Samayra POV
"But what is your relationship without this... whole struggle against infertility?" Mariam asked as I grip the soft furry cushion a little harder staring at the ceiling.
"What do you mean?" I ask sitting up on the soft couch of my therapist's office.
"We know each other. We... we love each other. We know what makes the other happy or... what irritates the other. We've been married for over a year."
"What did you do for your wedding anniversary?" She asked as I tried to remember.
"We... Oh... I was busy with my brother-in-laws reception functions and we rested the whole next day. We didn't remember... that it was our anniversary." I say putting the cushion that was under my head behind my back.
"Samayra, do you often tend to forget birthdays or anniversaries?" she says as I pick up the bottle of mineral water, opening it to take a sip.
"No... No... I'm quite good at remembering days."
"So, the day of your wedding has no particular significance to you?" she says as I tried to keep my anger at bay.
"I... we were busy." I say keeping the bottle back.
"Did you wish him?" she says as I try to remember our equation that night.
"No... I didn't... Yes, you are right. I forgot it was our anniversary that day. I remembered it the next morning, but then I got busy."
"On our last appointment, I told you to go out on a dinner with him, a romantic date. Did you?" she enquires.
"Yeah... Um... No, he has this new case. It's really important." I say putting feet up on the couch, legs in a cross.
"So, as I recall from our last few sessions that you have had a couple's meal, just the both of you less than 5 times in the past one year, you haven't gone out on a vacation once, if you leave that one weekend your father-in-law gifted you. He never has time to take you shopping or movies and that has not been done for more than what.. 16 hours in the past one year?" she says putting it brutally.
"Wow, you DO NOT go easy. I just had an abortion and..." I say keeping my feet back on the ground.
"Stop putting a shield." She says as I squint.
"I DO NOT." I say raising my voice.
"The shield of break up when your father started getting sick, the shield of infertility to address your underlying trauma of a heartbreak, your trust issues towards a stranger your parents made you marry, the same shield you used to shout at him and the very same shield when he shouted at you." She says as my mouth falls open.
"I did no such thing. I hate these things about myself. Why would I flaunt it for my benefit?" I ask.
"Okay, let me take a different approach. As a child, you ask your father to get something, and he doesn't. What did you do?" she says.
"I would tell him, why I needed that thing." I say with a shrug.
"and if he still doesn't agree?" she enquires further.
"I... would cry... Tears always worked on him." I say settling back on the couch.
"Did you ever NOT get what you wanted?"
"He never says 'NO' to me when I'm crying." I say with a shrug. Hold on, Okay... I get where she is going with the shield analogy.
"You have your answer, Samayra. You use your insecurities as your shield because when logic evades you, you go for tears. You're an only child that got everything she wanted when she showed the World she was weak. You show your weakness and garner sympathy to get things done your way. Now Abortion is your new shield. You'll misbehave and hold it responsible, things won't go your way and you'll say..."
"STOP..." I shout as I look at her with tears streaming down my eyes as I pick up my bag and get off the couch.
"I won't tell anyone that you left mid way because of medical council laws, but the way you describe your father, he will know. And isn't he the one that wanted you to get help?" She says.
"This is torture, not therapy and..."
"Things hurt more, when you know it's the truth." She says and I sit back on the couch.
"You've worked with me through college and my phase of depression and you know how I survived my breakup with Tarun..." I was saying as she interrupted me again. Aren't they paid to be good listeners?
"It's a breakup with a douchebag who didn't want you. There's no surviving. Just Good luck. And what you tell me of Ambar, he's a real gem. I've been seeing you for almost a month now, Samayra. It's been a month since you lost your child. I know you don't feel well, but it's not gonna heal if you don't stop picking the scabs."
"I've healed from Tarun." I say puting my head back on the rest.
"I know. I know how much you adore your husband. I've listened to you go on and on about him for the last 12 appointments, but if you stop treating your wounds like your medals and let the scar tissue be replaced by healthy skin, you'll actually be able to live in present."
"Why does it feel like you're ending this?" I ask, picking up a tone of farewell.
"You don't need therapy right now, but I"ll always be here for you. I'm not ending this but right now you need a marriage where your priority is each other and the love you share. Not the inability to conceive a child or your mutual hatred against his grandmother. Just each other. You will not return to that house because of your mother, father-in-law or even Rehaan, Ishleen and their unborn child. They come second. They might leave at some point in your life, but there's a guy you have to spend your life with. He is the reason you will go into that house."
"He's not the sun of my solar system." I chuckle.
"And neither will be your child. He'll be with you for 15-16 years, go out for college and have a family of his own. The child is not your priority. It's your obsession with what the society told you that you can't do and you just want to prove them wrong."
"Focus on building a strong relationship. I can very much suggest a good marriage counselor but what I know about Ambar, it won't be easy convincing him."
"Then what should I do?" I ask straight forward.
"Go away. Remember that... transfer he was talking about." She says.
"Yeah, but I have a job too." I remind her.
"Which pays well, I know but haven't you always wanted to do your masters in surgery?" she says telling me my college time fantasy.
"But I didn't have enough marks in the entrance because of that... Um..." I say not mentioning the wound,not using the shield.
"You didn't get enough marks, Period. Stop telling people a reason for every time you couldn't do what you wanted. You owe them nothing. No explanation." She says.
"You can leave your job, prepare for the entrance again and maybe get into university. Focus on your ambitions." She suggests.
"Whatever you do, focus on your relationship right now, not a baby. A career is important, but so is a good 'humsafar' or life partner as you can say it. Right now, you are an acclaimed vet and your career is not going anywhere. I can't say the same about your marriage, though. You even have the opportunity to fulfill your dream of masters, work on that. Work on yourself and your life as a couple." She says looking at her watch realizing my one hour was up.
"Thank you, I'll think about it." I say picking up my bag and a few candies kept on the center table before walking towards the door with a lot going in my brain as she laughs at the amount of sugar, I sneaked out.
YOU ARE READING
The perfect groom ||
General FictionRehaan Deol or as his parents still call him "Chetan", the boy who changed his name for the love of a woman. The woman who left his heart shattered in pieces. He says he is ready to marry Ishleen and give love a chance while his sister-in-law, Sama...
