The Freak and The Angel

Chapter 20 : Little Lies and Ending Lives

**TW, depression and attempted suicide**

Eddie helped me inside, I went straight to my room, flopping down on my bed in tears.

He came in a moment later and laid beside me.

I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed, everything in the trailer shook.

I felt his hand on my arm as he gently rubbed his thumb over my skin. He didn't say a word, just letting me get it all out. His presence next to me made me feel worse.

I let out another agonized cry into the pillow. Things fell from my bookshelf and side tables. Letting myself go like this isn't making me feel any better either.

Eddie removed his hand from my arm and gently pulled the pillow from my face, afraid I might smother myself to death. I tried to fight him for the pillow to stay right where is it, but he won.

I closed my eyes tight, afraid to look at him. How can he stand to be in the same room with me after I killed our baby?

"Angel, look at me. Please?" He softly spoke to me as he pulled me close, laying my head on his chest. "I'm here princess. I'm here."

I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I just laid on his chest, ear pressed firmly against him as I listen to his heartbeat. The soothing sound of his heart pumping almost instantly calmed me.

I felt him place his hands on my back, trailing his fingers over me and softly rubbing my pain away.

"Why are you being so nice to me right now?" I asked, still unable to open my eyes to look at him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He answered my question with another, holding me tight with one arm now as he continued to rub my back with his other hand.

"I've been hiding things from you, and-" I started to cry again. "I killed your baby.

"Angel, look at me." He spoke a little more firmly now. It worried me too my core.

"I can't." I whisper cried.

"Angel, please. Just look at me." His voice serious.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked toward his face, my gaze slightly to the side, unable to meet his eyes. He could tell.

"Princess. That's not looking at me." He brushed his fingers across my face, moving my hair slightly.

Finally my eyes met his. I was expecting anger and hatred, even though his touch was telling me I shouldn't be expecting anything but love.

"Eddie, how?" I asked, my voice raspy from screaming and crying.

"How what?" He looked over my face before meeting my eyes again.

"How are you okay being with me, after what I've done?"

His face dropped as if he just realized what a horrible monster I am, like he should get rid of me right now if he knows what's best for him. I realized, he's just sad for me.

"You didn't do anything. You didn't know. I love you, and I care about you, and I need you here with me. Forever."

"But I was doing shit behind your back. I tried to keep secrets from you. And I killed,...I killed your baby." I was so stuck on the fact that I was pregnant. I had no idea. I was using, and I did, I killed a poor innocent baby. I broke down again.

"I know, and I forgive you for using and hiding it from me, but you didn't kill OUR baby. It just isn't the right time for your body to handle that responsibility right now." He made sure to emphasize 'our' baby when he spoke. How is he so mature right now? He hugged me close and kissed my forehead.