Muted Anguish

CHAPTER 3: THE FEAR OF HARM

CAMERON'S POV

It was the first time I would break down in front of someone apart from Harvey or any of my homies. I'd let my emotions get the best of me when normally I dealt with similar situations by venting on objects in the apartment. Attacking the wall with my fists and breaking things till the rage subsided but the urge to smash things just wasn't there this time around instead there was the overpowering need to weep. And there was a different shoulder to cry on. Not Harvey's or Keith's or even Lester's... Keisha's.

Her voice was like a balm on my wounds... soothing.
I sought-after solace in her embrace and I found it.
Suddenly, the door flew open and Harvey, along with Lester and Keith rushed in.
"Ron, you okay?" Harvey came towards me in quick strides "I heard about what happened and came as fast as I could"
Sighing, he took my hands in his and ran his thumb over my bruised knuckles. "You taken your meds?"
I shook my head and got off the floor, a frown etched across my forehead. "No" I muttered.
"Do you at least wanna tell me what happened?"
"No"
Keith was gawking at Keisha, he looked at me with a confused expression, I was about to speak up but Lester quickly interrupted.
"Yo, Harvey, Keith, this is Keisha. Ron's friend"
Harvey turned to look at Keisha "Thank you for staying with him"
"It's nothing" she smiled sweetly "I'm just happy I could help"
"Girls flee from Cameron, especially when he gets this way but you stayed with him till he got over his episode. If there's any way I can repay you, please..."
"No. No, it's fine"
She looked at me but I looked away, embarrassed. Truth was, I felt pathetic breaking down in front of her.
"Since you're all here now I'd better go"
"Yes. Thank you very much. We can take it from here"
"Nice to meet you Keisha" Keith shook her hand "Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?"
"No, thank you. I'll be fine"
"Okay then. Cool"
I could feel her gaze lingering on me but I still refused to look at her.
"Bye, Cameron" she muttered before pulling the door open and stepping out.
"Okay, Ron you've got some serious explaining to do. She is smokingggggg hottt" Keith said as soon as the door clicked shut.
"Trust me, bro, I was just as shocked as you when I met her " Lester drawled.
Harvey placed a hand on my shoulder "Tell me what happened, Ron. You haven't caused a scene on campus in a long time"
"No" I shook my head "I'm not talking about what happened. Just forget it"
"Yo," Keith rubbed my back "You know we down for you anytime, right?"
I nodded while heading to my room "Yeah, bro. I know"

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I decided to skip lectures the next day. I knew showing up on campus would only bring me more attention 'cause of the Shawn incident and I wasn't ready for any of that. Plus, I didn't think I could face Keisha. She'd been trying to reach out to me, calling my cell and sending texts but I chose not to respond to any of them. I was being an ar*e. Yes, but I just couldn't face her, or maybe I was trying to push her away because I was scared that one day...one day I would snap. One day, I would lose control of myself and hurt her. The thought of that had been driving me crazy all day. The thought of hurting her, and being home alone only worsened the situation. I picked up one of my favourite books, The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and tried reading but I couldn't. Just as I was about to scroll through the channels to see if I could find something reasonable to watch on TV, the doorbell rang. I got off the couch and went to get the door. Keisha brushed past me angrily, barging in.
"Not cool Cameron. NOT COOL"

She spun around to face me, pointing a glaring, perfectly manicured finger at me "I get that you might have wanted to skip classes today. I GET IT. But you not picking up any of my calls??? or even replying to my texts??? Not cool. Geez, I was starting to think you killed yourself or something!"
I remained where I was, rooted to the spot in shock, my mouth slightly open.
"CAMERON!" She clapped
I shook my head, snapping out of whatever place my mind had wandered to and closed the door. "Keisha, w-what are you doing here?"
"Excuse me?"
"Never mind"
"You've been avoiding me"
"Uh...why would you think that?" I ran a hand through my hair and lowered myself to the couch.
"You refused to meet my gaze yesterday and you're still not meeting it now"
She sat beside me on the couch but I shifted a little bit, away from her. She moved again to close the gap between us till our hands were touching.
"Stop. J-Just stop" I jumped to my feet
"What is wrong with you? Yesterday you were literally crying in my arms and now you're what? Pushing me away?"
"Well, maybe that's the problem! I cried in your arms!"
"What's wrong with that?"
"Everything," I said softly. "I'm sorry about yesterday. My emotions were all over the place and you were there and... Look, I just don't want you to think I'm pathetic okay?"
"You really think I would think that all because you cried in my arms?"
I was silent for a while "That's cause I don't just 'cry in people's arms'. It means I trust you enough to let you see me that way and that scares me because I only just met you...and I DON'T JUST TRUST PEOPLE"
Keisha frowned and got up "I get that you have trust issues. I get it. I'm not saying you should trust me immediately...take your time, no probs. I just came to check up on you cause I was worried. I guess that was a mistake. Thanks for making me feel like a total idiot for caring"
Geez, she got it all wrong.
"Keisha...no...I'm sorry, okay?" I grabbed her arm as she walked past me
"Let go of my arm Cameron"
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm an a.hole, yeah but trust me when I say hurting you is something I never wanna do"
"Okay. Now let go of me"
"But you're still mad"
"I'm not"
"Liar"
"Just let me go, Cameron"