𝗔𝗶𝗻'𝘁 𝗡𝗼 𝗠𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗛𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗘𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 🤍

•𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 122 🥀

•🌹• 

Nikki's POV, June 21st 1986

Life's getting progressively better and worse at the same time, I'm getting fucked and blessed. Not having to watch Y/N and Vince together is one thing which helps me because that was more detrimental to me than I think I accepted but now one of the two people who actually give a shit about me and cared for me when I was younger was dying and there was absolutely Jack shit I could do to save her.

I'd lost enough this decade, I'd lost my girlfriend (or hopefully would have been wife) and my child, I don't want to lose anything else. This time it wasn't my fault at least, it was still fucking me over though whether it was my doing or not. All my life has been is suffering, I'm tired of suffering. I want to be happy again, true happiness seems such a far away goal now.

It's a horrible feeling waiting for a phone call to tell you that one of the people you care about the most is dead. Every time the phone rings now I almost have a full blown panic attack, I hardly answer the phone now because of that, I wait until the voicemails play, praying that I don't hear Tom's voice.

I wish I could say the drugs help but they give me no relief, they don't do anything... in ways they make it worse- another thing I should really have learnt by now, I never seem to learn my lesson with drugs, maybe it's because I'm so desperate for them to do what I want that I can't give up hope that one day they'll actually save me.

My personal life might still be in turmoil and crumbling before my eyes but I still had a job to do and I had a job to do today- we were back in the studio and Doc was insistent that we started recording demos for the time being as we were apparently already behind schedule. I didn't think so, then what do I know? According to Doc I don't know anything, I think he has the impression I couldn't find my own fucking dick but I'm not stupid- he can believe what he likes, I don't give a shit.

Doug was far less bothered about what we did, agreeing that we weren't as behind as Doc was making us out to be though he did say we needed to get a move on so we don't fall too far behind.

What we're doing in this session actually had meant to have taken place the day before last but it had to be canceled because Tom Werman had a meeting pop up out of nowhere, this meant I hadn't had the chance to speak to Vinnie yet about what he did.

Seeing him today was a little awkward, he hadn't said all that much, he's offered me a couple of uncomfortable smiles but nothing more than that. I really did feel bad for him, he wasn't selfish in the end and I couldn't be selfish by not acknowledging the sacrifice he made for me. I wasn't too good at apologising, I wasn't good at anything emotional outside talking to Y/N and even then I feel like I fall far short of hitting the mark.

Tommy and I had just finished up recording our parts of a backing track for one of the songs for this album, the title track 'Girls, Girls, Girls', a song Tommy and I had penned together, it was going to be a solid song and hopefully the work we'd just laid down is a good starting point for it.

While we were doing that though, Mick was sat talking with Y/N while Vince was sat alone, away from everyone else. Mick was next up in the recording booth but before that Tom Werman was just checking everything was in place for him him work.

My focus wasn't Mick at this moment, it was Vinnie, Vin was sat in the corner of the studio sipping a beer looking frankly depressed, I knew he loved Y/N and I knew it must have been hard for him to give up his happiness for me. I'm glad he did because it was killing me seeing them together, maybe now I can begin to get better because now I might be able to build a second chance with Y/N- with things the way they are with Nona right now though, maybe that was too optimistic.