Moving On (Destiel)

43: first stage of dating

Dean played cards with his brother the first evening Cas gone, the first time he didn't feel him lying next to him in the bed, and even though it had only been a few days – Dean missed Cas already.

Sam seemed to sense it. Later that night the two brothers were laying in bed – Gabriel was over at some bar with a couple of his homies, and Dean didn't want to sleep alone in Cas's bed, so he had pulled out a mattress to lay in the same room as Sam, like the first few weeks they had been staying here. And Sam actually asked whether Dean missed Cas, and even though he hadn't planned on rambling, he found himself explaining to Sam – who was silently smiling in the dark – how much Cas meant to him.

And Sam, being the good moose he was, let Dean go on about his love, but tried to distract his older brother a little afterwards, so that his happy feelings wouldn't turn into a melancholic longing.

"Dean, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot." Dean was with Cas in his thoughts which was why he wasn't prepared for the next question.

"What was she like?"

"Who?"

"Mom."

It was quiet in the small room for a moment. "She was... a queen. But not how all the people call their badass friends nowadays – she was a real queen. Beautiful. Wise. Gracious. Forgiving. Loving. Bossy, at times. She knew what she want, and she got it."

"Like Cas, you mean."

"No, Cas is... Cas is an angel. She was a queen."

Sam chuckled. "How comes that you remember her so well? You were only six when you lost her."

"That's true," Dean didn't know it himself. "I just think... if a person that matters as much to someone as mom did to me, then you can never forget them, y'know? She didn't really die, either. She lives on in my heart." His voice turned sad, and Sam may tried to keep up the lighthearted tone, but couldn't help the seriousness getting to him, too. 

"Where did you get that beautiful, melancholic – if not sappy – line?"

"Cas," Dean mouthed, barely processing any sound. His mind wandered to the black-haired boy with the wonderful eyes that he adored so much. "Cas told me these words when mom died." And Adam, he added in his thoughts, but Sam could not ever know. He didn't need to feel the loss of someone he couldn't remember having.

"Oh," Sam said, and nothing for a while. But it became clear that to him this topic wasn't finished yet, when he spoke up after a while again. "Did you tell Cas yet? That you two knew each other way before we moved here?"

"I will," Dean said, and it was a promise to himself, as well.

"Soon, Dean, better be soon. You are... boyfriends now? And from what I heard... rumors and Gabe and eavesdropping you know, it seemed like Cas almost didn't want this relationship because he wasn't sure he could trust you. Understandable, since you keep so many secrets from him, and everyone here knows that."

"I will soon. I just... I'm not sure how he will react. I don't want this to end so quickly only because he thinks he found out about something again that I didn't tell him."

"You are aware this will only intensify with time? You know, your relationship is supposed to grow stronger over time, and with that, I guess he'll trust you more. And if this comes out after a long time... then he'll feel betrayed for his trust. It's like an affair. It will hurt much more if it's a affair that has been going on for nine months or whatever, rather than a couple of weeks."