A Blade and an Arrow

Let's Start With A Hand Shake

n. didn't expect the notification for this, huh?  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

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Feng Xin hadn't realized it soon. Hadn't realized it until he had to be in an actual life or death situation while still trying to save others. Hadn't realized it until now.

And he wishes he had earlier.

In the comfort of his own tent. Comfort of his own warmth and solitude. Staring at the hanging lamp for hell knows how long until he feels his eyes sting after what felt like years that he had to blink.

He was familiar with this. He had felt it twice now, after all. One too short it was deemed as an admiration type of crush, and another prolonged enough they made love. So, this wasn't an unfamiliar territory. Not an unfamiliar feeling, and definitely not an unfamiliar situation where he's trying to figure things out.

It wasn't as though it had to be years for him to understand what it is. To piece things together. To look for clues and hunt for answers. It was more of staring into space as realizations dawns on them like boulders falling from the heavens and hitting their heads.

However, it doesn't mean he likes it.

Sure, this was something he's experienced before and now have a bit of knowledge on how to face it.

Having experienced it before meant he knows damn well how much it fucking hurts. Like a needle embedded into his heart. Growing thicker and longer each time he tries to heal it until he's stuck with an extremely sharp and big metal inside him. And he'd have to deal with it. Force his body to get used to a foreign object even if it feels like he'd rather die – but he has to.

He's no coward in terms of pain. No matter what it is, he'll never run away from it even if it causes him death by the end of it.

But this one... this one in particular, he fears is a bit more different than what he's used to.

He's known long enough he's romantically attracted not just only to women, but of the same sex as him as well. Probably even more attracted to men than women, and well... it's his heart's fault. So, certainly, this part wasn't much of a shocker.

It's the who that surprised him the most.

It started with a little spark. Something akin to lighting an almost dead candle. Something that warmed him inside but was uncertain of what caused it. Then it grew before he realized it. It grew with every interaction. With every eye contacts. With every banters. With everything they do together even if it drives him up to the wall or gets dangerously under his skin.

It became a whole forest fire. Burning so scorching hot and so warm it began to sting. Stinging until it was painfully unbearable, snapping him out of his stupid reverie and there it was... the realization that he no longer sees the person as just a god he'd known for so long, but as someone so special and so important to him that he has to have him close all the time.

He curses. Sitting up with crossed legs as he leans on his arms with a heavy sigh leaving the hole of his mouth. He blinks up at the dark sky, perking his ears to hear only the steps of the middle court officials guarding the entirety of the mountain even if they themselves needed rest after the horrendous chaos that occured not lesser than three days ago.

He fixes fengshen on his back. Brushing a hand through his face stressfully and standing up. "We'll get through this, won't we?" He asks himself. Patting his chest as if to make himself be aware of the many obstacles and god-life threatening situations he managed to squeeze himself alive through. To make himself aware that he will get pass this one, too. "I'm a god for fuck's sake. I'm powerful."