longsleeve croptop suit, she was wearing a black plain shirt inside. She looks elegant and sophisticated in her clothes, pati na rin pananalita at pagkilos niya ay marahan.

"Can I have everyone's attention?" I looked at another woman when she went in front of the crowd, she was now holding a mic. "As you all know we have a very special guest, visiting here in our university. She graduated from Oxford University with latin honors, magna cum laude. Grabe, she's so beauty and brain talaga! Let's all welcome, Engineer Amara Cortez!" 

Engineer. I knew you'd make it, sana nandoon ako 'nung mga panahong nakamit mo lahat ng achievements mo. I wished I was there, seeing you striving hard to earn your spot right now.

"Hi... It's so great to be back," Tumawa siya ng mahina, mukhang hindi siya kinakabahang magsalita sa unahan. She fixed her posture a bit before clearing her throat, this time her expression changed. "It's been a long time since I last came here in the Philippines. I missed everyone, especially from this University, I had so many memories... from here. I had many first time from here..."

Pinalibot niya ang tingin sa lahat ng taong nandito ngayon, until her eyes went to me. She stared at me for a moment before deciding to look away, umiwas siya ng tingin at bahagyang kinagat ang labi niya bago ulit ngumiti, bumuntong hininga pa siya at tsaka tumingin sa harapan.

"I'm happy to be home... most especially because I am with someone special," Inalis niya ang tingin sa harapan at humarap sa isang babae, she guided her towards the crowd with her. "Here she is. Everyone, I would like you all to meet my fiance."

Para akong nabingi sa narinig ko, natauhan lamang ako 'nung marinig ko ang palakpakan ng mga tao sa paligid ko. I immediately walked towards the door to leave the room dahil pakiramdam ko ay mamumuo ang luha sa mga mata ko, I should not be hurt like this. But fuck it hurts! There was a bolt of pain that captivated my chest, it felt like a knife had stabbed through it. Hindi ako makahinga.

My tears only escaped when I was finally alone in the comfort room, mabilis na umagos ang mga luha galing sa mata ko at kahit na gusto 'kong pigilan ang mga 'yon ay hindi ko magawa.

It's been three years and yet I am still hurt, huli na pala ako. She loves someone else already and despite of waiting for her, natalo ako. She asked me a question before, how can she have me? But answering it now doesn't mean anything anymore, there's no point of her having me and there's no point of me wanting to have her anymore. She can't have me and I can't have her.

The woman she's marrying wasn't me.

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I've changed the prologue due to changes of plot sa upcoming chapters! Appreciate every patience y'all have!

- ashi.