The Break (An Eddie Munson Story)

Chapter 43: Depression Takes A Toll

A/N: I love digging myself into a proverbial literary grave and then wondering how the hell I am going to resurrect the plot line but here we are. I did it. We are back on track, I have a plan. I can finally stop lying on the floor, wondering why I subject myself to the torture of being a fanfic writer.

Content warnings: Disordered eating, body image issues, toxic relationships/parents, depression and mentions of drug use.

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Overdose. Demons. Panic attack. Chrissy absorbed the gossip like a sponge, taking it all in and allowing it to mull around in her mind. She wondered which if the three- if any- was the truth? The blonde disregarded the implications of any supernatural involvement in Eddie's breakdown in the bathroom. That just seemed silly to her. Though the school was convinced that the metal head's affiliation with Dungeons and Dragons, was a nefarious affair the truth was, it was just a fantasy game. There was nothing particularly scary about Eddie, quite the opposite. He was actually quite charming in his own way and incredibly funny, always knowing how to cheer the blonde up on difficult days, when her usual methods of distraction failed to release her from the clutches of anxiety.

Sat in the cafeteria, poking unenthusiastically at the low calories salad her Mom had packed for her, Chrissy was looking forward to sneaking away to buy a burger, on her way home from cheer practice. Thankfully, Jason was unable to give her a lift home after his basketball practice, so there was no way of any of her peers knowing and reporting to her parents that, their golden child liked to stuff herself with delicious junk food behind their backs. It was her little secret and a secret it would remain, until she had safely moved away and could start a new life for herself. Then she would get to eat all of the cereal, carbs and diary she wanted, without fear of any repercussions for her actions.

Perhaps she would be so bold as to cut her hair, maybe dye it a fun colour like...pink! Or blue! Something bright and bold, like the punks she had once seen at the mall, while her Mom dragged her from shop to shop. Instead of a cheer uniform, she would experiment with different aesthetics and styles outside of her comfort zone. Like an all black ensemble or double denim! Baggy clothes had always appealed to Chrissy, there was a comfort to be found in an oversized, tie dye t-shirt. No more revealing costumes and bare legs, she would wear whatever made her happy and there would be no one from Hawkins to tell her otherwise.

For now, it was just a dream but one day, one day soon, it would be her reality. Like you and Eddie, she was going to leave the sleepy town behind and never look back. That day could not come soon enough, Chrissy thought, as she shoved a piece of lettuce into her mouth.

On the other side of town, Eddie too, was not feeling very hungry but he did his best to consume his portion of the soup, from the bowl you shared. The tinned product tasted slightly metallic on his tongue but still, he persisted in raising the spoon to his mouth each time, knowing he needed to eat but also, not wanting to add to your worry.

You seemed content enough in the present moment, he noted, as you ate your meal without much desire to converse. Though comfortable with the silence, Eddie did wonder if you were just keeping quite for his sake, not aanting to irritate or burn him out with your chatter? Even if you did not feel like talking to him, the brunet had so much he wished to say to you but not the energy reserve to complete such a task.

Every time you asked him how he was or what his nightmares were about, he wanted to tell you the truth. To reveal everything to you about what he knew and what haunted him at night but there we so many factors preventing him from opening up to you. And he knew, he knew that sooner or later, it was going to drive a wedge between you both. He had asked you to promise that, you would seek out his counsel, whenever you needed it and yet, he could not ask the same of you. He could not take solace in your arms and pour out his heart to you because there would be so many repercussions, that would wreck the very foundations of your friendship group. So instead, he remained quiet and just did his best to navigate the unfortunate situation.

He did not mean to act so standoff-ish, it wasn't because of you that he so unhappy. The brunet just felt so helpless and infuriated, he wished that he was mentally, if not for his own wellbeing, then for you.

"You feeling any better?" you whispered, the quiet sound echoing throughout the silent bedroom. You waited anxiously for a reply, Eddie had only uttered so many words that morning. His world had turned monochromatic. "Eds?" you questioned him again.

"No," he croaked, tears beginning to spill. "I am not." his red-lined, watery gaze met your sorrowful expression. "I'm sorry." he apologised. "It's not your fault. I just...I just don't feel good right now..."

Setting the bowl aside on the bedside table, you leaned forward and enveloped the brunet into a protective hug.

"And I feel like I want to be sick but I don't want to be. It was all just too much and now, I just feel really out if it." he whispered to you, in an attempt to convey how he felt.

Where his warm skin met with patches of your uncovered arms and neck, your skin goosebumped and chills ran down your spine. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." you pulled away slightly, peppering Eddie's face with tender kisses. "I'm so sorry you feel like this. I should have done something sooner to lessen the pressure. You're working so hard, Eddie. I'm so proud of you and things are going to get better, I promise." you mumbled against his forehead, his lips, his cheeks. "I'm gonna make it all better." you pulled him again back into a hug. "I'm gonna take care of you, I promise, baby."

In that momemt, Eddie Munson had never hated himself more.