Muted Anguish

CHAPTER 2: BREAKING DOWN

Cameron's brows rose in amusement when I told him I was nineteen.
"What?" I laughed
"Nothing. Carry on"
"I'm studying Marine biology" I continued trying not to blush.
For some annoying reason, Cameron's attentive gaze made me feel nervous "I Fell in love with the ocean ever since I was a kid. Most of my childhood was spent in Malibu" I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and continued "My dad was a lifeguard so I literally grew up on the beach. He taught me how to swim the minute I clocked four. Every morning we'd take laps around the beach together, swim together and do other stuff" I looked at him, he was paying attention to me with such raptness "My mum's Irish which explains the red hair" I flicked my hair for dramatic effect. "But dad's American. Am I starting to bore you, Cameron?"
"No" he folded his arms and leaned forward, a smile hooked the corner of his lips and his eyes twinkled for a brief moment "Please continue"
He looked more handsome smiling.
I could already feel the blush creeping up to redden my cheeks, I just hoped he didn't notice. " I considered owning a pet shark once" a chuckle slipped from my lips "but then I saw that movie. The one about prehistoric sharks. What was it called again?" I pondered momentarily "Oh yes. The Megalodon..."

Cameron burst into spontaneous laughter before I could finish. A beautiful sound that didn't go unheard by the students around.
"You changed your mind 'cause you saw The Meg?" He threw back his head and laughed again.
My cheeks burned a bright red "Hey!" I whacked his arm "Not funny"
"You do know that movie was pure fiction yeah?"
"Yes. I'm well aware, thanks. I love dolphins just as much. I can always get one as a pet instead of a shark"
"Coward" he mocked with a smirk before glancing at his wristwatch. "I don't have any more lectures today. How about you?"
I checked my schedule. "Me too"
"Oh, um, cool. You, uh..." He exhaled and tried again "Do you wanna go grab s-something for lunch w-with me?"
Pretty fascinating how this guy could go from being so suave to being timid.
"Okay"

We both stood up and headed to the cafeteria. As we walked, people started to stare at us and talk. Whispers flew by, heads turned and I got so angry. What was wrong with these people????
Cameron was silent as we walked.
Quiet and tense.
"Are you okay?"
"No. No, I'm not. I don't..." He paused "I don't like this"
"You don't like what?"
"The attention I'm getting. The attention you're bringing me" he replied without looking at me. "I-I didn't mean that in a rude way"
I didn't respond. I didn't know how to respond.
"They're staring at me again and I hate it" Cameron was speaking so softly I had to strain my ears to listen. "I have never been seen with a lady on campus before"
"Oh"
He increased his pace and kept his distance from me until we arrived at the cafeteria.

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We got our food and headed for the seats at the back booth. Away from prying eyes. As I took a drag of my milkshake and watched Cameron eat silently, I couldn't help but wonder how a bloody gorgeous guy could be experiencing such problems.
"Stop gawking Keisha. I've had enough of that already. You got a question you wanna ask...spill"
I leaned my elbow on the surface of the table and continued to look at him. "You wanna tell me what depression is like to you?"
He dropped a fry and shook his head "No"
"You should learn how to constantly express how you feel you know?"
"You think that information is new to me? Well, newsflash! I've seen the best therapists in the country. Plus, I'm a psychology student."
"Talk to me"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair "I can't. Even if I want to, I don't know how okay? There are no right words to define the feeling of depression. You'll never be able to relate to how I feel unless you've experienced it"
"Okay, okay" I whispered, placing a hand on top of his to show that I cared. "I'm sorry"
"I'm fine. Just...eat"
Thing was, I couldn't eat anymore.
Hearing Cameron speak, hearing the raw anguish in his voice made me lose whatever appetite I had.

CAMERON'S POV

I escorted Keisha to her sorority house. Figured it was the appropriate gentlemanly thing to do. Besides, I didn't want to mess up our newfound friendship. Keisha seemed to be a pretty good person but then again I still had trust issues ever since Helen left. The only people I trusted were my inner circle. My homies.
"So...I'll see you tomorrow?" Keisha asked, cutting through my train of thoughts.
"You know where to find me" I replied casually
"Okay. Take care"
I nodded "You too"