The perfect groom ||

And more thorns...

Samayra POV

I wake up to the smell of nicotine and turn to look at my husband sleeping by my side. It's been three weeks since I... lost my baby. I resumed work three days ago and fired my driver since I'm no more pregnant.

I shut the alarm off and get away from the pungent smell of smoke as my heart craves to touch my husband but the whiff makes me repulse even the sight of him. I get out of bed and get ready, a part of me still amazed at how he was still in bed.

The past three weeks have been hell. I've cried, I've mourned and I'm somewhat trying to be normal. My husband on the other hand, reminded me how consuming his job is. He was always around for my pregnant self that I had forgotten the demanding hours of his occupation. I barely see him. He would return way past midnight and leave before I was up. Sometimes, I would wake up to notice the bed beside me wasn't even slept in. Yeah, sometimes he didn't come back for the night.

I was worried for the first two times and called Avinash. He assured me that Ambar slept at the station and was safe, and then I just stopped caring.

His smoking and drinking was a big factor. I hated when my bed smelled like cigar and a barrel of pungent alcohol.

I got ready picked my stethoscope and made my way down the stairs.

"Samayra..." I heard my mother-in-law call out to me and I turned to look at her.

"I made Poha... You love Poha... Right?" she says as I nod as she gestures for me to sit at the breakfast table.

"Bhabhi, I also made..." Ishleen goes to say as Grandma who I hadn't noticed as of yet sat on the couch reading her hindi newspaper.

"Ishleen... munh mat lago iske... tumhe do baar bola hai mene... Iski buri nazar lag gyi toh..." she was about to say as I smacked the spoon into the cutlery. (Ishleen, don't talk to her. I've told you twice. If her evil eye falls then...)

"Toh kya dadi? Toh kya... Choti behan hai meri... mere dil mein uske aur uske bache k liye sirf duyein, inki salamti aur khushiyan ki ardaas hai... Apki bakwaas aur ishaare tin hafte se sun rahi hun mein... Aur bta kisko rahe ho aap... Jiski zindagi barbaad karne ki koshish ki thi apne ek nashedi aur shraabi k saath byah k... Kiski udaahrn se... jiska pati is waqt nashe mein padha hai? Ek baar apne chhorron ko dekhlo.. fir doosron ki betiyon par tauhmat lgana..." I say picking up my bag, tiffin and car keys before walking out of the house. (Then what grandma? Then what, Tell me... She's my younger sister. My heart holds prayers and blessings for the happiness and good health of her and her child. I've been hearing your rubbish and understanding your expressions for 3 weeks. And who are you telling it to? Whose life you tried to destroy by marrying her to a drug addict and drunkard, and by whose example? Whose husband is lying in an inebriated and drugged state, right now... Just take a look at the sons of your family before going around calling other's daughter's a liability. )

My mother-in-law follows me outside as I unlock my car.

"Ayra... Did Ambar... say something?" she asks as I shake my head.

"No, he's blissfully ignoring me." I say wiping a tear from my cheek that I was trying hard to keep within.

"And did he..." she was about to ask as I nod.

"He smoked and drank... again... like he's been doing for the past three weeks. But this time, he didn't wake up before me and it wasn't his odor in the bed, but he himself, and that broke me. I can't see him like this. So mom... I'll go to my parents house... Tell him to come for me, when he's ready to actually talk... or if he is willing to talk... ever." I say as she calls on my name behind me and I wipe more tears, gulping the knot in my throat and driving to work.

Work was more or less the same, as Vikram was still around me as a form of protection and support, if needed like he was the past three weeks.

Something, Ambar should be doing...

Do I blame him?

No, His loss is as big as mine and in no way I am the bigger victim. He was as attached to parenthood and the thought of having a little one and giving him the best possible bringing up as I was. But would it have been easier, with him beside me?

Yes, because my sister was with me for a big part and would still visit me almost every other day after work, but she wasn't the one who could cuddle me to sleep each night, because she had a five year old waiting at home. I needed Ambar. I craved his touch and his warmth. I wanted him to tell it will be okay. I wanted to sleep in his arms, not under the influence of pills curetted for insomniac patients.

I was waiting on my end, for him to meet up at his but three weeks is all I could take. I can't stay in that house with him, if he refuses to acknowledge my presence and talk about what happened.

Not with his Grandmother that reminds me of my loss at every chance she gets, as If I had killed the baby with my bare hands. She treated me like I was the culprit and the way she tries to keep Ishleen away from me, at every advance Ishleen makes to help me.

I finished work and looked at the clock. I decided to call my best friend and a senior from college who had been away for over a year after she lost her husband to a car accident. I put my car into drive as she picked up her phone.

"Sammy..." she says in a mellow tone as I heaved a sigh.

"You know..." I say as she "ahemm"ed me.

"I met Vikram at the supermarket and asked about you. I've been here for almost a month and wanted to hear from you sooner but then I decided to... Let you be surrounded by people you love. It's an important time for a couple." She says as I remember she had lost her 13 day old girl who was a twin for her, over an year old and very cute son Tejas.

"Your husband was with you, during that time?" I say like it was almost a chuckle of amazement.

"Yes, I would not be strong enough to take care of Tejas, if he wasn't there." She said as tears started to well up in my eyes.

"Can I see you at The pyramid?" I say remembering our college time's favorite bar.

"I have a bottle of Absolut at home and we can get to it, the moment my son's asleep." She says as I think about it. It felt ironic to try and get away from my drunk husband, by drinking.

"Green apple?" I ask.

"Green apple is available for Magic moments... But I guess I'll find a bottle of that or we can get it delivered..." she says as I chuckle.

"What's wrong?" Daman asks.

"I've been trying to be pregnant for so long that I'm confusing the names of Vodka brands." I say as Daman sighs.

"Samayra, It feels like you'll never be okay again... But trust me you'll be fine. You'll move on. You'll keep that child in your heart forever, but you'll smile again and the weight from your shoulders will be lifted. It'll take time. I know it seems like the world is ending with all this pain, but it is not. People die... and you move on... as morbid and cruel as it sounds... It's the truth." She says as I look at the date on my phone feeling a sense of gloom over her.

"It's his birthday?" I ask referring to Daman's late husband.

"He would be 30 today." She said with a sigh.

"He feared 30 like anything." She added.

"I'm driving to your place." I say as she nods.

"I'll see you soon." Daman replies as she switches off the TV and I could hear her son whining.

"Dinner time, sweetie." She says as I disconnect, the sound of a baby making the heartache even worse.