Leave Your Lover

Chapter Twenty Nine

Carson was so uncomfortable around him, CJ knew that. She can't tolerate his presence, she can't even look him in eye.

Ilang gabi na silang magkasama sa iisang kuwarto, of course he took some matress and sleep on the floor, pero ni wala silang napag-uusapan. It felt so uncomfortable that making a small talk felt so awkward.

Of course, he understood why. He pushed her away, hurt her a thousand times and now he's acting like a madman who can't stand it when she's out of his sight.

It was crazy. He knew by now he should be out of their house, out of her life. Isn't the goal is just to check on her until she's okay, making sure she wouldn't overworked herself while she's on leave and taking a proper rest? Carson's fine now and the two weeks notice is almost over yet he's still staying with her.

He picked up his car keys and told his mother-in-law that he had to go outside. The wonderful woman told him to get home before dinner because she's gonna cook his favorite food. He smiled at her and kiss her cheeks goodbye.

He went for a drive to clear his mind. He has to decide. He have hurt her enough and he can't keep on giving her mixed signals. Carson needed a definite answer from him. Iyong malinaw at walang paliguy-ligoy. Ang kaso, kahit siya, hindi niya alam ang gusto. Oh baka alam niya, kaya lang takot siyang sumugal ulit.

He was supposed to just drive around with no apparent destination in mind but he just found himself in front of his brother's house. He parked his car outside and went inside. Nasa patio si Cash, karga-karga ang isa sa kambal.

He waved when he finally saw him. Hawak nito si Rayray na nakaupo sa carrier. Kita niyang si Azrael iyong baby dahil may maliit na pink bow ito sa buhok.

"Si Ate?" Kinuha niya ang alcohol na nasa lamesa at naglagay niyon sa kamay bago hinawakan si Rayray. The little girl grabbed his hand and giggled.

"Natutulog." Cash pointed upstairs. "Nap time. Kaya lang itong pamangkin mong ito, ang taas ng energy, ayaw matulog." Rayray giggled even more. "Nadalaw ka?"

Natigilan siya, hindi alam kung paano magsisimula. Cash instantly gets it. Nakangiti na ang kapatid, iiling-iling hindi pa man siya nagsasalita.

"I thought you're here to talk about the preparations for nanay and tatay's anniversary party at the BGC branch. But as it turns out, it's a girl problem, huh?" Cash had a smug look on his face, just like Conan's, but for some reason, he doesn't find it annoying.

He was supposed to be there to talk about that too but he told Jacko to update his brothers about the preparations himself. Simpleng celebration lang naman iyon, hindi nga iyon matatawag na party kundi gathering, isang pasasalamat sa maraming taon ng pagmamahalan ng mga magulang niya, and they want to celebrate the love with the people they care about.

"Are you still staying with her?" Tanong ni Cash maya-maya.

Tumango siya.

"Ano bang plano mo?" Ibinaba nito si Rayray sa crib bago nag thaw ng breast milk. Hindi siya nakasagot dahil hindi siya sigurado.

Mahal niya si Carson. Sa lahat sa buhay niya, iyon ang sigurado siya, mahal niya si Carson. Pero kailan ba naging sapat ang pagmamahal lang?

Cash tried the breast milk on his wrist and when the temperature is right, he gave it to Rayray.

"When you fucked things up with Ate Cassiel and she doesn't want you anymore, how did you feel?"

"My heart died." Cash smiled. "I never knew I loved her until it was too late, and when she gave me another chance, I blew it all over again." Naupo na ang kapatid sa tabi niya ng makitang inaantok na ang anak at makakatulog na rin anumang sandali.

"When she told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore because the pain is too much, I had to fight for it. Alam kong pagsisisihan ko kung hindi-- teka, nagugutom ka ba?" Naglabas ito ng makakain. Tumango siya, he never realized he's famished until his brother asked. Lutong bahay iyon, paella ni Ate Cassiel. "Sorry, I'm having my lunch just now. I had to do the chores all morning since my wife is up all night taking care of the kids while I'm in an out of town game last night."

Nagsimula silang kumain. He missed having such conversation with his older brother. Simula kasi nung pinutol niya ang koneksyon niya sa pamilya four years ago, si Cassiel lang talaga ang nakakausap niya, si Conan din manaka-naka. Dumadalaw ito sa farm kung walang masyadong pasiyente pero bihirang mangyari.

"Connor, why is it so hard for you to give yourself a chance to be happy?" Sabi nito maya-maya.

Patlang. Katahimikan.

"Because I tend to fucked things up?" Alanganing sagot niya.

"Everyone has the tendency to fuck things up!" Cash said riddiculously. "When Cassiel told me that she really wants the annulment, I took a step back. You know why? Because if fighting for her would hurt her further, then it's not worth it, it won't make sense. But then she gave the relationship another chance, and so I did. I worked my ass off to be the person that she deserved and look where it took us. We're happy, so much happy."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Cash looked frustrated.

"Look, Connor. All I'm saying is that, Carson wants you back and she's willing to give the relationship another try and if you're just so fucking dumb and you still don't get it, staying away from her would just hurt her further because she just lost the love of her life!"

He was so fucking dumb, he realized that now. He love her and he knew he could never love that way ever again and he was so stupid to even think of letting her go. Pushing away his only chance for happiness was a mistake and he wants to make it right this time.

"What the fuck are you still waiting for? Go get your girl, Cowboy!" Cash mumbled.

"I will, kuya. But if that's the case, we need a plan. Will you help me?"

"Are you kidding me?" Cash said riddiculously. "I'll call the whole gang!" Just like that, his brother picked up the phone and call his cousins to set up a plan.

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Epilogue na next. Kalma! HAHAHAHAHAHA

PS: I edited chapter nineteen and decided to make Azrael a girl. Because I watched Lucifer on netflix and I was blown away to find out Azrael is a girl.