Out of the Rabbit Hole

Chapter 23

"So you'll be taking spironolactone, along with estradiol valerate, as a pill, daily. I want to cut down your intake of estrogen, no need for complications to come up. It's a strong drug, estrogen. I should've gotten you on this sooner."

We watch as Dr. Lea writes down her words, scrunching her face, the pen gliding against the clipboard.

We've been consulting for most of the appointment, preparing me to take yet another drug.I had to skip school for this. I'm pretty nervous, I haven't had such a long conversation since starting progesterone in tenth grade.

That was a killer.

"Is there a reason to lower her estrogen? What are these 'complications'?" My mom squeezes my hand, getting comfort that I'm here supporting her.

Yes,I'm supporting her.

She gets very uneasy with the fact that there's some potential thing that can harm me. I know she won't be on board with this if she doesn't know all the effects and problems associated.

"Well there is the possibility that your potassium levels will increase, which can make you have a greater risk of hyperkalemia.That's having too much potassium in the blood. I'd advise to avoid eating bananas. Prostate cancer is a continuous concern with any transgender patient going from male to female, but we discussed this plenty of times."

Hate bananas.

"Okay, okay, could we somehow stop that from happening,hyperkellyma, like at all costs?"

I look at mom, frantic wisps of blonde hair poke from her bun. Her wrinkles are more noticeable from her worry. Doing this while stressing with her work isn't the best combination. I told her we could hold off, but she demanded to see Dr. Lea for the information.

"Hyperkalemia. A diet and regular blood monitoring should help, also be hydrated. A lot more water will keep your health up. You'll have to increase your fluid consumption anyways.This is a diuretic, so there'll be many trips to the bathroom."

Dr. Lea's pen lazily points to me, forcing me to focus on what's she's sharing. Mom wiggles in the uncomfortable office chair, draped in the most ugliest color of burgundy, situating into a position much closer to my side. Her elbow jabs into mine, pushing my arm off the rest of the chair.

Greedy.

"Alright, we'll do that. Anything else to know, Doctor?"

"Well there is the chance that you can face permanent sterility, and it's irreversible. I advise you to take this hormone,however, to progress things the way you see fit. The only real concern is if you're ready to understand the likeliness of not bearing biological children."

Having kids?

I haven't really thought that far into my future. I'm not sure if I like the idea of having little Andy's around the room, being a boring example of their mother. It would be so quite around the house, with them locked in their rooms, doing next year's homework in advanced.

This no social life might effect my children. Now I really have to work at this.

"Is there anything to prevent that too?" Mom's face lurches forward trying to find the answer somewhere in the room.

"Sperm banking would be suggested. Adding this hormone can irreversibly make you sterile, and can be permanent after 6 months of taking it, but this is all a risk. Not definite, Mrs. Matthews."

Dr. Lea sets her clipboard down, finally getting the big clue that mom wants to talk face to face, not face to clipboard. Her hands clasp together in the somewhat mocking way,that says anything we ask her, she'll answer back with a flip of her black straightened hair