See You Around~ Grester (completed)

Chapter Sixty-Six

Chester's POV

I am beginning to question whether my attempt to fix all my breaks was ever worth reaching.

If it was something that I had never actually contemplated and had just assumed would happen and I'd be okay with it, but it's not like that. It's not like that at all.

I know that these things take time and we can't all be better by the simple snap of two fingers and that it takes ten times are long to build yourself back together as it does to fall apart but I wasn't prepared for the wait.

The ever growing shadow that loomed over me, that followed me lazily wherever I went; the one I could never shake off reminded me of a past I could've had and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back there.

I thought about changing my mind about fixing myself and just leaving and coping with my broken parts. It'll get easier and soon it will become the norm. I'll know no difference and I'm okay with that.

Motivation was hard to grab out of emptiness and when you see no improvements in yourself it is even harder. And lately nothing has been forcing me to carry on trying and never give up.

Grace pushed me through the doors and I wheeled over to my personal trainer, he too was in a wheelchair, permanently paralysed as he always managed to mention, that there was hope for me where it could not be found for him.

But happiness has always been something which I had hoped to achieve and being able to walk again won't bring me ultimate happiness. Being surrounded by people I love will and I've already got that. My trainer will be in a chair all his life and he's happy; so why can't I be?

Why can't I be imprinted with the label 'disabled' and be left like that? Why are we always trying to fix the unfixable, filling in the gaps and changing ourselves until we're labeled perfect? Can't we except that everyone has imperfections and be okay with that? Can't we all be accepted?

I know in the long term I'm being selfish but right now it all made sense to me. Forcing things was never in my nature and if it wasn't meant to be then there was nothing I could do about that.

"You ready mate?" My trainer asked, slapping me on the back.

"Yeah." I groaned, knowing that I wouldn't achieve anything today.

"Bye ches, good luck today." Grace said, kissing me quickly before rushing out the door.

"Come on, at least try. For Grace yeah?"

"Yeah. I will." He was right, she was the only thing making me even try an attempt at getting better and I reminded myself of everything Grace deserved, my able-body being one of them.

"I want you standing today." He said proudly, walking over to some rails.

"Standing?!" I questioned, like it was a completely irrational statement, it was something I could never do.

"For your wife, Chester."

So I obeyed to everything he said and I listened and tried. I was incapable of achieving anything today, everything suddenly a thousand times harder and eventually after an hour of lifting myself out of my chair and placing my hands on either side of the white rails before falling down again I had to give up. I was getting nowhere and I didn't know if I could fall any lower.

"I can't do it." I sighed, letting myself fall down into my chair. My chest falling and my arms giving way.

"Bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, I can't do it. It's hopeless; I don't know why you even bother."

"Why I bother? Jesus Christ Chester how ignorant can you get?!" I was taken aback by his words for a while and it took my brain a little too long to conjure up a rational thought.

"I'm sorry I just, it seems pointless." I mumbled sheepishly.

"You should be sorry. You think I want to be in this chair forever? You think I'm happy with this label? You think I am okay with the judgemental looks? For crying out loud I haven't even spoke to a girl in years. Ever since I lost my legs people look at you differently, no one is ever interested in the disabled kid who can't get through doors by himself. You should be counting your stars that you have a loving pregnant wife that adores the hell out of you. You have happiness and love and an opportunity; what else do you want?!"

I stared back at him, taking in his words- unable to respond.

"You have everything Chester. Don't take it all for granted."

"You're right, I'm sorry." I asked feebly, suddenly afraid of the man who stood before me.

He nodded at me, as if he was brushing it off his shoulders and telling me it was okay.

"Now stand up and stay there you piano-playing ass!" He shouted, like he was an army patrol leader.

I levitated myself from my chair, let my shaky legs straighten as my weak feet were placed onto the ground. I reached out my hands and gradually placed them onto the white parallel poles. I straightened my back and put my head up high.

I was doing it, I was standing. A measly achievement but it was a start, a step in the right direction. I felt like I was on cloud nine, a hero- standing here.

I just needed reminding what I could loose and how easy I was willing to throw it all away. It taught me to never give up on what I really want; it's difficult to wait but it's more difficult to regret.