Muted Anguish

CHAPTER 10: SPEAKING UP

CAMERON'S POV

As I left Keisha I began to feel the anger building up.
It was all my fault. I was the one that pushed her away.
I pushed her right into Julian's arms and now I was feeling heartbroken. Who was I kidding? I was such a joker.
"Cameron, hey..."
"Not now, April" I brushed past her.
I never should've come to this blasted place anyway.
She padded along behind me. "I know how you feel. The feeling of rejection is one I'm well familiar with" she stopped walking "You'll be fine, Cameron"
"How?" I whipped around to face her, my hands flying in the air "How? I've lost her. I've lost her forever and it was my fault" I raked some fingers through my hair and exhaled "I pushed her away, April and she... she begged me. She fucking begged me not to but I did"
"Why did you push her away?" She asked softly
"Because" my tone had risen but I stopped to lower it " because I didn't want to hurt her. I'm - I'm toxic for her"

The anger was building gradually.
I could feel it "I've pushed her away only to call her back then push her away again! I even... I even hurt her, April with these hands" I stared down at my hands in utter contempt. Words couldn't describe how much I hated myself at that moment.
Another round of applause broke out spontaneously and I looked towards the stage, the current speaker had said something that effected such a response from the audience. Suddenly, I felt all that anger bubble up to the surface.
Awareness campaign my ass.
I started storming off in the direction of the stage.
"Cameron, wait! What are you doing?!"
I snatched a microphone from one of the tables and mounted the stage. The current speaker, a male student in my department cowered over my menacing glare and hastily exited the stage, startled, earning reactive gasps. A mixture of shock and fear from the students.
"Is this thing on?" I tapped the head of the microphone twice and laughed nervously.
Every single pair of eyes on the field were on me. Of course, everyone wanted to know what the psychopath had to say.
"I don't really do gatherings as y'all know" I started, a hand absent-mindedly tucked into the front pocket of my jeans. I hated the attention, hated the nervousness I was starting to feel but the anger appeared to be taking over.
"I mean... what's a psychopath doing at any gathering yeah? He doesn't belong anywhere near people, heck he doesn't belong anywhere at all right?"

Everywhere was dead silent you could almost hear a pin drop.
"But when April asked me here, I decided to give it a try you know? At first, I thought maybe I'll miraculously meet a person or two who will actually communicate with me, y'know now as a normal, decent human with a conscience should" Another humourless laugh slipped from my lips and I gripped the microphone tighter "but imagine my surprise when April revealed that it was a mental health/ mental disorder awareness program! Oh wow. Ain't that wonderful?" I'd started to pace now "That was when I decided to come you know, come see what y'all hypocritical asses had planned. Yeah, I'm referring to the entire psychology department. Yup, the people responsible for organising this shit show"

I turned to the section where they were seated and glared at them. "I see people coming up here to talk about how essential mental health is and about how people suffering from mental health issues shouldn't be treated any differently and shit but here I am, standing right here, a fucking living proof of everything y'all two-faced bastards preached against doing"
I paused to let my words sink in "Hypocrisy" I spat "This entire venue. This entire fucking stage reeks of it. Y'all shouldn't even be able to show your faces right now" I turned once again to face the section they were seated "I've been in your department, I still am and I've been treated like I was a fucking nobody. Like I don't fucking exist because I was unfortunate enough to be cursed with some shitty mental disorders I didn't ask for. Y'all are horrible people and I'm not just referring to the students in the psychology department I'm referring to all of you!"

I welcomed the anger, embraced it, and channelled it into my words.
"I hope y'all rot in hell or any of your loved ones or even you get hit with psychosis or something till y'all learn to grow a fucking conscience!"
April had ascended the stage now, she was trying to calm me down and take the mic from me
"Fucking let go, April. I'm not done and I'm not leaving until I'm done okay? So fucking let go" I said through my teeth. She backed away
"I am not a psychopath" I stated in an intimidating manner "I have a name and it's Cameron King. Y'all better start addressing me as that if y'all want what's good for y'all 'cause I'm fucking done playing nice. You say shit to me you get it from me"
I dropped the mic and stomped off the stage, rendering everyone speechless.