Im Gay, But It's A Secret

Chapter 15: The Longest Years Of My Life

I had gotten home and I was so upset with myself that I felt like ending it all, relieving the burden of everyone, knowing that I was a cheater and I let my one true love walk out of my life because of the mistake I made. I locked myself in my room and didn't leave the house, I didn't go to university, I distanced myself from everyone because I was a plague, I was a mess and I was a disgrace, one day I finally snapped and I threw my phone against a wall smashing it too pieces instantly, I was alone again and I hated it, I didn't watch TV, I didn't shower for days on end, I was eating once or twice a week and I only left my room to use the bathroom, I got extremely sick and I could feel myself fading away into nothing, my eyes hurt, I was constantly crying. I had harmed myself to try and destroy the pain, only destroying my body in the process, I looked at myself every day in the mirror until one day I looked in the mirror and I couldn't recognise myself anymore, I was an empty shell. This period of my life lasted 2 years, until one day my friends came in to see me, They had left me alone during the duration of this, they didn't know what happened exactly but they knew I needed time alone. One day they came into my room and they saw me, They saw how sick I was, and how much I regretted my life, they saw the scars and they saw the pain, they had called an ambulance and I was rushed to hospital, im glad they did because when I arrived I was put straight into the emergency department and was pumped with fluids and force fed, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks alone and unloved. Until 1 day my friends came in to see me and they had bought a familiar face with them. It was Jordan, I hadn't seen him in 2 years and he had changed alot. I found out he had completed his course and was a qualified chef, he came up to me and sat with me, he held my hand and my friends left the room leaving me and Jordan alone. He had spoken to the nurse and told me how lucky I was that I had such amazing friends, the nurse had told him if I hadn't been put into hospital I would have had days to live. Although Jordan being there with me helped me to start to become happy and break out of my depression stage, I also felt upset with myself that I had hurt him. I spoke to him about how he'd felt about what happened and I was very surprised when he said he understood why it happened. He had a present with him but he didn't give it too me until he left, it was a brand new phone, already set up with the phone numbers I needed, including his at the very top, the last thing he said to me before he left the room was that he would always be by my side and he would never give up on me. I was in hospital for a couple of weeks following and I eventually returned to my old self, I was starting to become happy again, I was gaining weight and I was eating properly. I was discharged from the hospital and walked out the front doors, Jordan was waiting for me in his car and he smiled when he saw me, I didn't notice he was there until he walked up to me, the moment I walked out of the hospital doors I felt the sun hit me, and it was magical.