Muted Anguish

CHAPTER 9: PAIN

April paused for a second and replied "I feel guilty. I'm a psychologist, we're psychologists so even if half the school is avoiding you, we as psychologists shouldn't, I shouldn't. I'm sorry" She apologetically explained "Truth is, I was the one who suggested this. The awareness thingy so maybe students can finally see reason like I did. Maybe they can finally understand and stop the stigmatisation"
"I see no point in it" I answered sincerely "An awareness doesn't have to be organized for people to realize it's not right to treat people like shit 'cause of some mental disorders" I looked at her "Any person with a heart wouldn't do that"
"How's your girlfriend by the way" she was trying to lighten the mood by changing the subject. Instead, she worsened it.
"We broke up"
"Oops. Sore subject. I'm sorry"
"It's okay. She's better off without me anyway"
"Hey, don't say that," April said softly, placing an affectionate hand on my thigh.
My eyes narrowed suspiciously
"April"
"What?"
I sighed and was about to reply when I spotted Keisha walking into the field with Julian.

I was suddenly hit with a wave of longing and anger.
She looked so beautiful all I wanted to do was go to her, pull her to myself and kiss her senseless, telling her to come back to me and having to live with her peacefully without having thoughts or haunted dreams of harming her. Then there was the anger of which the Spanish idiot was the cause. He was with her, his hands around her shoulder, his mouth whispering something in her ear. I could see her giggle, could almost hear it. I missed hearing her giggle.
"Cameron?"
"Yeah?" I answered without taking my eyes off her. They both sat on another park bench opposite us and that's when I noticed she was wearing a very short skirt. It had ridden up her thigh immediately she sat down.
I could see it from where I was.
The fuck, Keisha?
She still hadn't noticed me yet. How could she when she was too occupied talking to him?
Muthafucking son of a bitch
"I'm heading over to give a short speech as one of the organisers then I'll be back. Are you going to wait here for me?"
I tore my eyes away from them and finally peeked at her "Um...okay"
"Cool"
She got up and headed toward the stage. I brought out my phone to distract myself but it wasn't working.
Nothing was working.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck
They were taking selfies now. Selfies on Julian's phone. She appeared to be having a good time without me, she seemed to be moving on fine.
You should be happy for her you dimwit!
I wasn't happy, I was jealous.
Jealous and angry.
Finally, she raised her head and looked around the field as if searching for me. Her eyes fell on me and our gazes locked and held for a moment.

A lot of emotions passed between us from that simple gaze. Keisha looked away quickly and turned to Julian. She slipped a hand in his and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. The schmuck then snaked a hand across her waist.
I felt the blood drain from my face.
A round of applause spontaneously broke out, I looked to the stage and realised April was done with her speech and heading toward me.
"You okay?" She had gotten to where I was seated
"Yeah" I lied "I'm fine"
She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes "You don't look fine. Wanna go get a drink?"
"Sure" I got up slowly "I definitely need one"
"You're so tall," she said in a low sultry tone "I have a thing for tall guys"
"Yeah, whatever" I responded flatly, casting another quick glance at Keisha and Julian.
April followed my gaze "Now, I see why you're so cranky. She seems okay"
"Yeah. She's doing pretty fine without me" I angrily answered
"And you're not okay with that"
"I should be but I'm not" I ran a hand through my hair and folded my arms, staring down at April "He has his filthy hands all over her"
"You're such a jealous lover. It's cute"
"Yeah, thanks. You're really helping" my tone dripped with sarcasm
"So make her jealous too. Two can play you know"
"What?"
She shrugged and repeated "Make her jealous too"
"How exactly am I supposed to do that?"
"Uh, hello? I'm standing right in front of you"
I stared cluelessly "And?"
"And..." She stepped closer, wrapping her hands around my waist "...I'll help you"
"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed quietly
"Shhhh... relax. Is she looking?"
I stole a glance at them. Keisha's gaze was fixated on us
"Yes" I replied in a whisper
"Good. Put your hands on my face"
"Huh?"
"Like, cup my face"
"I-I can't... I can't do that"
I felt the embarrassment rushing to the surface. I'd already started to stutter like a freak.
"Okay, then act like you playing with my hair or something. Just do something, anything"
I growled softly "Aprilll"
"It's going to work, trust me. Is she still looking?"
Except it wasn't just Keisha looking now, half the students were looking too. What the fuck was I thinking playing along? The psychopath and the VC's niece being all cuddly wuddly in public, of course, people were gonna stare.
"Yes. She's still looking"
"Good. We should go get that drink now" April slipped a hand in mine and whispered "Since holding my waist is going to be too uncomfortable for you, this should do"
"I'm sick of this game already"