29 - Respect

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Leo might never recover from the sight he came home to. Isla in his bed pushed his resolve away. Her hair hanging around her face highlighted her expressive eyes. If only they weren't expressing fear.

He had forgotten she had been sleeping in his room. After climbing the steps, he peeked in to see his children resting peacefully. The only things on his mind when he entered his room were a shower and some sleep. Calming a frightened woman wearing only his old shirt crossed every invisible line. Except he had threatened the line during their phone conversations. First, he admitted she infiltrated his dreams, then he held her on a bed and almost kissed her. Would she have been receptive? The gentlemanly thing would have been to walk into his bathroom so she could get out of the bed. He would have if he thought he could hide his boner. She had been frightened, and he had a hard-on. He wasn't a gentleman because he covered his eyes but still looked at her shapely legs as they ran away. It was a shame the shirt hid so much.

He woke early and cursed since even the kids weren't awake. Following the aroma of coffee, he startled Isla again. Why did he stand in her space? To capture her scent. He could have easily spun her into his arms and continued with his dream, but Cody arrived.

As he sat, Riley chatted nonstop, and his eyes wandered to Isla. He hadn't expected to see her hair down again. His fingers itched to touch the silken strands. Instead, he humiliated himself by begging her to skip church. He needed to get back across the line onto his own side.

Later, Leo decided he needed to stay away from the refrigerator when Isla looked in it. Adjusting his pants, he stepped back. He needed to stay away from her, but he was metal, and she was a magnet.

As he pushed the shopping cart, Isla chose items off the shelves. Occasionally, he added a treat. She looked at him with a knitted brow, making him chuckle.

"My mother gave me the same look, but the difference is now I pay for the groceries."

She poked his back. "You and your kids eat too many sweets."

The hollowness lasted a moment. Sweets were a new habit. Autumn insisted on healthy eating. In his pain and anger, he started putting treats into the cart until his children ate sugary cereal their mother would have thrown in the trash.

He put his hands up. "I surrender." Then he lifted the bag of candy out of the cart. He would save his sweet tooth for Monday. Leo kept the candy dish on Chelsea's desk full.

Later, they sat down for lunch together. Isla sat rigid and picked at her sandwich. He reached out and took her hand. Her jaw dropped as he squeezed it and let it go.

"Hey. Relax." Her green irises looked at him. "We had fun shopping. Can't we be friends? I keep telling you we're family. I could never hurt you because I respect you too much."

"Friends? Hurt me?"

He nodded. What did he mean? He missed the companion aspect of marriage. Maybe with living together and caring for his children, they could have a nonphysical relationship. His old neighbor in California loved his wife, but he told Leo they hadn't had sex in years. Leo suspected the lack of sex was because the guy was a pig. Besides being a hoarder, he wasn't a fan of personal hygiene. Maybe that marriage wasn't the right example because the wife walked around miserable. When his neighbor shared his personal information, he thought Leo was a player because of his divorce.

Could he and Isla develop a companionship that didn't cross the line? Could it be enough for him? He knew for certain she would never marry him, and she would never be intimate outside of marriage. Maybe he was the one who fell off the cliff.

Bleeding out, he asked, "I know we talked on the phone, but do you have questions about my, uh, my divorce?"

Isla looked at him and looked down at her crust. She left some aside like Cody. Leo wanted to tease her about the waste but held his tongue.

Mumbling, he strained his ears. "What's she like?"

Leo had expected a conversation about theology or the Church. "Like? Now?" She nodded slightly. Warm, scary, everything to him and nothing at the same time.

He took a deep breath and held it before releasing it slowly. "She looks like she's sleeping. The tubes hide some of her face. Her mother takes care of her hair."

Leo thought of Riley with her dolls. Although it had been years since his daughter played mother. Frowning, since she lost her own. Why hadn't I seen it?

"Seen what?"

He shook his head. "I feel like a horrible father. I just realized Riley stopped playing with her dolls when her mother left her."

Isla looked at him. "I never had a father. A few kind foster fathers aren't much of a measuring stick, but even I know you are a good father."

He felt lost in her mossy green eyes. "I took them away from their mother, and we don't talk about her enough."

Isla shook her head. "Taking them away from seeing her couldn't have been easy, but the children needed to learn to live without her. Giving them false hope would be wrong."

"I never did that." Autumn's mother had. He frowned.

"I mourned Sister Agnes' death. The loss hurt, but only because I missed her on this earth. I miss her, but not the same. Riley has mourned her mother. She misses her but has accepted that she is gone. Seeing her would keep her in the grief process."

She amazed Leo with her depth of understanding. "You are very smart."

Isla shook her head. "I never went to college."

He frowned. "Do you want to?"

"I don't know."

Leo imagined her as a co-ed. The boys would think she was their age. His hand fisted. How had she acquired her compassion? "You've told me about Sister Agnes. Who else has loved you in your life?"

She put her hand over her heart. "Me?" He nodded. "My grandmother. I was never sure about my mother." Leo had questions but held back. "I saw some love in foster homes, but I always knew my stay was temporary, so I refused to feel it."

Leo felt an ache in his chest. "Do you feel that way here?"

She looked down. "No, I feel Riley and Cody's love. Loving them back is natural."

He smiled. "You are a natural mother."

Leo frowned. He thought of her with another man. The alternative was something he had never thought about. The image of Isla carrying his child didn't scare him. He had never thought about another child, but he was young enough. He and Autumn were happy with two. Life had been the reason for the five-year age gap. Both were busy establishing their careers, and the mortgage didn't leave enough for more daycare expenses. Odd how on one salary he kept a nanny. The lower cost of living in Boston made it possible, and also his career had taken off.

She looked down, embarrassed before taking his plate and moving to the sink. He knew enough not to continue.

When she turned around, she straightened her shoulders, and Leo braced himself for whatever was on her mind.

She softly cleared her throat. "I meant to ask you on the phone. I would like to volunteer for Vacation Bible School, but I need your permission for Cody and Riley to attend."

Leo's first thought was how pleased his mother would be. "Will they like it?" He didn't know what it entailed. Growing up, it wasn't a thing at his church.

"It's supposed to be fun. I've never been involved myself."

"Fine, but Isla, after next week, you won't be able to go to church during the week."

She looked at him, and he felt a knot of dread. She hadn't realized. Would she ask to drag the kids? They would hate it.

Slowly, she nodded. "I'll miss my walks." Only her walks? Could she read his mind? "I can pray anywhere. Sundays are the most important."

"Okay, then I'm going to take a nap before school's over. You should, too." He shut his eyes and imagined spooning. God, he missed spooning.

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