Out of the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 29

Andrea P.O.V

Simon's voice trails down the hallway after I stalked back in my room. He locked the door so I couldn't get in to know what they were talking about. I'm not mad with Simon, I get where he's coming from. I know he and Cecil have some bad blood that is just boiling over from me constantly trying to balance out our relationships.

I gait over to his door, stopping when I hear his footsteps on the other side. Before I had the energy to knock, he opens it, revealing a sleek chest.

"Oh sorry Si! I thought-" His hand wraps around my wrist and I am being slowly pulled in by my shirtless boyfriend.

"We need to talk."

He lets go of my hand, walks over to his bed and sits on the chest at the foot of it. I watch apprehensively as I slowly move to him.

"Alright." I sit at the edge of the chest, making sure I keep my distance. I feel so guilty for this. I was only speaking with Cecil about what he told me a couple of weeks ago.

I still can't comprehend what he said.

He can't love me, he doesn't love me. It's probably in the best friend way. I would say I love Cecil in that way, but I don't believe romantically. I do think of him and care a lot about Cecil, but Simon is the one I'm with.

Should I be with Simon? I love him, yet I say he distracts me. Is that what you say when in a relationship? I'm pretty sure people's true motive for a boyfriend is to fill some type of void in their life.

Simon fills that for me and I'd like to believe I do the same.

However, Cecil coming out of nowhere about loving me messes with my thoughts. After we talked, I immediately hung up and stared at my phone for an hour, rereading his texts over and over again.

Rereading 'I love you' like a thousand times before turning off my phone. I tried ignoring him but at school Cecil would always make eye contact with me and he'd call all afternoon. He even called my house twenty times in one day and dialed Mandy's number until she cursed me out about it.

I talked to him a week before spring break and let him speak the whole time. We didn't say much but he wasn't lying when he said he loved me. I would only mumble replies then we hung up.

I was pretty dazed by the confession.

My funk was still apparent when Simon reminded me of our little spring break trip, which I wanted to weasel myself out of. Mom said it would be good for me to get away from things and have a week without dad on my back.

I agreed and promised Simon I'd be ready when Saturday came around. I was hoping for an easy going time, but Cecil ended up calling me to convince me that I should break up with Simon.

He said he wasn't good enough for me and that Simon doesn't even know me like he does. I love Simon. I won't break up with him because Cecil thinks he's not worth my time.

If anything, I'm not worth his time.

"What is going on, Andrea? Really going on. Are you-you cheating on me?" A flash of pain crosses his face as he says the words and he grips his hands tighter together, twisting his fingers.

"What? No I'm not- I wouldn't do that to you Simon! I love you......." I touch his bare shoulder and I'm glad that he's letting me.

He grunts, placing his head in his hands.

"I'm being paranoid aren't I? Sorry, alright? I'm not used to being worried about someone. It hasn't happened in a long time." Simon admits and I think he's referring to the time when his mother was sick.