One Hundred Fifty

27 - A Novice Wish

"I entered the novitiate."

It seems that the news was an abrasion that his mouth flew and opened wide. The white noises around us scattered, people making conversations, steps, chariot, even loudly but he seems to not heard of anything but the sentence I constructed.

The dark green pupils of his almost in diplopia eyes for a long period of staring at me is a whisper of familiarity with descriptions from the young women, whispering back in the days, bringing the reasons of why Christopher Trevarthen, here, in front of me, is a well known amiable gentleman which I didn't seem to understand before, but now, my heart wants to directorate.

"After one year of your disappearance... I was wondering where you have gone... I was... waiting." The betrayal in his voice is evident that I could not look anymore directly into his eyes. But it was a wrong move for my gaze have place in his long white fingers, with his middle wearing something shiny, something I haven't seen for a long time. Something I lost.

"Yes, I still wear the ring, Eliza."

I inhaled with a deep encouragement to return the favor of giving this conversation a chance to linger some more. Because it is what's right. Thinking hard what to say.

It's all right... maybe God had decided that this is the right time for a good riddance, before my enclosure in the monastery... It's just right to say good bye. No matter how painful it is.

"After that night." The last night I saw him. "I stumble across a sister, she fed me, she prayed for me. I was inspired-"

"In result, you left me hanging for a year? Is this the reward for my patience, smiling like an idiot while trying to fix your wasted life of becoming a rich strumpet? How can you forget-"

"Hear me out first and calm down Chris."

"You want me? To calm down after what you've just told me?"

His angry stare walk past me until I felt a nudge at my arm. Sister Grandiole smiled at me and wave the products she's been looking for, she stopped her motion as the presence of Chris in front of us, obviously staring interrupted her.

"Yes, can we help you?" She said.

He answered while his eyes stayed at me. "Yes. Tell me the monastery you're in."

"You can't visit me. Please. It's my vestition coming..."

"Watch me, sister."

There's no more terrifying way to scare a postulant, a novice in training, than the extent of ruining your preparation for your committed vows. The coming back of your fiancee should never be an issue as you enter a convent, if only I wasn't selfish.

I'm not even worthy of this habit that I consume, yet, I have the audacity to ruin the plan God has given me. Or is this part of the plan? Rough journey's makes a worthy finish line. Doesn't mean it does you good means it's technically the Almighty plan for you. And it doesn't mean it hurts you means it's not His ways intervining you.

Sometimes His hurtful path that you are taking is a protection from the pain that wouldn't do you good.

I learned this, in the obvious hard way as I served the gentlemen, back in the days, as a strumpet as Christopher have said. I was a high class harlot when I was only seventeen. No, I'm not the one who'm you pays on a pub, but certainly jumps on different bed, men who'm I don't fully know.

And Christopher, since we were a child was my hero. He saved me from my misery when my parents are about to kill me when I found out their secrets... They are criminals. Wicked down the bone. Christopher pulled all his string, almost all his monetary, just to catch them and save me. He knows something was wrong with the way they parent me when I was a kid. It was abusive, verbal, physical. So it isn't a surprise when they're not in an inch, cared for my lustful and impulsive ways in life.