Muted Anguish

CHAPTER 16: CHANGE

"I'm perfectly fine, Cameron. Thanks to you" she responded
As the hall quieted down, April cleared her throat, ready to address the students.
I stood there nervously, waiting to hear what she had to say in the meantime wondering where she had suddenly gotten such strength from.
The strength that enabled her to stand in front of over a hundred students when she'd just attempted to dramatically take her life two days ago.
I feared that perhaps a part of her had finally... snapped.

"As you all know, this young man right here" she gestured to me and took my hand in hers "Cameron King, saved my life. If not for him I wouldn't be standing here today and some people would be mourning"
The hall was so quiet you could almost hear a pin drop.
"He's a good person. I realized that before my suicide attempt and him saving me only further proves that he isn't as bad as you people think he is" she stole a glance in my direction before continuing "He has his...issues, yes and that has caused you people to view him in a very different light but underneath all that, Cameron is a good person"
April stared at me once more, her shimmering eyes screaming the depth of her gratitude and something more.
"I am eternally grateful to you, Cameron. Thank you"

Fuck.
Bloody. Fucking. Fuck
She was in love with me. April McFallen had fucking fallen for me.
The lingering stares of sensuality. Of want.
The need to always touch me, hold my hand in hers.
I'd saved her. In her moment of weakness, I'd been her white knight swooping in on her when she was at her lowest and taking her in my arms.
She stood on her toes and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. Another round of applause broke out spontaneously.
"From this day on, let him be known as Cameron King, Harvard's hero and not Cameron King the psychopath because not only did he save my life but he risked his in doing so"

APRIL'S POV

My parents had hurriedly flown in from Canada to uncle Luke's house, where I was taken to after my suicide attempt immediately after they heard the news. Daddy dearest had been mad of course, mummy dearest had come in crying, not wanting to leave my side.
"How could you?" he barked on entering the house and spotting me sitting on a couch, my mum rushed to my side and wrapped me in her arms, sobbing loudly, uncontrollably.
My death would've destroyed her, however, I couldn't say the same for my father. He was a very cold, intimidating man devoid of all human emotion when he was with his family but he was different when hosting his programs...his talk shows. He was different with his clients, he was different when he was anywhere except at home or around us. Even now as he stood before me, huge and tall despite him being in his sixties, I felt the familiar feeling of fear creep into my bones. "You ungrateful child how could you attempt such a rash, foolish act?" the intensity of his gaze was like that of hot coal searing into my flesh "You want to ruin me. You intend to ruin this household...drag my name through the mud is that it?"
Mum's sobbing increased and it was starting to grate on his nerves. He took hold of her upper arm like he had suddenly caught a criminal and yanked her away from me "Control yourself, woman!"
He looked back at me "You are not a McFallen. No child of mine...no BLOOD OF MINE would try to take the easy way out!!!" he shook his head, an expression of utter revulsion smeared across his face "Like that wasn't pathetic enough you failed at it again"
"ENOUGH!!!" I yelled, jumping to my feet, losing it "All my life... I've dedicated all my life to pleasing you! Trying to make you happy, trying to make you see me as a daughter...your daughter and not some fucking perfect McFallen heiress..."
"You watch your tone with me, girl!" He commanded, eyes widening in surprise at my sudden outburst
"...yet. YET! You scorn me. You care so much about your name! your fucking reputation! The fucking company! You care so much about everything than you do about me or mother! You are by far the most horrible father to ever walk the earth!"
"How dare you?"
"How dare you?!" I challenged, taking a bold step forward and looking him dead in the eye. For the first time in my life, I rose my voice at my father, for the first time in my life I glared back at him defiantly, unleashing everything inside me, holding nothing back. I was way too angry to be scared of him.
Uncle Luke who'd excused us before on hearing the racket going on had come out of his room to see what was going on.
"You're such a joke. A two-faced fucking piece of shit..."
"April" My mum interjected, looking at me differently, worriedly. She was scared for me.
"Leave me, mother" I turned my attention back to father who had suddenly grown speechless "You've never for once appreciated my efforts. They were always never enough to please you. I just tried to kill myself for fuck's sake... I just tried to..." I could feel the tears coming. My vocal cords had started to tighten and the choking sensation was coming back gradually "I just tried to j-jump o-off the tallest building in this school and all...ALL you can say, ALL you can think of is how it would've affected your fucking name?" I threw back my head and laughed in disbelief. My parents exchanged quizzical looks and again for the first time in my life, I noticed a brief hint of worry grace my father's hard face.
"You're a psychiatrist, dad. For gawd's sake, you own a fucking Mental health Institute. What a fucking joke" I laughed again. A dry, humourless laugh "You should shut down the institute and stop hosting shows since you never seem to actually care. Yes, you've never cared about how deeply your harsh words and constant withering criticisms have affected me. YOU'RE A FUCKING BLOODY HYPOCRITE AND I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!"
He raised his hand and struck me in the face, the action causing my mum to quickly rush to my rescue. She stood poised in front of him, her hands spread out defensively. Uncle Luke sat on a distant couch silently observing everything that was going on.
I ignored the sting of the slap and opened my mouth, I still had one final thing to say "You've never for once failed to enthusiastically express how much you loathe the day I came into this world. Well, let me tell you something father" I stared into his emotionless eyes and talked "I too curse the day I became your daughter. From this day I cease to be a McFallen. Find yourself another heir. I'm done"
Like a lucid dream, I watched him fall to the floor, his eyes growing round almost to the size of saucers, his hand clutching his chest, his mouth gasping for air. My mother flew to the floor after him, uncle Luke leapt off the chair and brought out his phone to dial 911 while I stood there, watching him coldly.
"I hope you die you fucking bastard" I muttered and my mum's head snapped up to look at me in utter, wild, incredulity... horror, her mouth gaping open. Uncle Luke was too absorbed in the 911 call he failed to hear what I'd said. Turning, I walked into my room, slamming the door behind me.

