Marvel One-Shots

Bûche De Nöel (Deadpool X Reader)

    Walking down the street you gripped onto your grocery bags as music flowed through your earbuds. You were walking back to your apartment after doing your weekly shopping and looking at the window displays that were up for Christmas. 

Your parents were visiting some friends in Montana so you were going to be having Christmas with just your cat, Anakin. You were actually kinda happy you wouldn't have to deal with your father's horrible stories or your mother's worrying. 

Turning a corner you smiled as the smell of chocolate hit your senses. Stopping outside of one of your favorite bakeries you couldn't help but go inside to find something for Christmas dessert. 

Anais, the owner of the bakery, greeted you with a smile as you entered the warm establishment. You placed your bags onto a table as you walked up to the counter, "(Y/N), What can I get for you on this chilly night? "

Her thick French accent came out as she spoke and you smiled at the familiarity of it. Looking at the display cases of treats your eyes settled on a Bûche De Nöel, or more commonly a Yule log. 

"Would I be able to pick up a Bûche De Nöel tomorrow? I know it might be too late but I need a Christmas dessert. "

Anais's face softens as you speak and she nods her head once you're done, "Of course, anything for my best customer. I'll give you a call tomorrow once I finish up. "

You thank her and collect your things, waving as you leave the bakery and start your way home. Beginning your walk you notice an older woman sitting on her fire escape while the sound of Marvin Gaye carries from her window. 

Humming along you make it two blocks before you're approached by a man. He was wearing a beanie and gloves and a heavy jacket. You were slightly weary since the only people out at this time were drunks, last minute shoppers, and crooks. 

He gave you a small smile as he walked past which you returned, letting out a breath you were holding in the process. You made it a few more steps before something was pressed into your coat and a hand was over your mouth. 

You let out a noise as he pushed you into a alleyway and rummaged through your grocery bags, "If you say anything, I'll fucking shoot you. "

Sitting there you hold in tears as he opens and breaks the food that came with this week's paycheck. A little ways down the alleyway you heard a garbage can bang but assumed it was just a stray cat and put all your attention back on the man. 

In a split second a sword had found home right between the man's eyes and you let out a scream as he fell to the ground, "HOLY SHIT"

"20 POINTS"

You jumped and grabbed a nearby pole as a man dressed in a costume came out from a garbage can. He stood as if he was proud of himself and dusted off his shoulder. Only noticing you when you smacked him with the aforementioned pole. 

He fell to the ground as you stood over him. Had you killed him? Oh Lord you had. You couldn't go to jail, you had work and Anakin to take care of. 

Your thinking was interrupted as the masked man groaned and grabbed the back of his head, sitting up and shaking like a dog that had just been bathed. 

"Ugh, I'm gonna be feeling that when I'm 76. Holy Mother of fucking balls. "

The man finally seems to notice you and your friendly pole as he looks up. You back up as he proceeds to get up but falls back, "Did you fucking hit me with a pole? "

Giving the man a concerned look the anger of your fucked up food sets in, "OF COURSE I FUCKING HIT YOU WITH A POLE. HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF SOMEBODY FUCKING MUGGED YOU AND WHILE YOUR TRYING TO THINK A MOTHERFUCKING SWORD COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND NAILS HIM IN THE HEAD THEN SOME DOUCHE CANOE COMES OUT OF A TRASH CAN AND YELLS ABOUT A POINT SYSTEM?! "

You can see the man grimace from under the mask as he stands up successfully this time, "Would you have preferred being mugged? "

Shaking your head you move past the man and began to try and salvage what you could of your groceries. The man shuffled over and helped you go through the bags, lifting up a box of Chimichangas and inspecting them. 

"I do declare, " he stated with a horrible southern accent "You must be an upstanding citizen if you dine on microwave Mexican food. "

Letting out a chuckle you grab the box from him and put it into the non ripped bag. 

"I'm Deadpool, though I might have to put douche canoe on the business cards. "

You're confused for a second before you realize he's telling you his name and that you had called him a douche canoe, "Sorry, (Y/n).) 

Deadpool nods before grabbing the salvaged goods and standing up, " Well then (Y/n), where do you live? "