A Blade and an Arrow

Heaven Official's Blessing?

Mu Qing sometimes thinks that Feng Xin was born dumb. A sack of bricks kind of dumb, pea-sized brain with barely any memory compartment in his head kind of dumb.

But as is, those were the times Mu Qing could see how adorable the man was. Infuriatingly adorable. With how he furrows his eyebrows in complete distress as well as perplex, lips forming into a somewhat pout that screams 'Just tell me it already!' and then Mu Qing would laugh and force him to figure it out. Then they would cuddle if Mu Qing decides to be touchy all of a sudden, otherwise they'd have to walk separate ways or just their shoulders brushing against each other when one accidentally walks too close when they're roaming the two realms.

This, however, was not one of them.

This time, he was only infuriating. Obnoxious, loud and annoying. Mu Qing was already fuming in anger and with the archer's voice constantly switching between angrily loud and pleading soft making his head spin in random circles and mind short-circuit. "I said I'm fine didn't I?" He sighed, stabbing the dummy one last time and letting go of the hilt. He glares at the hilt.

Feng Xin purses his lips, eyes fixed with a glare. "You wouldn't be here if you are. This is your fucking rage training field after all."

"And? Mind your own business, Feng Xin. If I said I'm fine, I'm fine, leave it."

"I'm just trying to help.. You know you can talk to me right?" And there it was again, the irritating gentle voice as if he was talking to a hissy cat ready to pounce. Mu Qing hates it.

He wasn't about to say that he was here because his emotions and thoughts caged him in a tight space, chaining him as if the inviolable walls weren't enough. Suffocating his lungs and disorganizing his mind until he sees himself falling in a dark pit of more darker thoughts. Thoughts of what ifs, advanced thinking and more questions with answers he was too afraid to risk knowing.

Voicing that problem out loud was at a level of vulnerability he wasn't ready to be in yet. Atleast not when he was sober. Drunk Mu Qing have the gut to spout bullshit with no shame, but drinking now would just put more distance between then so he pushes that option down.

Instead, he swallows and is acutely aware of the words if he was about to exclaim. "I don't want to talk about it because there's nothing to even talk about. Which part of that did you not understand? You keep nagging me and nagging and - is that why even your ghost ex-lover left you?!" A low blow, he knows. A sensitive blow, he already knows.

He watches as Feng Xin's face flashes from annoyed to clear hurt and amidst his stone of a heart, Mu Qing's insides squeezed. He opens his mouth to say something, and probably even apologize if his pride would let him yet the latter beat him to it.

In a voice the silverette cannot recognize, Feng Xin says lowly, "Right. I'm sorry, I'm - I won't be nagging you anymore. In fact, actually, I just forgot my junior officials asked for my presence earlier." He averts his gaze and turns to leave, Mu Qing reaches out- "I - uh, you.. take care, Xuan Zhen."

Mu Qing tries pulling his arm, a little too late when he sees the spot empty in a blink. He takes in a sharp breath before he moves to another dummy and starts hacking the non-existent life of it with his dagger.

He fucking hates himself.

❖

He knew Feng Xin would still approach him regardless of what or how their last conversation had ended. Still chatty and loud and all over Mu Qing throughout the day with smiles that did not reach his eyes no matter how it seemed like he tried to.

This was Mu Qing's fault, he knows. He also knows that a simple apology won't be helping, because this was not the first time he stepped across the unspoken boundary with no shame. Meaning, this was also not the first time he had caused his lover pain.