(?)Friend

Einsundvierzig

I sat down as she closed the door.

"What's up, Mac?"

I smiled. "Things are pretty okay. I came out as a guy after being non-binary for a year."

She nodded. "What are your pronouns? And your name?"

"My name is still Mac, but my pronouns are he/him now."

She nodded. "I'll do my best to remember. If I mess up, you better get onto me about it!"

I nodded.

"How have kids at school taken it?"

"Eh. It's been okay. Most people don't really talk to me anyway. It's my friends who use it most. They've been great."

"That's great! Have you made any moves to maybe use the male restrooms and locker rooms?"

I shook my head, disappointed in myself. "I'm scared. The dudes here aren't the most understanding..."

"It's okay. Maybe you should try before you write it off, though. There's always the option to go in after everyone is done like you used to do."

"Yeah. Should I try today?"

"I think so. Maybe try and then if it goes bad, I'll fix the situation. Okay?"

I nodded nervously, picking at the seam of my hoodie.

"What else have you been up to?"

"I.. like someone. And I was going on some dates with this girl."

"Oh, nice. Are you together now?"

"No. The girl I went on dates with became a good friend and helped me realize my feelings for someone else."

"Oh. Funny how that works, isn't it? Who is it?"

I sighed. "My best friend Asaiah that I've mentioned a few times. She.. has a boyfriend, though. We've had some arguments over him before I knew I liked her. I would be kind of mean about him and jealous."

She sighed and shrugged. "Yeah, it's not always the best to have a crush. So are you sure she doesn't feel the same?"

"The friend I dated was named Lilly, and she says that Asaiah likes me back. I don't know, though. I don't want to risk my friendship and also overstep and cause her relationship problems."

She nodded sympathetically. "These things are hard. Maybe make some small moves. The way people respond to little pushes in boundaries is very showing of how they feel. By pushing boundaries, I don't mean anything bad. Maybe holding hands or other things that can be both romantic and platonic."

"Thanks. I sometimes say things that would make her suspicious but act like I'm joking."

"Yeah. How has she taken you coming out as a guy?"

"Pretty good. It was actually when I showed up at her house early to make things better and have her ride to school with me to talk. She complained to her mom about why her mom let them in and I just mentioned I'm liking he/him now. She fixed it and then asked about it later."

"Okay. Does she seem closer to you now? Maybe she had a crush and then didn't act on it since she thought you were not a boy. But now.."

I chuckled at my matchmaker counselor who believes I'm the most amazing human ever and everyone loves me.

"When we have sleepovers, she acts more shy when she's changing or stuff."

"Ah ok. Interesting. Well, I should get back to the kids."

I nodded and went for a hug. As I pulled away, I said my goodbyes and headed out.