He hadn't died, only suffered a heart attack but he had been hospitalized and mummy dearest didn't want to leave his sight. I'd asked her on many occasions why she still stayed with him especially when he never treated her right. Her answer always remained the same... she loved him. One day I wanted to love someone the way mother loved father but I never wanted to love someone like father.
Mum had tried convincing me to come back to Canada with them because of the weight of the press and everyone but I'd refused.
Fuck the press, I could handle them.
"You can enrol in some therapy classes" she had said but I'd bluntly refused once more and replied "I'll be fine mother. You just take care of yourself"

I then made up my mind to resume school the following weekday. Uncle Luke appointed bodyguards to follow me around. He had said so I wouldn't be harassed by anyone but I knew he was lying. He couldn't risk me attempting another suicide. People stared at me, and people spoke in hushed tones but I didn't care anymore. Something inside me had died that Saturday. Every bit of emotion, every bit of empathy I felt towards anyone except the person that saved me had died.

I'd shut out everyone, I'd cut off my friends and acquaintances, made myself unavailable to everyone except Cameron who looked so handsome in his snug jeans and leather jacket. It took everything inside me not to laugh on seeing his confused expression when the applause broke out. And when he'd seen me coming over, the surprise on his face had given me butterflies.
He had been terrified for me, stood up for me, defended me against my uncle, saved me and then he had given me a long, warm hug. Cameron did all this when we'd barely even known each other. It was then I knew I was in love with him.
Students trooped out of the lecture hall as soon as the final lecture for the day ended but Cameron stood by the door, leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I scooped up my notes and strutted towards him.
"What are you doing here, April?" he asked as soon as I'd gotten to where he was standing "Shouldn't you be in therapy?"
"Relax" I responded calmly walking out the door with him by my side.
It felt good.
"Are you sure?" he sounded worried
That fact alone, the fact that he was worried about me only caused me to love him more.
"Yes," I gave a dramatic roll of my eyeballs when my bodyguards assumed their positions some meters behind us. Cameron noticed and chuckled.
"It's not funny. I'm not even trusted to be by myself while taking a pee"
"I've been there," he said "Except my older brother, Harvey did the monitoring"
We had so much in common, we were perfect for each other.
A perfect fit. A perfect match.
"Lucky you, I'm an only child"
"So, what did your parents say?"
"I don't want to talk about it" I stopped walking "Hey, let's have lunch together"
"I'm sorry I can't," he said apologetically "I'm meeting up with Keisha"

Keisha.
Keisha, the ex he couldn't get over.
Cameron seemed to have read my mind and spoke up "We got back together some weeks back" he explained, a thoughtful smile on his face "I took her to London, where we spent some days in my parents' house. We got back a day before your...um."
I felt my entire body grow rigid. Taking her to meet his parents only meant one thing- things were starting to get serious.
My heart broke "Ah. I see"
"We can still hang out some other time"
"Sure. Sure" I replied trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice
"Alright, take care" and with that, he was off. Off to see his...Keisha.
I was suddenly enveloped with the feeling of anger and jealousy.
Why couldn't I have him? I finally find someone I really connect with and he belongs to someone else? Why? Why couldn't I have this one good thing for once in my life? The universe was just so unfair.
Annoyed and flustered, I walked to where my car was parked and got in. The bodyguards bundled themselves into their own car which was parked right next to mine.
Annoying pricks.