See You Around~ Grester (completed)

Chapter Fifty-Seven

Grace's POV

I sat on the hospital bed, my hands still shaking at the previous events. The midwife placed the gel onto my bump and began scanning. A procedure I had done many times before but never had I been this scared.

I was scared because I didn't know what to expect, I was scared because this was all in the dark and I didn't know where to look. I was scared because this time, I didn't know what was going to happen.

See, the times I have had a scan it had always been to just check up on my baby, to confirm that everything was healthy but this time I didn't know if it was. I didn't know what to expect and when I thought about what the screen could show I had to hold back tears.

What would it look like? Smaller? Weaker? Could you see how it had changed, could you see how lifeless my baby was? Could you see it was dead?

"Is it all okay?" I asked, my breathing quickening.

She frowned at the screen and moved the ultrasound across my stomach more. She looked over to me, a softness in her eyes; I couldn't define whether that was good or bad.

"Everything is fine Mrs See, baby is all okay. There's nothing to worry about. I'll just go get you a picture." She said, rushing off to collect me a scan.

I felt my chest fall in relief and I let of all the tension I had been keeping inside.

Finding out my baby was okay was the best feeling, it felt good to have something permanent in my life, something I know I would always have.

Over the last few months of being pregnant I've realised how much I have relied in my unborn child. It sounded stupid to put all my faith in a foetus within me but I felt as if it was a weight keeping me grounded. Times where I had had a bad day and contemplated every choice I had made, but I thought about my baby and suddenly leaving everything, running far away all by myself was a decision I could never make. I was thankful for this thing inside of me, for reminding me of all that I have and all that I have to loose.

Loosing something that you haven't yet had is worse than loosing something that you had for a short time. Like blowing out the candles before the end of your happy birthday song, like turning off the TV before the show has finished. All of my expectations, all of the fantasies I had created that I so desperately wanted to come true. A million possibilities of things that could happen, you start to imagine scenarios in your head of the future but it's ripped from you before you can even attempt to make them reality. Loosing something that you haven't yet had is worse than loosing something that you had for a short time.

The midwife handed me the scan, a little blob on some paper but it made me remember what I had: the opportunities, the fantasies, the expectations and how I had an shot at making them reality.

I thanked her, holding the scan tightly in my hand. I ran up to the reception desk, asked where he was and ran down the ward until I was at the foot of his bed. My hands trembling as I walked up to his head, my hand stopping on his.