Im Gay, But It's A Secret

Chapter 16: Rebirth

Jordan walks up and grabs me by the hand, I was soaked up in the beauty and warmth of the sun hitting my face, i hadn't experienced sun or fresh air for 1 month, I was absolutely loving this feeling, as though I had been reborn and it was like I was experiencing the world for the first time. I looked at Jordan who was holding my hand and I snapped back to reality, if the past 2 years had taught me anything it was not to take anything life gives me for granted, because one mistake and it will all be taken away, the sadness I felt when I had cheated on Jordan I never wanted to feel again, and I promised and vowed to myself that I would never hurt him again, I was completely in love with him and I wanted him in my life forever, im just sad that going into a state of self isolation and cheating on him helped me to see that my life was nothing without him. He drove me home and dropped me off, I walked in the door and it was like I was walking into my bedroom for the very first time, I had forgotten how much I loved my life and forgotten how fortunate I am to have such an amazing life and how much I worked to get to where I am now, I was very lucky under the circumstances, yes my family wanted nothing to do with me anymore, but I was free, i was brave, I was bold, I was me. My room was very dark and messy so I put on my music, cleaned up my room, washed my clothes, had a shower and went straight to bed, it was such an amazing feeling to sleep in my own bed again, it was like sleeping on a cloud compared to a hospital bed. At 10 o'clock the next morning I woke up to a phone call from Jordan, he asked me if I wanted to see him and I jumped on the chance. I invited him over, cleaned my bedroom a bit more, opened my window so the sun was beaming through and lighting up my bedroom, the orange glow that I had missed so much was finally able to break through again, and I was finally happy with myself. I was once again bulletproof and comfortable with who I was. Jordan arrived at about 12 o'clock that afternoon, instead of spending the whole day inside and cooped up in my bedroom we decided we would go out, we drove around Melbourne for quite a while looking for something to do, until we found ourselves waiting in line for the zoo, I wasn't feeling very up to it because it was a reminder that I was once locked up in a cage and it upset me to see the animals wanting yo luve their lives freely without bars and metal around them, but I was also happy we were in a place that was open and free, it wasn't cramped and it wasn't closed in. We walked around the zoo for hours until we got very hungry and we sat down in a field and had something to eat, we didn't say very much to each other but I know we both felt comfortable in each other's company again. As the sun started to set we left and went back to my house, I invited Jordan into my bedroom, we played a board game, then went to bed, I remember that night like the back of my hand, we had never properly slept together before, but that night we were in each other's arms, holding each other tightly, lips locked together, and we had the best sex I've ever felt in my entire life, somehow he knew everything he had to do and he did it with absolute force that from that moment on, unlocked a side to both of us I never knew about. After what felt like hours he laid beside me, put his head onto my shoulder, I ran my hand through his hair and he fell asleep. I sat there awake for hours remembering how amazing that moment was, I fell asleep with him in my arms, thinking that he was going to be in my life forever, and tonight proved my theory to be correct.