Out of the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 36

Andrea P.O.V

I walked back home after leaving Cecil's, trudging my way down his street and over to mine. When I got home I kissed my mother 'hello', set the mail down on the table, and went straight to the bathroom.

I twist open the door to the bathroom, taking noisy breaths, that come out like whispers. My feet pull me in front of the mirror that captures my attention like a diamond in the wrath. I stare at myself, scrutinizing everything that's considered wrong as I slowly tear away my layers.

I pull off my top and wiggle out of my skirt, then turn on the facet , running my hands under the water as I watch myself the whole time. In a quick move, I wipe off my makeup, smudging it away as I dip my hands under the running water again.

All these disguises, this stuff just to make me feel better, look better, and for what? Huh? Simon? Cecil? Everyone?

I'm done trying with this. This has all blown in my face and I never could've imagined the toll it's already taking.

I go over to the shower and turn the water on, letting it warm up for a few minutes before getting in.

My parents don't seem to know yet, about the news coming out. I can't think of one person who'd do this to me. What would they gain?

Maybe it was those girls from the spring trip or all those other girls who hated me from the beginning. They are viscous, but they aren't the type to use their brains to bring me down.

Hotness and cat claw nails usually do the trick in scaring me off.

After I get the water to my desired temperature, I step in the bath, letting the soothing feeling of the water hit my skin.

When was the last time I actually enjoyed a shower? It feels like ages have gone by.

I lay my head against the wall, closing my eyes as I let my thoughts elude me from the reality of things. Beads of water splat against my shoulder, running down to the dip of my back.

Eventually I slide to the bottom of the tub, sitting in the corner of the bathtub.

What do I do? What's next?

______________________

"Hey Andy? How's was your day?" Mom causally brings to this topic to the table, like always.

I would answer her question with a brief overview of my day and then continue to eat, but this time I'm not up for explanations.

"Fine." She glances at me sideways, as her eyebrows crease together.

"Are you okay Andy?"

"I'm fine mom. "

"Really? Did something happen at the lake? Did Simon do something to you?"

It's only mom, dad, and I at the table. I haven't seen Mandy since I got back from the trip and it doesn't look like mom is worried about her either. She probably left the state and went to some place in Kansas.

"No."

"What happened? Did you guys break up?" Now she's pushing my buttons.

"Why don't you leave him alone, Karen. Stop meddling. "

"Alan, be quiet. Stop acting like you suddenly care about Andy."

"I just wish he'd stop playing these damn games with everyone and would grow up I don't want my son like this!"

"Alan stop."

"No, you know what, Andrew? I want you to quit your damn act. It was fine when you were a kid and it didn't matter but now it's not appropriate. Dating a guy when you know what you are? It's morally gross and you should start thinking of what other people are feeling: disgust."

What other people think? Really, that's the advice you give me after blatantly saying you hate who I am? What I identify as?

I know what other people think. I know they spout shit behind my back while others are less forgiving and tell it to my face. I know that letting someone be there for you won't last behind a secret;at some point it will fall out the bag, crashing to the ground for only you to pick up the shattered pieces.

It's how cruel someone can be that I can't seem to understand.

"Alan! Simon and her are great together, don't even pull that card. She's not playing for anything either;this is not some dress up! She's a woman and if you can't recognize her as one then things will be ended between you and the family effective immediately!"

"Fine, Karen! I don't give a damn if you want me to leave! Living with him will kill my reputation and yours! He's the reason we aren't getting anywhere! Spending all this money on surgeries and appointments, while he's out there screwing with a guy! Does he even know what the hell you are?!"

Does he even know what the hell you are?!

Does he know what you are?!

Does he know?!

What are you?!

Simon never knew. He was tricked, played by me and I thought it was okay. Dad's right, I'm ruining them.

"I'm sorry, okay?! I'm freaking sorry I'm not you're son dad! I never was!It wasn't me, alright! I'm inconsiderate and spiteful! I'm so damn sorry, Simon!"I interject, before mom gets in another unnecessary argument with him.

This is my confession and my battle to fight.

Everyone is pretty surprised that I have finally spoken. Dad's face holds dissatisfaction , a steak knife, cutting into my pride like it was butter. I glance at mom and her confusion, but I'm too scared of what comes next so I stand up, walk over to the front door, and run outside.

I don't know where I'm going, I just need to get out. I have to be alone for awhile.

I think I know a good place.

A/N

Hey guys, this is a pretty disappointing and short chapter. I've been super busy with the end of school and test taking so you know. I plan to make more joyous and frequent updates so please don't leave. Stick to the end, it's good ;)