My Winter

♤♡35◇♧

(TW: talk of rape and violence and bloody things happen. Also, please listen to lost without you, by Freya ridings)

Winters pov:

I've always loved rain. It's always been so peaceful for me. But not today. It's been six days, eight hours and 34 minutes since the "war". I've barely got any sleep. Bruno keeps on insisting I get more rest, especially with my minor injuries, but I just can't. Every time I close my eyes... I see him. Barely breathing. As white as a ghost. I just can't bare reliving it.

I stopped crying yesterday. It's like my body ran out of tears. My heart though, still feels like it's breaking to the point where I feel numb. Ari insists that I eat, but every time I do I feel like I'll hurl it back up. The only thing I can keep down is water and coffee.

I haven't come to terms with killing someone. Bruno knows Lucien was my first kill, and keeps asking if I'm okay, especially after my attack. I don't know. I don't know how to feel. Should I feel satisfied that I killed the bad guy? Or should I feel bad that I took a life, even if it's not innocent? Should I feel bad for even considering to happy that he's dead? Should I deal with my feelings about it now or should I wait? I just don't have the answers.

Chloe and Melissa have tried comforting me, but like I said. I feel numb. And I can't help but blame myself. I should've ran faster. I should've fought harder. Why did we leave each other's side?

Flashback:

I have no idea where I'm going. I'm just making guesses at this point. Wherever you are Nic, be alive. I keep pleading inside my head. I keep pushing down this bad feeling in my gut, fearing that it's actually right again.

I suddenly stop when I see someone facing me with a wicked grin and a bloody knife it his right hand. He looks like he's in his 30's, fit and strong. We're only seven feet apart and I knew, I couldn't just turn around and run if I wanted to. Something tells me he's catch up mighty quickly.

"Uh... hi." I said, breaking this awkward silence.

He began slowly looking me up and down making squirm in discomfort. I wish Nic gave me a gun so I can deal with this quickly. Not kill him necessarily, but hurt him enough where he can't hurt me and I can continue my search for Nic.

I start to feel nervous about fighting him. I can tell he's got years of experience, whereas I have two months of training.

The guy I fought earlier was easier. I was able to surprise him because he thought I didn't know he was there. And I used quick thinking to attack him and knock him out. I don't know what I can do to surprise this guy. He seems prepared for anything. His stance is ready to pounce at any movement I make. What can I do to catch him off guard?

"My, what a beauty. I can see why Lucien wants you all to himself. What a selfish man." I felt my face scrunch up in disgust at his thick accent. The accent didn't remind me of Italian so I couldn't tell where he was from.

He lunged at me to grab me, but I quickly side stepped him and tried to kick his balls. Tried. He seemed to be expecting that or was quick enough to catch what I was about to do. He grabbed my leg mid air and lifted it higher, making me lose my balance. I fell on my back and cried out in pain. I saw him lean down over me with his knife still gripped in his hand and my fight or flight instinct kicked in.

I quickly put my foot on his chest and used my lower body strength to push him as hard as I could. I pushed him back enough to cause him to stumble back and lose his balance. As soon as he regained his balance, I was on my feet.