Moving On (Destiel)

55: Can't stand it any longer

Gabriel held Cas in his embrace for a long while after Dean had called Sam down and they both had left through the front door. A long while after they had heard the car rumbling off the driveway. A long while after Becky had disappeared with Raphael to "treat his wounds."

And a short while after Becky returned, but she wouldn't put up with that drama any longer. She didn't care about Cas' silent crying, about his devastated face, when she went on how glad she was those two were out of the house. She added even one more reason on to it; that Cas had shoveled his own grave by acting violently towards Raphael.

And that was sadly something Becky was partly right with. Cas was never to hurt anyone or anything, and that event had left her speechless. But there all the truth ended already. 'Cause she draw the connection to Dean, saying it was his influence that let Cas freak out like that, and Cas wasn't acting like her son anymore. Cas started trembling at that, not comprehending how she, as his mother, could say things like these to him.

Whatever he did, it was wrong to her.

"Mother – would you just stop?!", Gabriel interrupted her a good half an hour later after she had come back, so basically an hour after the Winchesters left. "Don't you see what this does to him?"

"All I see," she scoffed. "Is him not getting his crap together! Why 'you crying, Castiel! Stop that; you don't have the right to do that. It's useless, it won't help you, and it won't bring you any sympathies or pities, so stop it. It only proves you're a coward."

Castiel's tears stopped at that, used to that line. He had never been allowed to actually cry or show weakness, and whenever he did, Becky would talk him down for it. For that, he had made it a thing to only cry when he was alone, but now? Right now? None of this mattered to him anymore. After what just happened, he doubted anything would matter to him anymore.

"You're heartless!", Gabriel accused her, and she laughed frantically.

"Putting me as the bad mother again, aren't you? I'm the best mother you could have, you little shits! One day you'll be grateful to have had me, you'll see how much worth I was, but now, of course, you don't. Now I'm the big, bad mother, huh?"

"You don't-"

"I wasn't done! I am talking here, and only me. Show me more respect, you ungrateful bastard."

Cas got his face under control again. He had had enough experience to turn into a sociopath in the right moments. It was just easier to blend out the feelings, the emotions that would only make him weaker than he was already.

"I don't give a fuck whether you're done or not!", Gabriel shouted back. "We ain't listening to this anymore. Right, Cassie?"

"I certainly am not," Cas said quietly, and Gabriel nodded. "If you're not going to stop and apologize-"

"Are we at the blackmails and threats now, or what? And I don't have to justify anything, nor apologize. You are my sons. I can do whatever I want to you, and you have no right to speak up."

Even if we did have the right, the thought flashed through Cas' mind, it wouldn't work. I tried to stand up, and I failed. Like I fail everything.

While Gabriel continued to fight their mother, who looked close to exploding, Cas freed himself slowly and made his way to the door. He didn't even pause when he heard his brother call after him, along with Becky, when he left the house and made his way down towards the street.

He didn't waste a gaze to the place the Impala would usually stand.

"Cassie?!"

He didn't turn, but he felt guilt rising inside of him.