Anxiety

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Deja stumbles from the VIP lounge, bracing her hand against the wall and grimacing at the overwhelming volume of the music.

There was no way she would be heading towards the main floor with all of that noise and handsy-ass patrons. Not with how she was feeling. She turns her back on the flashing lights, the bass vibrating the walls as she made her way up the darkened hallway, stopping by the dressing room to grab her coat.

The back entrance to Pulse was a secluded alley , blocked off by tall fencing and a gate only accessible by club employees. It was often where staff, dancers, and security would go to for smoke breaks.
Deja wasn't one to partake in that habit but she did own a small hot pink BIC lighter that she'd flick repeatedly.

It was low on fluid and barely elicited a flame, but the sound had an oddly calming effect on her when she was anxious or generally feeling off her game. She pulls it from her pocket as she propped the door open with the door stop. She then sidles over to lean against the wall adjacent to it.

There's a chill in the air from the receding storm that left scattered puddles over the concrete.

**flick**

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**flick**

**flick**

**flick**

Deja exhales and a faint cloud puffs between her lips. The sounds of the bustling city were welcomed as she inhaled the polluted air and she gazes up at the full moon, streaked with grey by the withering storm.

She hums thoughtfully as she rested her head against the brick wall, hugging her coat tighter against her barely dressed body, watching the sky change and the moon moving slowly beyond the clouds.

**flick**

**flick**

**flick**

The cool air felt good against her face, easing the dizziness that caught her by surprise minutes ago.

Perhaps she should have listened to Crystal and eased up on the shots throughout the night. She hadnt had many and prior to being in VIP, she felt fine..

Perhaps it was something else..

Minutes passed and Deja remained against the bricked wall of the establishment, willing away the noise and imbalance in her mind by her soft humming.

"...why you wanna fly....blackbird.." she mumbles in tune.

**flick**

She sighs.

"You aint ever..gonna fly..."

Lyrics that resonated with her since first hearing it as a child. Feeling trapped in a life where everyone did their damndest to define her. Not knowing the beautiful young soul they were tarnishing with their words. Not knowing the fearlessly numb woman they were molding her to be.

"..no place big enough for holding...."

**flick**

**flick**

"...all the tears you're gonna cry..."


How the hell did she get here?

She never wanted this. If she had things her way, she'd be half way through college or well into a career. Creating or inspiring. Surrounded by a solid friends or a family of her own. Not shaking her ass for strangers four nights a week.

The money was great but....

**flick**

**flick**

"...cause your mama's name was lonely..."

That part always made her smirk sadly before pushing the image of her mother's face from her mind.

**flick**



What she would say if she could see her now...


"......and they call you little sorrow..."

"....cause you'll never love again...."

Deja pauses on that note, her thumb pressing against the flint wheel.

She smiles sadly at the moon and it's haunting beauty before closing her eyes

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She smiles sadly at the moon and it's haunting beauty before closing her eyes.

She inhales the rain scented air. As she exhales, reality settled back over her.

This was her life. This was what she chose for herself and while she wasn't ashamed, it still stung to know that should could be doing so much more.

"...why you wanna fly blackbird?....you ain't ever..gonna fly..." she sings below her breath, sighing bitterly before stuffing her lighter back in her pocket.

She had about one or two more hours left in her shift before calling it quits for the night.

Sure, her feet were on fire and maybe a little tipsy...

But there was money to be made.

"Alright D...You arent new to this. Just power through it...You can do it.."she mumbles to herself, twirling the lighter between her fingers in her coat pocket as she pushed herself from the wall.

As she's about to re-enter the building, a shiver at her nape has her head whipping towards the end of the back alley.

The darkness of the at end was eery and Deja finds herself staring at it apprehensively. She clutches the lighter tightly in her pocket, narrowing her gaze when a puddle that stretched just beyond the shadows begins to ripple and soft shuffling sound has her flinching.

"....Who....Who's there?" she calls out shakily, her foot halfway between the gap of the door in preparation to flee.

She waited for something to happen.

Maybe a rat or a stray cat would leap from the darkness, explaining the chilling feel of not being alone.

And being watched...

But there was nothing.

Nothing despite the fact that she was sure she'd heard the faint sound of wet footsteps from deep beyond her line of visibility.

But as the seconds pass, there was still nothing.

The tension in her shoulders melt gradually and she rolls her eyes at herself for being so spooked.

"Yeah....I'm trippn." She scoffs, turning away from the darkened alley to pull at the door handle and enter the building.

The fresh sandalwood scent and dark painted walls welcome her in, the sound proof insulation doing a great job in block out the blaring beat of Travis Porter from being heard outside. As the door closes behind her, she shrugs and shivers away the icky sensation she experienced seconds before and begins stepping over the hard floors of the private lounges..

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