SINFULLY INLOVE. chenji

32

after last night, the two didn't speak to each other until morning came. jisung decided to give chenle some space to think and also thought it was a great idea to leave chenle alone for the time being.

and until now, they still haven't talked yet.

the younger noticed something strange, aside from not talking to him, he also noticed that chenle is avoiding him.

not actually avoiding him but whenever jisung would approach him, he will tell jisung to leave, not wanting to have the younger's presence.

he doesn't understand it. he wants to comfort chenle so badly, he also wants to help him forget those things for the time being and instead, enjoy their remaining days together because chenle will probably leave any time soon, but why is the older avoiding him?

he is also unsure of what to feel either, everything is being jumbled up and he doesn't know what to express first.

and again, jisung made an attempt to approach chenle, "aren't you going?" he asked the male who was laying on the bed, looking at the ceiling silently. his eyes were swollen from crying for an hour. the older sighed, closing his eyes after, "I'll just tell the teachers that i can't go." he simply said before covering his body with the blanket, turning to the side, his back facing jisung, "you can go. I'll wait for you here."

a frown is visible on jisung's lips. he walked towards the older male before sitting on the edge of the bed, "if you don't want to attend the classes, then I'll stay here with you." he said but got no response from chenle.

the whole room was engulfed with the annoying silence. only soft breathings from the boys are being heard.

sitting there in silence made jisung realize that he was not ready to be away from chenle and clearly couldn't handle being away from him. some things about him and chenle were only about to start but the older is already going to be away from him. what hurts the most is he has no idea when chenle is coming back or if he is even coming back, and probably, they will lose contact with each other once chenle is away which he doesn't want to happen. he might kill himself.

"why are you here?" chenle asked with a soft voice, yet, a harsh tone, as if he's asking jisung to leave him alone again.

instead of responding to chenle's query, jisung let out a long sigh, "chenle, do you want to leave me?" he questioned in a broken voice. it took chenle some time to answer jisung's question, "no, I want to stay with you." it let out as a whisper but jisung clearly heard it. chenle is requesting distance because he is likewise unsure of how he feels, everything in his thoughts is jumbled up, and he fears losing control.

he is devastated, unhappy, and incredibly angry, and he fears that he might lash out at jisung.

he doesn't want that to happen. he wants to treasure his last time with jisung because he would be leaving soon, but instead, he is asking for space because he is unsure of what to do or think.

"please leave, I don't want you here," he said, that doesn't mean to sound rude but from jisung's perspective, hearing it breaks his heart. but instead of leaving the older one alone, jisung placed his hand on chenle's shoulder, rubbing it softly making chenle silently hiss, tears slowly forming in his eyes. and because of it, chenle started to feel things that he wasn't supposed to feel. he's gradually starting to become more enraged and he doesn't know why. he wants to be alone and doesn't want jisung to see him like this.

he sat up and exclaimed, "I said leave!" he gave jisung a deadly glare while tears fall from his eyes. He lost all emotional control, and his rage has impaired his judgment. although he doesn't want this to happen, it has already begun and he was unable to stop it.

he began to fume somewhat in rage when he heard chenle yell at him. he is worn out from attempting to console chenle, but all he got was this. not wanting to yell at him, he made an effort to calm himself down. He attempted to soothe the older by holding his hands and saying, "chenle, calm down—"

chenle slapped his hands away, "why are you so stubborn? I said leave! I don't need your presence!"

and there, that's when jisung also lost composure. he abruptly stood up from the bed, glaring at chenle, "fine then! don't ever call me when you need help." he said sternly before leaving the room, shutting the door close.

when chenle was left alone, he slowly laid back on the bed. fat tears are streaming from his eyes as his sobs are slowly getting louder. he grabbed a pillow and buried his face in it, hugging it tightly.

what am i doing? he thought. he doesn't know how to express his emotions and it just suddenly got out of control and he hates it. being out of control makes us do things that we don't actually want to happen.

jisung was sitting on the sofa, his hands grasping his hair firmly and his elbows resting on his lap. he was having trouble breathing and his tears were dripping swiftly. these tiny tears quickly grew into a river, quiet sobs began to come from his mouth, and he began to shiver.

what did just happen? he got out of control and shouted back at chenle. what he actually wants is to comfort and make him feel safe but he didn't expect what just happened.

they both felt exhausted. additionally, neither of them knew how to feel. and they both lost control, hurting each other. When all they really need from one other is comfort, space, and time to think, they chose to act in a way that worsened the situation by expressing inappropriate emotions and saying things.

this is wrong. very wrong.

T B C.



i apologize for the very slow updates, i know some of you are probably waiting for my updates so i truly apologize. i already wrote the whole flow of the story but i just don't know how to write it in a very detailed way. we're also almost at the end so stay tuned :D


but i honestly don't know what to write anymore D: